Why do women put up with BS in their relationships?

[Cypress25]

I'll believe it when I see it. And I have yet to see a woman who wants a relationship but can't find one.

 

Do you honestly believe that you've met every woman in the world? Surely you must realize that your limited experience is not representative of the majority of people in the world. You've admitted that you don't go out and you have no social life, and yet you claim to know the details of every woman's dating life?

 

I got news for you, somedude. There are a lot of things in this world that you've never seen. Doesn't mean they're not real. It just means you've got blinders on. You believe what you want to believe, no matter how many people tell you that you're wrong. And you are dead WRONG about this.

 

That's because they WANT to be single.

 

No, it's not. Maybe you've never seen it (after all, you don't go out) but you'll have to take my word for it. There are many, many single women who would love to be in a relationship, but they haven't found anyone yet. Why do you think there are so many women on dating websites? You think they're doing it for fun?

 

I really have no idea, but do guys who are bad in relationships suddenly go bad or were things always that way?

 

Like the guy in V's example, were things good for a year then he just changed, or was he always like that?

 

Relationships never start out bad. They eventually go bad over time, very slowly, very gradually. People get attached in the beginning, when both partners are on their best behavior and everything seems great.

 

That's because I've been dying to get a girl to love me since I was 13. I've always easily got attached to girls. Also it's freaking rare that a girl actually lets me get close to her. So when it finally happens I get stuck fast.

 

I really don't think that happens to girls for reasons I stated above.

 

I don't know why you think women don't experience any of the same emotions that you experience. Yes, women get attached to their partners. Some of them get extremely attached. You keep making excuses for your own behavior, and yet you expect women to rise above that kind of behavior themselves. Oh right, I forgot. It's because women have it so easy and they can always get any guy they want and they never have to feel lonely or rejected. God, no wonder nobody wants to date you; that martyr complex of yours is intolerable.

[Lonely Ronin]

Some times I think You need a swift kick in the head.....

 

The girl I'm currently dating had been single for over a year and a half when we meet, And she is happy, outgoing, smart, funny, & very attractive. She put herself back 'on the market' 3 months after her last break up. She was single and looking for 15 months before we meet, because that's how long it took for her to find someone that she liked, that also liked her.

 

Very few people want to be single for long periods of time, but that doesn't mean they will settle for the first person that shows interest in them.

 

That's because they WANT to be single.

[lino]

The excuse of 'low self esteem' is rubbish because most women who get with violent and abusive guys are usually very attractive and have no problems rejecting good men left,

right and centre.

 

Most women are SINGLE between relationships, usually for several months to a year.

 

Several months to a year isn't long at all.

[veggirl]

Really now SD? Every girl you've ever known has either gone from one relationship to the next, or had a line of suitors she was rejecting? Who were these suitors? If an unemployed drunk asks me out and I say no, am I single by choice? In your world, I guess I should just take it if its offered to me? C'mon. I was single for 3 yrs before current bf!!! I wanted a bf during that time and dated some guys but nothing stuck. I guess that was my fault? I didn't meet anyone I really liked / wanted to pursue. 3 years buddy! And I'm slim, attractive, employed, smart, etc. So gimme a break. You see what you want to see, whatever will support your inaccurate views.

[somedude81]

The girl I'm currently dating had been single for over a year and a half when we meet, And she is happy, outgoing, smart, funny, & very attractive. She put herself back 'on the market' 3 months after her last break up. She was single and looking for 15 months before we meet, because that's how long it took for her to find someone that she liked, that also liked her.

 

Very few people want to be single for long periods of time, but that doesn't mean they will settle for the first person that shows interest in them.

I was single for 3 yrs before current bf!!! I wanted a bf during that time and dated some guys but nothing stuck. I guess that was my fault? I didn't meet anyone I really liked / wanted to pursue. 3 years buddy! And I'm slim, attractive, employed, smart, etc. So gimme a break. You see what you want to see, whatever will support your inaccurate views.

Anybody see a pattern?

 

Either standards are too high (and no unemployed drunks obviously don't count) or your were simply not putting in any effort to find a guy.

 

I find it really hard to believe that quality guys don't exist.

[ThaWholigan]

Anybody see a pattern?

 

Either standards are too high (and no unemployed drunks obviously don't count) or your were simply not putting in any effort to find a guy.

 

I find it really hard to believe that quality guys don't exist.

