Should I trust her

[greatneck]

PLEASE I REALLY NEED SOME HELP!

 

I am in a relationship with a great girl for about 3 years. I was married to another girl for about 5 years. My marrage was horible in every way. My ex wife while we were togther cheated on me so many times. She lied about everything. The thing is that I never suspected that anything was going on. I found out a whole lot of real gross stuff after we broke up. Looking back at it all there were so many signs that she was messing around with other men. I felt so foolish that I never caught on.

 

NOW! I think I'm ruined. My current relationship is having alot of problems. I think she is cheating on me, or she would if she had the chance to.

 

I hate that she goes out on Fri nights (every once in awhile) with a freind of hers. Her freind is married and is having an afair on her husband. When they get togther on FRi nights I freak out on her. Im afraid she is going out to flirt or meet guys. Now I said before that in my marrage there were so many signs that my wife was cheating. NOW I might be paying to much attention to signs with my girlfreind. I think if girls go out for drinks on FRi night and hangs out till 1:30 or 2:00 am they are out to hook up with guys. I could be wrong???????????? its just my feeling. Also when she is out with her freind she never NOT once answered her cell phone when I have called. That really freaks me out. Why wouldnt she take my call???????????? A sign that she is fing around or no?? Im taking in 3 years not once has she takin a call from me. I would leave her a V Mail she doesnt call me back until her freind is gone and she is in the car on the way home. She knows this bothers me but it never changes.

 

Also she is very secrative with phone calls. In 3 years I never not once heard a message on her answereing mashine. You know how when you come home and you have messages on the mashine. You listen to them! Like if we are out and go back to my place. I walk in with her and go over to the mashine and play my messages. I dont wait till shes in thee bathroom. Whats the big deal . She never plays her mashine if Im in the room. Not that Im noisy I just think its strange. Another sign???? Please tell me if I'm crazy.

 

THis also doesnt help!!!! About a year ago I got really messed up with drinking and pain killers. I knew I was messing my life up and I really didnt want to drag her down with me. So I broke up with her. We had no contact for 2 months. She had no idea why I just left her. I was real bad with the drugs and drink I called her after 2 months. She was happy to hear from me. I told her what was going on with me and I was trying to get better. I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She told me thyat she has gone on afew dates but nothing serious. I was so upset at that. But how could I blame her. Now that I called her I started to call her everyday and we were talking about getting back togther. she wanted to take things slow. I asked her if that meant that she was going to see other men. She told me that she had no desire to see anyone else. I was really trying to get my stuff togther. One Fri night I stopped by her house and she was just pulling up the driveway. She looked all hot and done up I asked her if she was out on a date and she admitted to me that she was. She told me that her brothers wife set up this date (blind date) before I called her so she felt obligated to go on it. But she was done with the dates. I told her if she planned on seeing other men she should be honest. Because I couldnt be around to watch her go out with other guys. She promised me that she would not go on anymore dates. I kept drinking here and there. On the pills of the pills. She was going through alot with me and my problem. I was so afraid that she was going to find someone else. I would ask her if she is dating. She promised that she wouldnt. So one Fri night she was having her family over for her sons BDAy. Her mom was coming in from out of town but I was not invited. She had told everyone that her and I broke up and she would have felt weird if I was there. To tell the truth I would have too. i was still hurt that she didnt want me there. So Thurs night before the party I came to her house andbrought a present for her son. We hung out made love it was very emotional she kept telling me that she loved me so much. I was so happy that we were working on this relationship. The next day her family came. She called me around 5pm to thank me for the gift for her son. I told her that I'll call her later and she said well Im gonna hang with my mom and talk and if it wasnt to late she would call me. I knew something wasnt right. About 10pm I calle the house her mom answered and she said that my GF wasnt home. Her mom had no idea what to say to me. I went out got all drunk and about 2am drove by her house she want home yet. I called and her mom answered I aske her where was my GF I asked is she out with another guy. Her mom very upset told me that she was. The next day I told her never to call me again. And she didnt. Since then I have gotten sober and I'm really doing fine. She called me fro my BDay and we started talking. We talked for about 3 months. Then she just wanted to see me. So we met up and started hanging out. The first time I was at her house the phone rang and she looked at the caller ID and decided not to pick it up. Later she told me it was Frank the same guy she went out with a year ago Friday night. She told me that she told Frank the next day that she is back with me and thaT SHE WANTS TO MARRY ME.

 

Soooo should I trust her. She lied to me before about another man. I know I was putting her through hell with my problem and she didnt know what to do. She says all her freinds were telling her I was crazy and bad for her. What should I do I am having a hard time trusting her. FRi nights out with her cheating freind kill me. SHOULD I TRUST HER????????? I need advise soooooo bad! Thank you for reading this

[annabelle]

It's horrible that your ex-wife cheated on you, not only did it hurt you then, but it hurts you in future relationships because you don't feel like you can trust your girlfriend.

 

It doesn't seem to me like she's given you any reason not to trust her (did SHE actually tell you that she'd gone out with another guy on her son's birthday, or was it her mom that said that, because perhaps her mom told you that to make you mad at her). It seems like you're reading a lot into simple things, which is understandable considering what you've gone through. However, you need to put everything you learned from your last wife out of your mind, and consider this relationship-Has she really given you any indication that she doesn't want to be with you, or that she's cheating on you? I know it's hard after the last relationship, but I think you need to trust her when she says she loves you and wants to be with you. If you can't trust somebody that you love so much, then who are you going to be able to trust?

 

Hope it works out for you.