Would you date someone who holds the opp abortion belief?

February 27, 2012

I'm a 29 year old female and I'm dating a guy that is pro life. I'm pro choice. I was shocked at first - it wasn't anything we even discussed until about 5-6 months into dating. For some reason I assumed he was pro choice, perhaps because everyone around me seems to be pro choice. Now that I'm 29 with a good job and a relationship that should be leading to an engagement soon I would have the baby anyhow as I'm confident I could be a good mother and give the child a good life.

It would not be a dealbreaker for me but it would be very difficult if I knew I would abort a pregnancy and be with a guy that completely opposed it. I would say if you know you would have an abortion then triple up on birth control or not have sex.

And may I say - if it's a woman's body (which it is and I agree with) and she can choose if she keeps the baby or doesnt than I say it's the man's choice if he wants to pay child support. You can't just give the woman all the choices. If a man has little to no say in if he's going to be a father or not I think he has all the say if he's going to pay up or not. Right thing to do or not I think that's a crap double standard.

Edited February 27, 2012 by vsmini

February 27, 2012

I look at abortion the way I look at drugs: you shouldn't do it (and I would frown on those who did), but it shouldn't illegal either.

I don't know if that makes me pro-life or pro-choice but that's how I feel.

February 27, 2012

. Why on earth would a pro-choicer feel that a pro-life stance was a deal breaker?

As a woman, it is very important to me that the person I'm risking pregnancy with could act in a supportive manner, should I ever feel in need of an abortion.

February 27, 2012

I both agree and disagree - I think the crux of the matter should be what they think of 'abortion', not pro-life or pro-choice. Those terms are related, but not necessarily directly so. I am pro-choice, for instance, as I believe in every woman being given the choice to do as she wishes. However, for me, myself, I would do everything I possibly can to not carry out an abortion - which includes not having sex until such a time as I will be able to bear the child in the worst case scenario of 2 contraceptive methods failing. In that case, I suppose I want the man to be pro-choice - NOT some bastardization of the word in which it means I must abort or he will have nothing further to do with me - but genuinely supportive of my final decision of what to do with the baby, be it to keep it or not. Certainly he will have a great deal of input on it, but I must be able to trust that he will stand behind the final choice that I make (with taking into account his input).

Edited February 27, 2012 by Elswyth

February 27, 2012

I look at abortion the way I look at drugs: you shouldn't do it (and I would frown on those who did), but it shouldn't illegal either.

I don't know if that makes me pro-life or pro-choice but that's how I feel.

Yeah man you're right here. I'd feel very uncomfortable with a woman who felt like abortion was an option to her in case of an unwanted pregnancy (not in case of rape or her life being in danger though, just she felt having a pregnancy was inconvenient to her). And I'd be equally uncomfortable dating a woman who wanted the state to bust into people's homes to prevent them from having abortions.

So it's like have some sense of personal responsibility by not having an abortion, but don't be a fascist.

February 27, 2012

If the precautions I take in order to not conceive were to ever fail and I became pregnant, I would abort. For me, there is no other option as I do not want to have children and I do not want to go through pregnancy; I see it as a huge inconvenience. I don't want to suffer so I can give someone else a baby. Naturally, I could never date a guy who doesn't see abortion as an option if he were to ever get a woman pregnant.

February 27, 2012

At first I think women should have the choice so I would be pro-choice.

Then you hear about women who have had way too many abortions and use abortions too frequently as a means of birth control. That isn't right either.

I am very conflicted.

Then I am just kind of mad because if I was ever in that situation, I know I would have no say in the matter.

So I guess I am pro-choice, but I wouldn't mind dating someone who is pro-life.

February 27, 2012

At first I think women should have the choice so I would be pro-choice.
Then you hear about women who have had way too many abortions and use abortions too frequently as a means of birth control. That isn't right either.

I am very conflicted.

Then I am just kind of mad because if I was ever in that situation, I know I would have no say in the matter.
So I guess I am pro-choice, but I wouldn't mind dating someone who is pro-life.

Yeah, it makes me angry whenever I hear of people doing that too.

February 27, 2012

Yeah, it makes me angry whenever I hear of people doing that too.

Agreed, because it shows that they are not being responsible when it comes to preventing pregnancy in the first place. Abortion isn't on the level of putting on a condom or swallowing a pill.