 

It's not that they don't exist, it is that they are rarer than we think. We have the potential to be quality, but a lot of us do sometimes fall a little short. But then, this particular discussion goes beyond just being attractive to women, this goes into life purpose.

[zengirl]

Can you clarify that?

 

The dynamics in a relationship are complicated. Attachments are formed. Emotions abide. Chemical reactions occur. Why someone stays might often defy logic, but that's because a lot of people don't think logically when in love. Besides that, you never really know the full dynamics of a relationship. Some calls are pretty black/white, but others are more complex. A lot of people hold onto their idea of their partner, even after being disillusioned, or fall victim to the slot machine principle, etc.

 

There is no question which one is more stigmatized now.

 

Yes, single women are still stigmatized more.

 

And yes, I've seen 'forever alone' on Reddit. But Reddit is mostly dudes (and a lot of pitiful single dudes on there, yes), so it's going to cater to that audience.

 

And no, most women are not single for only a month.

 

That's actually not the first time I heard that sex could make women stay in a relationship.

 

And that just makes me shake my head.

 

Yes, women also like having regular sex. That comes as a shock to you?

 

I'll believe it when I see it. And I have yet to see a woman who wants a relationship but can't find one.

 

That's because they WANT to be single.

 

At the very least, you can admit V exists, right? You referenced her in your post. She cannot find a relationship either and is quite often miserable about it. Many other women on these boards are single---some for quite long. There really are women who want to be in relationships and cannot make that happen.

[Thieves]

For the life of me, I can't understand why women tolerate BS, rudeness, abuse, emotional unavailability, withholding sex, whatever in a relationship.

 

You know, for once, I'm kind of with you on this, Somedude. I've seen a lot of female friends of mine who keep going back and forth between their "significant others", who keep putting up with their boyfriends' "flaws" and mistakes to ridiculous limits. It's especially frustrating when it's clear that 80% of the time, they're being treated like 100% horse sh*t. Most of the time, I believe it's because they've developed a familiarity with that person, and it's always hard to let go of the things that used to give us amazing comfort...

 

If a guy doesn't make you feel good, why are you with him? Go find somebody who will.

 

I absolutely agree. Life is too short to do otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I'm a passionate person and I will damn well fight for somebody that I love... but if I'm not getting back what I'm putting in, that tells me something isn't healthy with the person I'm trying to be with, even I do care for them.

 

If a guy wants a girl who is a dependent ragdoll to jerk around and play games with? G'bye. Plenty of other girls out there who will lap that toxic waste up like a cat with milk.

 

Admittedly, I can actually get a little too focused on this that the first few times a guy screws up, I'm tempted to just leave him alone and put my energy somewhere else...

[somedude81]

The dynamics in a relationship are complicated. Attachments are formed. Emotions abide. Chemical reactions occur. Why someone stays might often defy logic, but that's because a lot of people don't think logically when in love. Besides that, you never really know the full dynamics of a relationship. Some calls are pretty black/white, but others are more complex. A lot of people hold onto their idea of their partner, even after being disillusioned, or fall victim to the slot machine principle, etc.

Ok, the best I could get out of that is that when in a relationship and emotions are strong, logic goes out the window. Or the person may believe they are making logical decisions, while everybody else can see the truth.

Yes, single women are still stigmatized more.

Uh no.

 

I don't see any stigmatization of women for being single. And no, I don't care about the past. How things were doesn't interest me.

 

And yes, I've seen 'forever alone' on Reddit. But Reddit is mostly dudes (and a lot of pitiful single dudes on there, yes), so it's going to cater to that audience.

I've never even been to Reddit, the forever alone has become so widespread and it's basically mocking any guy who has trouble with women, and they're all over the net.

 

And no, most women are not single for only a month.

IMO, it really depends on the girl and how long she wants to wait till she gets her next BF.

 

Yes, women also like having regular sex. That comes as a shock to you?

No, the shock is that girls want to have regular sex with guys who are abusive.

 

Even you can admit that women can get sex easier than guys can. So wanting regular sex is not an excuse for staying.

 

At the very least, you can admit V exists, right? You referenced her in your post. She cannot find a relationship either and is quite often miserable about it.

V is a different case and I have a very good idea why V is single, and the fact that she turned me down isn't it. (LOL, I'm joking but I can still imagine her wanting to punch me when she reads this)

 

Many other women on these boards are single---some for quite long. There really are women who want to be in relationships and cannot make that happen.

Many others?

