feministhousewife Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 ive been with my husband for 3 years,his grandparents and his father live with us in a 3 bedroom house.we have 3 kids only one of which is his.he is a good father. his grandmother is filthy,she takes about one shower a month.she sleeps all day and when she is up she complains constantly.she also talks to my oldest daught who is 7 like a dog.i see that it is taking a toll on her.i hold my tongue and tell my daughter to just ignore it.ive asked my husband to talk to her.i feel that if i say something it wouldnt do any good.he hasnt.they constantly make messes and will not pull their weight.for example his grandmother will spill sugar coffee etc.she looks at me and says" oh did i spill sugar" and walks off.this is the norm.im a literally the only one who does anything in this house.i have even been called the maid jokingly...very funny.i cook dinner every night for everyone.thats 8 people. his father is a drunk.he gets beligerent and mean.he is supposed to pay rent but he doesnt.he also doesnt shower i cant remember the last time he showered.they all keep there rooms disgusting,leaving food laying out.now we have roaches and mice.all the while i desperately try to keep the home clean.why do i try so hard only to have roaches and mice?not o mention just keeping up with house work having 3 children under7 is hard enough on top of 4 lazy adults. my husband he can be nice..rarely.he works and i give him that.i tell him all the time that i appreciate him working.he is a good dad.i give him that too. BUT when it comes to me,not so much. he gets mad over stupid things constantly.if he loses something,he blames me.things that i have no control over he gets mad.and sex,thats a problem. he NEVER starts it.yet another thing i have to do..he doesnt act sexually attracted to me.and i have always been told i was pretty,even did a little modeling. i know my self esteem need to be fed and i never get that validation.he never has.he enjoys it when we do but he puts forth no effort. the times he has been really really mean,even if he knows hes wrong.he doesnt apologize he just acts like nothng happened.if i bring it up he gets mad and says i hold onto things.that im a negative person.to control my emotions.well...maybe if had gotten a im sorry,i love you anything..a F$$$ing handshake.i would be able to forgive and forget. he has evn told me if i left i couldnt take the kids..that he could easily replace me.i could go on and on. but,i feel like i am going crazy,i dont wont to be negative.i hate it,but if there is nothing to feel positive about.how can i?i take on so much for this man and YES he put a roof over my head and keeps the lights on but he should meet me halfway.its like if i only did dishes and let evrything else go. i feel like i am wilting,and i love him obviously or i would take on what i do for him and his family.i ve always been good at 'GETTING' people but i cant figure him.i think that is part of the infatuation. he had a BAD childhood.his father the drunk was severly abusive.i heard stories of him as a boy being knocked out cold and waking up to being kicked and bleeding.THE SAME WORTHLESS MAN THAT HE ALLOWS TO LIVE WITH US FOR FREE!later on he moved to his grandparents,They were meth junkies.they didnt take care of him either.there was never food,the utilities were cut off constantly.AND HE TOOK THEM IN AS WELL....so i know he can be selfless.i understand that he probably has some mental problemS stemming from his abuse.but i am not the enemy.i deserve more respect.than his drunk of a father Or his junkies grandparents get so why cant i?
Nightsky Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 If I were you I'd be planning an exit strategy. The sooner the better! You just need to do something that will give you hope. There isn't necesarily a solution to this. I'd just leave if I were you.
stillafool Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I agree. You are a better woman than me because I would get my kids and run!
dreamingoftigers Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Start with the father, He NEEDS to go. Then move on to the grandparents. They need to go as well. Put your foot right down, THEM or YOU. Get some paperwork together and see what your options are as far as child custody. Dont let him muscle you. What region are you in? In many places in the world there are more then equal rights for mothers.
frozensprouts Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 if your husband was abused by his parents, he may well harbor a lot of anger and guilt towards them- they may have worked overtime trying to ruin his self esteem, and now they try and make him feel like he "owes" them something... this is sad, but his problem is now YOUR problem, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I agree that you need to put your foot down. Either these freeloading relatives go, or you go...not just for your own sake, but the sake of the children as well
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 How long have you been married? Did you accept this arrangement at the beginning of your marriage? Do you feel dependent on your husband? Are you getting child support from the fathers of the 2 children who aren't his? Do you have any way of supporting yourself or family members / friends who would take you and your kids in? I am having trouble wrapping my mind around how and why you are in this situation to begin with. I'm sure it's very sick for the kids as well as you.
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