February 27, 2012

No, I wouldn't. Because in the event of a pregnancy (and please note that chances of that are miniscule as I take multiple preventative measures), there is no doubt in my mind that I would have an abortion immediately. I wouldn't want to be with someone who wouldn't support me in this decision or who would try to guilt or pressure me into keeping a baby that I'm not ready to have.

February 27, 2012

No I would not date someone who is pro-life.

I think any woman should be able to have an abortion for ANY reason. If she wants to use it as "birth control" which some posters have ludicrously accused women of doing, hey that's on her. Pretty fking expensive birth control, though. And when have ya actually heard of a woman doing this? PTP and Elswyth? Seriously?

February 27, 2012

No I would not date someone who is pro-life.

I think any woman should be able to have an abortion for ANY reason. If she wants to use it as "birth control" which some posters have ludicrously accused women of doing, hey that's on her. Pretty fking expensive birth control, though. And when have ya actually heard of a woman doing this? PTP and Elswyth? Seriously?

I think it's not about using it all the time as birth control it's more like you got pregnant unexpectedly don't want the child and decided to abort. To me, that's wrong and not taking responsibility for your actions. But, I'd never make that illegal (I'm an anarchist I don't even the state should exist in the first place).

February 27, 2012

I don't really think the heart of the issue here is abortion; I think we are talking more about what dealbreakers are acceptable and which ones are stupid. Having said that, I am mostly of the opinion that there mostly--MOSTLY--are no stupid dealbreakers. If it matters to you, then you don't need a dozen more people to tell you it is okay. It just is what it is; it matters to you, and that's good enough. If you can't stand someone having an opposing view on abortion, then that is non-negotiable to you.

Some Republicans can't date Liberals and vice versa. Some vegetarians won't date non-vegetarians. For me, its chewing tobacco. I mean, I just can't stand chew. Can't stand it. The guy could be the Prince of Monaco and look like Orlando Bloom, but if he chewed tobacco I would duck and run as fast as I could. NON-NEGOTIABLE.

But . . . . that's kind of a dumb example because a dude can always quit Skol if he wants to be with me. Abortion views are not very likely to change. If it is a non-negotiable for you, don't question it and don't apologize.

February 27, 2012

I think it's not about using it all the time as birth control it's more like you got pregnant unexpectedly don't want the child and decided to abort. To me, that's wrong and not taking responsibility for your actions. But, I'd never make that illegal (I'm an anarchist I don't even the state should exist in the first place).

How isn't it taking responsibility? It's handling the pregnancy. Maybe not in the way you would, but yes it is taking responsibility and making a decision.

Anyway, whatever, you're pro-choice so you can have that opinion if you'd like.

February 27, 2012

WHY DOES IT MATTER WHAT SOMEONES ABORTION VIEWS ARE?

I am amazed that you ask this.

Do you think that a woman who has had an abortion would have a happy and healthy relationship with a man who believed that she was a murderer?

And, vice versa?

Do you think that a woman who believes strongly in her ultimate sovereignty over what happens to her body could have a happy and healthy relationship with a man who believes that it is her duty to carry a baby to term if she gets pregnant?

If fertile people are having sex, there are opportunities for pregnancy. The creation of that life, if it happens, is the responsibility of both people. I think it's blatantly clear why abortion views would be important when people are having sex with each other.

February 27, 2012

It depends. There is a difference of being strictly pro-life or pro-choice and personal beliefs for oneself. I am pro-choice and my husband is pro-choice, but he expressed to me he personally wouldn't want to have an abortion if it were his own child, but thinks women should have the right to choose in certain circumstances. However, I probably wouldn't date someone who has total opposite views, because in the rare scenario an unplanned pregnancy should happen, both partners will need to come to an agreement as far as the outcome. And good point Kaylan about the "pro-life and pro-death" thing. One of my friends said exactly the same thing!

February 27, 2012

Morally, I despise abortions. Even if I think about it like a fetus, I feel the whole operation is so sad. You go into a room. Take off your clothes. Get in the operation apparrel. Sit still. Lie back. Stare at the ceiling. Think. Doctor comes in. Discusses the forms you signed. He tells you of any risks you take. Then the surgery begins. Someone swipe or suck the growing fetus out of you. Put back on your clothes. Go home. The end.