 

I only know of a few. From what I've seen, they either live in an area where there are few single men, and or they are at an age where most men are already married. I can understand why a 40+ woman is unhappily single, but somebody younger, nope.

 

You know, for once, I'm kind of with you on this, Somedude. I've seen a lot of female friends of mine who keep going back and forth between their "significant others", who keep putting up with their boyfriends' "flaws" and mistakes to ridiculous limits. It's especially frustrating when it's clear that 80% of the time, they're being treated like 100% horse sh*t. Most of the time, I believe it's because they've developed a familiarity with that person, and it's always hard to let go of the things that used to give us amazing comfort...

Kind of with me? That's better than nothing

 

It really is sad.

I absolutely agree. Life is too short to do otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I'm a passionate person and I will damn well fight for somebody that I love... but if I'm not getting back what I'm putting in, that tells me something isn't healthy with the person I'm trying to be with, even I do care for them.

 

If a guy wants a girl who is a dependent ragdoll to jerk around and play games with? G'bye. Plenty of other girls out there who will lap that toxic waste up like a cat with milk.

 

Admittedly, I can actually get a little too focused on this that the first few times a guy screws up, I'm tempted to just leave him alone and put my energy somewhere else...

Awesome, you earned yourself a like.

 

BTW, your avatar creeps me out

[veggirl]

Anybody see a pattern?

 

Either standards are too high (and no unemployed drunks obviously don't count) or your were simply not putting in any effort to find a guy.

 

I find it really hard to believe that quality guys don't exist.

 

You have no idea what effort I was or was not putting in. We all know you don't put in effort, though.

 

I never said quality guys don't exist. I have one now! BUT, I will say no they aren't out lining up for every cute girl in the world, and perhaps they are not as abundant as you think.

 

I just don't get why girls are considered lazy or too picky if they are single, but you aren't. In general, females are more interested in true relationships from my experience, whereas guys are happier being single and playing the field.

[lino]

and a lot of pitiful single dudes on there, yes), so it's going to cater to that audience.

 

You pretty much just proved the point somedude is trying to make there. I doubt you'd refer to single women as ' pitiful'

 

 

I don't think either gender is stigmatized more for being single but a man with virtually no relationship experience is seen as very low status whereas that isn't the case with females.

[zengirl]

No, the shock is that girls want to have regular sex with guys who are abusive.

 

Even you can admit that women can get sex easier than guys can. So wanting regular sex is not an excuse for staying.

 

Many women prefer to have sex within a relationship---hence REGULAR sex. And I didn't realize you meant actual abuse. Not all jerks (men or women) are abusive.

[Lonely Ronin]

I don't see any stigmatization of women for being single. And no, I don't care about the past. How things were doesn't interest me.

Women do it to themselves a lot, the "what's wrong with me" self talk.

 

IMO, it really depends on the girl and how long she wants to wait till she gets her next BF.

Again this is how your view of women is screwed, very few women have men lined up that they like that are willing to date them. This goes back to standards conversation (I'm not just talking physical), both peoples must be meet for a relationship to form.

 

Many others?

 

I only know of a few. From what I've seen, they either live in an area where there are few single men, and or they are at an age where most men are already married. I can understand why a 40+ woman is unhappily single, but somebody younger, nope.

 

You don't know as many, because they are generally a lot less vocal about it. They might only mention it once or twice, and when they do they aren't very negative about it. Men on LS are the exact opposite, they rant loudly and often about how angry they are about being single.

[Thieves]

Awesome, you earned yourself a like.

 

BTW, your avatar creeps me out

 

Huzzah, my first 'like'.

 

My avatar creeps you out? Well, then it's doing its job right! Funny, I was just thinking of changing it... to a cupcake, haha. Guess I figured I'd go with the less 'conventional' one.

[Ruby Slippers]

I have serious issues with that.

 

How old would you have to be to know that somebody is treating you like crap?

I had an emotionally and verbally abusive dad, so I was used to being neglected and treated poorly. Even though my first love was kind of an *******, he treated me great in comparison to what I was used to. It wasn't until I got with the next guy, who treated me very well for the most part, that I woke up.

 

Why would you not take off as soon as things got bad the first time you experienced it?

I really did love my first love, and I thought I'd be with him for life. I thought that his ******* behavior was a byproduct of stress, immaturity. I didn't stay with him too long before I left, and it was a huge relief. My life started going sharply uphill right away. I got this huge scholarship within months of leaving that jerk.

