Falcon25 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) I posted on earlier thread about my situation. It's been a week now, haven't heard from her. As far as I'm concerned, when people ask me why I'm down, I tell them that someone close to me is gone. Because that's what it's like, someone you know and want, doesn't want you, they are as good as dead at that point. Here's what I learned from reading and listening to people. There are 2 types of break ups. Of course, this is a male point of view. 1. Men who are needy, too available, doormats, no sexual appeal, etc. The woman gets BORED. Many women, especially these days, will not tolerate boredom. Something biologically negative happens to them when a man becomes too loving, too predictable, unsexy etc. This is a majority of female break ups. This has to do with losing ATTRACTION to a man. This is when they start looking elsewhere. This is when they may cheat, or be repulsed by the idea of that man touching them. I would put it at 70 percent. 2. Women who are not ready. Those who are tripping over their exes, another man in the past, sexual abuse, emotional abuse. Anything pschological that has happened in the past, that still lingers in the present. These are women with baggage from the past. Emotionally unavailable (though they don't know it). Just the wrong time, etc. These are about 30 percent of break ups. These types of break ups are especially hard because the man doesn't know what he did wrong. What he doesn't realize is that, although she said "I'm single", she really wasn't. She wasn't ready. She just felt good "at the time". Emotionally unavailable women are like married women, it's not a good idea to be with them. This is my male side of view on why women break up and what I learned from my own. Mine falls in the second group. Mine is non fixable. It depends entirely on the woman's psyche. FML. Edited February 27, 2012 by Falcon25
Frank13 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Point 1. is the reason women go for bad boys. The drama, and bad feelings make them feel the opposite of boring. They would rather have a passionate fight than a boring evening with a guy. It makes them feel alive. The interesting thing you will see on LS is that the woman who have the most trouble getting over an ex are the ones who were treated like crap the most by the ex.
missyme04 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Hmmmmmm. What i learned from my break-up? I guess it's hard to say. but for me, I learned not to give your trust 100% especially now a days. I agree with the "emotional abuse" thing why relationships dont last long. Hope that helped
Mack05 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) My lessons are alot simplier. At my best (16-32) not one girl has ever dumped me or even come close to dumping me. At my worst (32-36) they (two girls) didn't hang round long. The fell out of love with me, quicker then they fell in Love with me. The obvious lesson to me is if you find a worthy girl, don't give her reason(s) to leave you. If you have self esteem issues, lack of confidence, (I also was far too 'enabling' in those R's) they will leave. Just a matter of when. Even when they say they will stick it out, there is something else going on underneath the surface. You are pushing them away without realising the damage you are doing. Before I would feel sorry for myself and say to myself "the right girl won't leave". I would obsess about an ex's behaviour and thought process's. I have changed so much in a year. Now, I just say to myself "Mack she didn't want you man, go find a woman that does". It's a new ability to gain acceptance and know that the 'unknown answers' simply don't matter. That doesn't mean I am not very sad about things. I am. I just decided to live my life with a positive "Yes I can attitude" going forward. My attitude now is, WHEN the next girl comes into my life and I fall in love with her, don't give her reason(s) to want to leave. Be the best I can be. When you are at your best things like communication, compromise and understanding just seem to flow so much easier.. This weekend was the first time in 5 years, I genuinely liked the person looking back at me in the mirror. All my hard training and healthy eating is finally starting to pay off. The extra sun I am getting (moved to Portugal) isn't doing me any harm either :-) We have lost some battles guys, it doesn't mean we have to lose the war...The real lesson for me -> Until you are happy within you, there can never be two.... Edited February 27, 2012 by Mack05
Phanpooh Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Point 1: everybody only can give 80% what other need... in this case, i think women just go out and find 20% else. no matter you are good or bad, there is something you don't have to give them. Seriously, if you are really "healthy" and believe in your charming, your ex never forget you. in my case, i had an ex ( i dumped her 7y ago), she had emotion cheated me, and last month i talked with her, still in fog and tell me that after me, she can't find "love"... and she don't want to talk with me, cause she lost her confident when she face my face... Point 2: you should know what is the problem during your relationship, if she don't love you, someday she will leave you. we can give someone everything but there is only 1 thing we can't, that is love... so use your both head and heart... my last relationship is 2y and that girl can't get over her ex. i tried everything and then she dump me for her fantatic dream... and my result is the way i take my life back to present
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Honestly? To never reveal my insecurities and vulnerabilities again. Guys will just use and abuse them. People are selfish and they will just not stick around when it's not "fun" anymore. It's always about what's in it for them. The more "love" they proclaim, the more superficial their feelings are. 1
HollyBolly Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 People are selfish and they will just not stick around when it's not "fun" anymore. It's always about what's in it for them. The more "love" they proclaim, the more superficial their feelings are. I totally agree.
