Playing mindgames with myself?

[ResetInput]

Ok, this is going to be a bit confusing if not even pathetic but here it goes. (Excuse my grammar and confusing writing style) I guess i just need to let this out as its been very hard for me lately. This is going to be long.

 

Follow up story to my previous threads made as short as possible:

 

-took her back after her little GIGS style adventure (bad move)

-things were fine for a while

-i was mentally and emotionally exhausted so i was acting a bit needy, suspicious and really wasn't able to handle her (she is quite a crazy and sometimes confusing individual)

-realized we needed a break as i was sort of losing my mind (didnt know whats right, whats wrong, made all these crazy scenarios all the time, even if there wasnt anything wrong)

-tried to dump her once, she asked if we could fix this, i agreed. Things got really confusing, wont even go into details here.

-1 month after i finally pulled the plug as it was getting too much to handle.

-1 month of NC later we both caved in and exchanged two long emotionally packed emails. She finally told me some things which i wanted to hear for a long time. Got some kind of closure.

-2 months in, we bump into each other at a party, sort of ignore each other at first. Later in the evening we cave in again, start talking, end up kissing and all over each other.

 

After 6 months of absolutelly no contact we bump into each other again and this is where the things get really confusing for me (i thought i was over her but i guess i was wrong):

 

-very awkward accidental meeting with her, neither of us expected it, didnt know what to say to each other (we met in a group of mutual friends). I basically froze there, she was looking at me and i had no idea what to do (was also a bit drunk and shocked to see her).

-contacted her next day through facebook messages to explain what happened, she experienced the same thing so it was no big deal. We agreed that it should not be like this (acting like we dont know each other). I also asked her for a cup of coffee where i just wanted to sort of update each other on whats going on as its been a long time. She said she wasnt sure if enough time passed and didnt think we were ready to start meeting for coffees and such.

 

Time flew by, i started feeling better. I actually went on a couple of dates only to compare the girls to my ex. This is where i started to get mindf***ed:

 

-she started liking my posts, photos and links on our mutual friends facebook walls (this was our only bridge of "communication") and even involving herself in conversations that had absolutelly nothing to do with her, only me. I ignored it.

-3 months ago i started to have this thing with a girl she also knew very well.

-we accidentally meet again at a club again, engage in a conversation, everything is going well, just like old times. I asked her about her new boyfriend i heard about, she told me she didnt have one. After that she started asking me about this girl; i just kind of brushed it off jokingly and said it was a long story (which it was; drama filled and totally uncalled for).

I didnt confirm the rumours about this girl, nor did i deny them. I got a really weird response from her at that moment, didnt know what to think about it. It was almost like she was kind of upset about it.

-later that night we met again and she started hitting on one of my at that time "best friends" who was also a good friend of hers. She was acting really flirty with him in front of me and checking my reaction (which she didnt get). My heart sank and i left that place to go meet up with my other friends.

-next day i found out she made out with this guy in front of my other friends and also this girl i had a thing with. Mind you this guy isnt the cream of the crop considering looks and all. Even this girl told me what happened as my ex was flirting with him right in front of her (checking for her reaction also)

 

This felt like total betrayal from my friend ofcourse. I started feeling like total **** after that. Everybody told me it was pure jealousy which led her to do that (also my point of view). We also readded each other on facebook (another bad idea) where she basically constantly interacts with me in one way or another. I initiated contact two times through chat but she never does. At one time we even arranged for a coffee but it didnt work out due to school schedule and such. Im on NC now again, but its really killing me. Is it even normal to feel this way after almost a whole year? I feel like i still love her and i want her back. Im starting to think the only way to truly letting go of her is to get another rejection from her.

 

I did everything: hitting the gym, dating, found a job, study hard, keep myself busy almost all the time but she is still on my mind 24/7. I just cant stop wondering what she really feels (if anything) and why she did all that nasty flirting with one of my ex-bestfriends right in front of me. Is she just playing with me or am i just mind****ing myself? Am i really reading too much into this? I am really sick of this constant anxiety and sorrow. Every time i pick myself up and feel like im alright, i get slammed to the ground even harder. It feels like its never going to end. What should i do? Thanks in advance.

Edited February 27, 2012 by ResetInput

[Mr Scorpio]

Stay away from her. Block/ignore/defriend/etc her on Facebook. Don't go to places she goes to. Don't hang around people she hangs around with. Do not call her. Do not text her. Do not e-mail her. Do not try sending messages to her via telepathy. Stay away from her.

[ResetInput]

Ok but can you explain this a little bit for me? Your thoughts are welcome.