However, practically abortions are necessary. Society must limit the number of unwed mothers (because they are likely to be poor), rape victimization, poor women who have babies out of wedlock, teen pregnacy, pregnacy with high risk of death of mother; post-partum depression; child abuse due to neglect, resentment: it is much better for the woman if she can decide when she will carry a baby to term then to not. So, really there is no choice.

February 27, 2012

At first I think women should have the choice so I would be pro-choice.
Then you hear about women who have had way too many abortions and use abortions too frequently as a means of birth control. That isn't right either.

I am very conflicted.

Then I am just kind of mad because if I was ever in that situation, I know I would have no say in the matter.
So I guess I am pro-choice, but I wouldn't mind dating someone who is pro-life.

I definitely agree. While I don't agree with abortion being used as a "method" of birth control, there are too many needy families and parents unfit to raise children in the world. Anyone who is incapable of providing proper child-rearing any child deserves, should not be a parent.

February 27, 2012

Morally, I despise abortions. Even if I think about it like a fetus, I feel the whole operation is so sad. You go into a room. Take off your clothes. Get in the operation apparrel. Sit still. Lie back. Stare at the ceiling. Think. Doctor comes in. Discusses the forms you signed. He tells you of any risks you take. Then the surgery begins. Someone swipe or suck the growing fetus out of you. Put back on your clothes. Go home. The end.

FWIW, generally it's NOT a fetus. Granted, it might be that far along, but most abortions are had when its still an embryo.

I think the surgery is sad, too. It's sad because it's unnecessary in many cases. Many women could have an abortion medically (the actual abortion pill, not Plan B), rather than surgically, and we've chosen to outlaw that option in many states. That's pretty sad, especially if the woman has already been traumatized or violated and then has to undergo unnecessary surgery (surgery is always a traumatic experience, even under the best circumstances, and especially this one).

At any rate, there is nothing "happy" about abortions, and I don't think anyone is trying to spin it that way. They are just 'a better alternative' in some cases and for some people. I think the need for abortions and the whole sad situations should be made more rare through more easily available BC (it is OTC in many countries, and should be here) that is made cheaper and available to diverse populations, better education, and social reform. But I think the last thing someone needs after an abortion (which is, yes, quite a bit traumatic I've always imagined) is the judgment of others who never had to make that choice in her shoes. And you can never really be in anyone else's shoes.

Personally, I cannot think of many things more terrifying than being forced to carry something inside of me and birth it against my will. YMMV.

February 27, 2012

I am amazed that you ask this.

Do you think that a woman who has had an abortion would have a happy and healthy relationship with a man who believed that she was a murderer?

And, vice versa?

Do you think that a woman who believes strongly in her ultimate sovereignty over what happens to her body could have a happy and healthy relationship with a man who believes that it is her duty to carry a baby to term if she gets pregnant?

If fertile people are having sex, there are opportunities for pregnancy. The creation of that life, if it happens, is the responsibility of both people. I think it's blatantly clear why abortion views would be important when people are having sex with each other.

You are talking about people who look at this in extremes.

Maybe you should read my post in full again. I gave my reasoning for why both sides have a good point and that its silly to see those good points as a deal breaker. Im pro choice, but I dont see all pro-lifers as someone who wants to take away personal liberties. It varies person to person on how strongly they view the issue, be they pro life or pro choice.

So please do back to page one and read my post again.

Edited February 27, 2012 by kaylan

February 27, 2012

On the flip side...I think itd be silly for a pro-choice advocate to not want to date a pro-lifer. Why on earth would a pro-choicer feel that a pro-life stance was a deal breaker? My ex was pro-life and I was fine with it. Whats such a deal breaker about someone who just didnt agree with ending life in any way? Whats such a deal breaker about a girl whos maternal instincts are just too damn strong for her to put herself through something like an abortion?

Kaylan this "good point" IS a dealbreaker for me.

First of all, you realize this is a political issue, not just a moral one right? Pro-lifers don't want me or any other woman to have legal access to abortion. That is what pro-life is. That is a dealbreaker for me--someone who thinks they should be able to tell me NO on that subject. If they say "well it should be legal but I hope people don't get abortions" they are Pro-choice, NOT Pro-life.

And if I become pregnant by a pro-lifer and want an abortion, I don't need the extra BS from him about how wrong it is and how life begins at conception.

Dealbreaker.

February 27, 2012

Kaylan this "good point" IS a dealbreaker for me.