vsmini Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Honestly? To never reveal my insecurities and vulnerabilities again. Guys will just use and abuse them. People are selfish and they will just not stick around when it's not "fun" anymore. It's always about what's in it for them. The more "love" they proclaim, the more superficial their feelings are. I know you're hurt but these over generalizations are just ridiculous. I'm assuming that the same goes for you too? Or are you exempt because why? You're a female? You're different? I agree that revealing every single little insecurity and vulnerability is unhealthy - no guy or girl should have to deal with someone who is constantly having issues. The person that's spilling their guts needs to have some control over their own life and get a grip - but a relationship that isn't open with some insecurites or vulnerabilities is just as equally unhealthy.
Author Falcon25 Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 I think the last few posts were off topic.
tgr172 Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 Honestly? To never reveal my insecurities and vulnerabilities again. Guys will just use and abuse them. People are selfish and they will just not stick around when it's not "fun" anymore. It's always about what's in it for them. The more "love" they proclaim, the more superficial their feelings are. ES To be honest I perfer that a woman does reveal them. I lets me know how to interface and makes them a real person. If you are in love those insecurities and vulnerabilities are what I can avoid or be in tune with. I would take a sick person to use them for their own benifit. Now as a guy I agree. never reveal them women see that as weak and not confident. Its the hell men have to go through alone. Whats in it for them? Totally agree. God I see so many people like that but they are also very good at acting differently. I have learned self centered people have developed a very good cover up mechanism. Fool alot of poeple . And it makes it hardn on genuine sincere people because everyone falls into that catagory if you are scared.
jassib Posted March 4, 2012 Posted March 4, 2012 (edited) I posted on earlier thread about my situation. It's been a week now, haven't heard from her. As far as I'm concerned, when people ask me why I'm down, I tell them that someone close to me is gone. Because that's what it's like, someone you know and want, doesn't want you, they are as good as dead at that point. Here's what I learned from reading and listening to people. There are 2 types of break ups. Of course, this is a male point of view. 1. Men who are needy, too available, doormats, no sexual appeal, etc. The woman gets BORED. Many women, especially these days, will not tolerate boredom. Something biologically negative happens to them when a man becomes too loving, too predictable, unsexy etc. This is a majority of female break ups. This has to do with losing ATTRACTION to a man. This is when they start looking elsewhere. This is when they may cheat, or be repulsed by the idea of that man touching them. I would put it at 70 percent. 2. Women who are not ready. Those who are tripping over their exes, another man in the past, sexual abuse, emotional abuse. Anything pschological that has happened in the past, that still lingers in the present. These are women with baggage from the past. Emotionally unavailable (though they don't know it). Just the wrong time, etc. These are about 30 percent of break ups. These types of break ups are especially hard because the man doesn't know what he did wrong. What he doesn't realize is that, although she said "I'm single", she really wasn't. She wasn't ready. She just felt good "at the time". Emotionally unavailable women are like married women, it's not a good idea to be with them. This is my male side of view on why women break up and what I learned from my own. Mine falls in the second group. Mine is non fixable. It depends entirely on the woman's psyche. FML. well, falcon i think you are right but in my case i feel like i do ave both issues with her, me ex has bad feelings why i will tell you, first her mom broke up with her dad when she was a baby second her mom married 2 times after that and break up again and now her mom is 58 yrs old and do not have a man she still single the 3rd time for her mom i was with her daughter and i saw the man that she has engaged with him 2 yrs then break again i found my ex telling me my mom broke up with her 3rd husband so now my ex is carrying her mom's point of view about men and that men are demons i tried to fix this problem with her she is totally messed up with this view and her mom is the reason. the next point of you also apply to me i did lot of things wrong to her even though i tried to be the as good as i could with her but my ex has a lack of lot of things she does not get support from any body even her mom i think her mom is not supporting her the most worse thing that she is attached to her mom she loves her so so much that's coz she feel like her mom was a victim of men, 3 men and she is too old now and still don't have a man in her life even the 3rd one she failed to stay with him. i don't know the reasons why her mom broke with the 3rd man but i saw, him talked to him before break up with her mom he was a good man but my ex surprised me one day and told me my mom broke up with him even her mom when i was engaged with her daughter she was talking to me about him like do you like him i told her yes he is a good guy lot of questions from her mom about him and she was happy coz she finally found a man in her life after the 2 break ups before then i told her don't lose him. my ex is totally messed up from her mom's experiences in love. to be honest i do not know until now why my ex do that with me each break she comes back with so emotional for me and after a while she lose it again then we prepare for break up could you please read my story and give advice thnx so much Edited March 4, 2012 by jassib
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