 

So when you were in a bad relationship, you had absolutely no other guys interested in you? Or did they all seem worse than the current BF?

I'm very sensitive, and when I was young it took me a long time to feel comfortable with a new guy. I already had that comfort level with the guy I was with, and that was hard to give up.

 

The outweighed the drawbacks? What benefits? And how could they be more important and stronger than the negatives?

Some of the benefits that counteracted the drawbacks in my relationships have been:

 

• Amazing sex and strong attraction that I didn't think I would find again
  
• Strong creative bond (writing and recording music together, for example)
  
• Him making my life way easier, for the most part
  
• Him making me feel "special"
  
• Great social network together, awesome parties at our house
  
• Having a blast together when times were good
  

 

What keeps people in bad situations is often a scarcity mentality. Now I realize that there are tons of men in the world, so surely I can find ONE that I really click with. And if I can't, I'd rather be single. Because then there's at least the hope that you will meet a great match.

[ScienceGal]

If a guy doesn't make you feel good, why are you with him? Go find somebody who will.

 

Working on it

[fortyninethousand322]

Short of actual physical abuse (which completely wrong) I actually think it's best for the girls who date "bad guys" to just stick to dating those kinds of men (or that particular guy). That way the legitimately good guys out there don't end up disappointing them (sexually, personally) and the decent guys don't have to deal with the baggage these women probably have.

[Cypress25]

I find it really hard to believe that quality guys don't exist.

 

Of course they exist, but they're hard to find. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and the vast majority of them aren't compatible with each other. Surely you've heard the expression "All the decent guys are either taken or gay." So what's left? Guys like you, somedude.

[Lonely Ronin]

Come on Cypress, that last statement is pretty damn harsh...

[daphne]

I'm not. Which is probably why I'm single. I'd rather be happy and single than treated poorly just to have a relationship. If more women were this way, the men that don't know how to treat women would respect them more.

 

Some people will compromise their integrity to be in a relationship. I've been there. It's a miserable place to be.

[ThaWholigan]

Come on Cypress, that last statement is pretty damn harsh...

Agreed, didn't need to be said.

[Nightsky]

Anybody see a pattern?

 

Either standards are too high (and no unemployed drunks obviously don't count) or your were simply not putting in any effort to find a guy.

 

I find it really hard to believe that quality guys don't exist.

 

I see a pattern in your posts.

 

You start off with why do women put up with BS? So, doesn't that mean they should be single or keep dating till they find the right guy... But then you say they should just date a guy because quality guy must exist at all times.

 

Tell me are you a quality guy? The way you disrespectfully talk down to people (girls) who disagree with you would say otherwise. Face it you completely dismiss what people say and that is a number one complaint of most women. You live in your own world so by your own logic women should avoid you.

 

Why not spend your time loving and building yourself instead of trying to insult women. Like many have said plenty of men put up with BS. People aren't perfect.

[Thieves]

Of course they exist, but they're hard to find. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and the vast majority of them aren't compatible with each other. Surely you've heard the expression "All the decent guys are either taken or gay." So what's left? Guys like you, somedude.

 

Was there honestly no other way... for you to phrase that last point of yours? Or were you being deliberately provocative?

[somedude81]

I'm not. Which is probably why I'm single. I'd rather be happy and single than treated poorly just to have a relationship. If more women were this way, the men that don't know how to treat women would respect them more.

 

Some people will compromise their integrity to be in a relationship. I've been there. It's a miserable place to be.

Actually, I'd say if more women were that way, the men who don't know how to treat women would never date. And then the guys who would actively work on treating women right, would.

 

I see a pattern in your posts.

 

You start off with why do women put up with BS? So, doesn't that mean they should be single or keep dating till they find the right guy... But then you say they should just date a guy because quality guy must exist at all times.

I'm saying that they should be single until they find a quality guy and not tolerate a guy who isn't.

 

Tell me are you a quality guy?

I could be. But right now I'm rough, raw, don't really know what I'm doing. Though I have no doubt that I can be a great partner. I just need a woman to let me try.

 

The way you disrespectfully talk down to people (girls) who disagree with you would say otherwise. Face it you completely dismiss what people say and that is a number one complaint of most women. You live in your own world so by your own logic women should avoid you.

 

Why not spend your time loving and building yourself instead of trying to insult women. Like many have said plenty of men put up with BS. People aren't perfect.

Huh!?

 

I don't insult or disrespectfully talk down to anybody here.