First of all, you realize this is a political issue, not just a moral one right? Pro-lifers don't want me or any other woman to have legal access to abortion. That is what pro-life is. That is a dealbreaker for me--someone who thinks they should be able to tell me NO on that subject. If they say "well it should be legal but I hope people don't get abortions" they are Pro-choice, NOT Pro-life.

And if I become pregnant by a pro-lifer and want an abortion, I don't need the extra BS from him about how wrong it is and how life begins at conception.

Dealbreaker.

Um no....not all pro lifers are trying to strip your legal access to abortion. That is patently false. I know several pro lifers and while some are out right against abortion, they simply say "thats on you if you do it" That was my ex. She was very very pro life, but wasnt trying to control people.

And being pro life isnt just about abortion. My ex was adamant that suicide was never the answer for someone. We had a huge disagreement about this once...she felt that someone could never exhaust the help they could receive. But I told her that sometimes people see no way out, so if they end their life...its said...but I felt "why should they leave in depression and unhappiness?"

February 27, 2012

You are talking about people who look at this in extremes.

Maybe you should read my post in full again. I gave my reasoning for why both sides have a good point and that its silly to see those good points as a deal breaker. Im pro choice, but I dont see all pro-lifers as someone who wants to take away personal liberties. It varies person to person on how strongly they view the issue, be they pro life or pro choice.

So please do back to page one and read my post again.

Pro-life means taking away someone's personal liberties. It means taking away MY personal liberties. It means restricting whether or not women can choose to have an abortion or would be forced to remain pregnant against their wills. It means legislating that.

If someone thinks abortions should be legal, available, safe, and so forth, they are pro-choice. They may still not LIKE abortions, ever imagine having one, etc. But pro-choice is about. . . choice. It's about the legal availability of choice.

Now, pro-lifers don't necessarily want to take away OTHER personal liberties because it is a single issue, but the whole stance is based on the desire to remove specific rights and liberties that women currently have to determine what happens to their bodies.

Of course, all pro-life groups aren't ALL about abortion, though I am amazed at pro-lifers who are also pro-death penalty. There are many groups like that, but some are also working against the death penalty---most Catholic groups would be, at least. Plenty think it's fine and dandy to kill a living, breathing human being who doesn't require another human's body as a host, though, so pro-life is mostly defined by abortion.

February 27, 2012

From a guy's perspective, the reason I'd be wary about casually dating someone who was strongly pro-life is that if the woman becomes unintentionally pregnant, there's a high probability that I'll be on the hook for 25% of my income for a kid I only get to see two days a month. I know we're supposed to be all touchy-feely and only talk about the woman's perspective and how men should support her, but from the male perspective, "support" can have a different meaning. (It's also why I developed a mantra that I chant any time I am tempted to get sloppy with birth control: "25% of my income. 25% of my income. 25% of my income. . . ")

If it's a woman who I might want to marry, it's even more important. I think before we'd marry anyone we'd want to have a serious talk about things like, "What do we do if we get pregnant and we know the baby will be mentally or physically handicapped? Or won't be able to have anything resembling a normal life?" That kind of stuff can happen to anyone, and I'd think it's something a couple would want to discuss LONG before it becomes an issue.

February 27, 2012

Um no....not all pro lifers are trying to strip your legal access to abortion. That is patently false. I know several pro lifers and while some are out right against abortion, they simply say "thats on you if you do it" That was my ex. She was very very pro life, but wasnt trying to control people.

Then she isn't pro-life. She is actually pro-choice.

Pro Life vs Pro Choice | Pro Life Information

The pro life movement wants to make sure that women are not able to take either of these actions during any stage of pregnancy and only in the most extreme of health situations

I think you might be confusing personal views on abortion with the actual political restrictions of the terms "pro-life" and "pro-choice." Being against abortion for yourself but saying "that's on you if you do it" is a common viewpoint of a pro-choice person. They don't believe in letting their personal choices dictate the personal choices of others.

Either way, my partner's opinion on it is definitely important, because I would unquestionably turn to abortion in the event of an unwanted pregnancy (god forbid). I tell my partners this as soon as we become sexually intimate, even though I take the pill and use condoms. Pregnancy can still happen, though chances are miniscule. I want us to be on the same page if an accident DID happen. I wouldn't want to be with someone who was going to pressure me into keeping a baby I'm not ready to have.

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Would you date someone who holds the opp abortion belief?

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