centara Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 27 female, been with workaholic/functional alcoholic male for past 5 years. his job requires traveling a lot, never been a problem until he was posted to another country. we had been living together for nearly 2 years by then (around the same time he proposed). said he wanted to earn more money so could get married, start a family. we've met each others friends, family & colleagues, so our lives are intertwined with one another. when he recently turned 40, he completely changed the usual m.o. (calling or texting end of day). he disappeared for couple of days, would text to checkup, then disappeared again. went through hellish 1 week. ended up traveling to his country to find what's up. found he wasn't eating well, drinking loads. was very moody. when asked him if he wanted to breakup, he said he "needed space, under a lot of pressure from work, feels like running out of time." classic mid-life crisis. but the farewell was very bittersweet. agreed to give him space, but it's been hot & cold. he calls once in awhile, latest update was last week when he decided to quit alcohol for health and wants to go to the gym . but i don't know how long it will last. i've been trying to cope, do things on my own, find my own identity, busy myself with work. i now wait till he initiates text, or if i initiate he will reply with a short one, so i guess it's an improvement. i sometimes feel used, since we share a space, his stuff is here. feels like he only keeps me around for convenience. tried to relay this to him, when he dropped by for a short stay, but he says "cannot be sad all the time, live your life, i will love you as always." we have so much history together, but feel like this one is the biggest test yet. i want to wait until he sorts himself out, although i sometimes feel abandoned and hurt. i don't know what to do, and lately, i've been picking up his bad habits (drinking wine just to get some sleep). i would appreciate if anyone here can share their experiences/advice, i'm practically living all by myself here with few friends while my immediate family members live overseas.
FitChick Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 He's 40 so not likely to change now. You are still young. Stop wasting precious years. Learn the lesson and move on. Unless you are unattractive and undesirable and have no other options...
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