Mezz Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 Hey everyone. I guess I just want to share all this because its had a profound effect on my life, and I'm finding it pretty hard to deal with right now. First a little background. About 2 years ago, my fiance and I broke up after 6 years together. I was heart broken but I eventually came out of it alright. Through sheer determination to live life the way that I wanted to, and do what I wanted to do, it all cluminated in me moving to New York City to persue a career I would have had no chance to get into if my ex and I were together. It was a rough experience because I knew exactly one person in this whole city. And that person is next to impossible to get ahold of. About 3 weeks after I had been here, I was out one night at a bar that is a few blocks down the road from me. It was there that I met her. We got along right away, and talked for a couple of hours. Then as the night went on, the alcohol started to flow more and more, next thing we start doing shots, and have a grand old time. Then, next thing I know, i wake up in her bed in her apartment in the morning. What follows is something that was pretty unexpected. Instead me saying "hey, it was fun, i gotta go" or her saying "get oooooooouuuuuut!" we started talking....and talking....and talking. We spend next 10 hours, ordering delivery food, and just sharing stories about eachother. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. It was so real and pure from outside influences. No music, no tv to help on discussion. Just us, face to face, talking. It was quite possibly one of the best days of my life. We just got each other, and clicked. The night before it was just whatever, but here we were telling a million things about eachother. Even more impressive, for me at least, is the fact that I never even felt the urge to mention my previous long relationship. Up until this point, that was unheard of, because I always brought it up because I would say I was over but really wasnt. I just told stories I hadnt even thought of for years. Just really amazing. From that point on, we hung out a bit, but not a ton. Sleeping together every once in awhile, but most of the time it was just us cuddling in the bed and falling asleep. She was originally from North Carolina, and from the first day I knew her, she was always "moving back home in 2 weeks." Well, those two weeks came and went and so did two more and on and on. After a couple of weeks, I told her one night, "Im not sure if I want anything serious but I just like hanging out with you." She said ok, and that was that. I know now that was the big mistake, but more on that later. After awhile, the sleeping together kinda faded out and we just became friends. Until about half way into April. One night we were out and ended up sleeping together again. From this point on, we were together all the time. At least being together for a couple of hours a day, getting lunch or dinner, laying out in the sun on the rooftop or whatever. It was like we were together, but we werent. And we started to get really attached I think. Then came the time that she was going to move back. She knew she had to, and I did to. There wasnt what she wanted here, and that was that. Well, she left today for real. Ive been crying like crazy, because I know I'm going to miss her so much. I really fell for her and I didnt even realize that I had. And yes, she does know how I feel, but she had to go. Because of her, I learned so much about myself. Some good, some bad. For one thing, I think I really realized that its mostly what a person has on the inside than the out. This is important because up to that point, after my past break up, I went through alot to lose about 100lbs so I could looke good to "hot women." Sure I was attracted to her, but just knowing her like I did made her the most beautiful person that I've known. But the bad that I realized is on a grand scale. It was summed up perfectly in the best relationship/breakup movie ever, High Fidelity. The quote goes -- "I can see now I never really committed to (a person). I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments." Because I told her that, I know its true. I was always keeping my options open for someone that -might- come along that might seem better. Instead of just enjoying where I was, I was thinking about some fantasy that probably doest exist. Even before with my ex, I was commited becasue it was the only option at the time. As you can see, this has shaken my whole world, now that I realized that about myself. If I had just stopped and really looked, I would have seen that this was what I wanted right in front of me. But the point is, she is gone now, and I miss her so much already. I believe that she helped save me, because nyc can be one of the hardest places to meet people, even though its so densly packed. Everyone has their built in friends, careers and whatever there is. I'm slowly working myself up, and doing better, its just that she came along and helped me so much. I know I'm going to be ok, I've made it through alot before, and I know that time heals all, and that I will meet other people, and I'll still be happy. Its just hard because she isnt here anymore, and I have all these happy memories. At least getting over my ex was easier because there was alot not to like, and the way she handled the break up. I have nothing bad to think about to get past this initial reaction. I'll still be on contact with her, and that makes me happy, its just not going to be the same, and I know thats life, but still... Ok, im done. coury
pitprincess Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Heart Broken you are for-sure.. Bless your heart. It is hard to let something go that means so much. I understand the pain your living in and it really hurts. I lost a friend once like that and it broke my heart. I seem to gather from your post that you cared more for her then you realized until she had gone. May I ask why she had to go? Is there any chance of her returning back to NYC? I am sorry for your pain.
Author Mezz Posted June 8, 2004 Author Posted June 8, 2004 Well, she didnt really have much for her here. She wanted to be closer to friends and family, and there was a chance for a career for her down south. And who am I to argue that? I know we will still talk, things will just be different. Its not like we wont ever talk again. She will visit, and she has asked me to visit her, and thats fine. I'm doing alot better after 2 days now. Just focus on other things, and I'll be alright. Thanks for your sympathies. I just needed to get it out, and here is the only place I felt like I could just let something like that out. Coury
Music Lover Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 That is a tough one. I just got dumped (NOTHING at all like your situation) but a friend asked me if I regretted having the relationship at all considering the pain I was going through. I told her "No because I learned how to love again. I did not think it was possible to love again." maybe just maybe you can relate to that?
Author Mezz Posted June 9, 2004 Author Posted June 9, 2004 Yeah, you are absolutely right. I had that in mind during the whole thing. Kinda like, now I know that I can be happier than I ever was with my old ex girlfriend. Let me tell you, some people feel like its the end of the world after someone breaks up with you, especially after a loooong relationship. But since that happened, I've dated some of the most amazing people...yeah, none have really worked out, but I learned that there are so many people out there worth knowing. I've dated people that were a billion times more interesting and exciting than my ex ever was. That makes everything all worth it.
pitprincess Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 That really makes me smile seeing you say that. Most people tend to think life goes away once you loose the moment in time you live. Stay strong and God Bless
WomenAreNuts Posted June 9, 2004 Posted June 9, 2004 wow mezz...i'm happy that this girl helped you realize that there is love after a break up with someone you love. I have to point out one thing though...what if she was the "one". You know what i mean. I don't necessarily believe in the "one" theory...that is that there's one person out there for you that is a perfect match. I instead believe that there are the "ones"...that is numerous people that are perfect for you. The thing is, the "ones" come around once, twice or three times in your life. I don't know..i'm kind of ranting, but from reading what you posted i think you should definately keep in touch with this girl and not let her be a page in your memory book.
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