jus d'orange Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Hi all, I just wanted to say that I have found this forum to be enormously helpful in life after the break-up. Thank you! I have learned so much from being here, and I hope I have helped others in return. Anyway, tomorrow marks 4 weeks since the breakup and yesterday marks 5 weeks since I last saw her in person (it was a LDR). Brief sum-up so you don't have to (re-)read my first thread-- we're both 21 year old college students. We met in high school, were best friends to begin with. I pursued her for over a year before we ended up being together. She broke up with me after nearly 4 years together, most of it long distance. Said she had always wanted to be independent when in college and beyond, and found that she didn't feel comfortable committing any further without being single and learning more about herself. We had some problems in our relationship from both sides, but it was largely a happy, loving, and supportive relationship. A week prior to break-up, she asked for a break of 3 months; in that week, I was very broken up and did not react well. After asking to talk to her about it and sending her a long message giving my support and best wishes for the break, she broke up with me instead. Since then, I have been 100% no contact with her. Anyway, after panicking toward the end of the relationship (mainly because of the sudden shift from everything getting better to everything going wrong), I have found the healing process to be better than I expected. I still suffer, but I have had a couple days now where I largely felt good about the whole thing. I miss her, but I've come to realize I miss the girl who was in love with me, not the one who said she loved but was not in love. I have also come to realize that the break-up has allowed me to finally face my problems in the only way I could truly overcome them-- on my own. If the relationship had continued as-it-was, then it would have turned toxic. We would have resented each other, I'm sure. As it is, I don't feel any bitterness toward her, because at least she was honest with me and brave enough to end it in a respectful way. I can be happy knowing that she will find happiness this way, too, because it was a necessary step for her in her life. She's a good person, and she deserves it. I've got all sorts of plans for myself for the future: plans of self-growth, plans of serious fitness, career plans, etc. I'm really learning through all of this how to appreciate all the good things in my life. I've really come to understand how great my family and friends are. My question is this: I was speaking with my best, oldest friend tonight. He and I were chatting about the break-up a bit, and I mentioned that it was strange not knowing if she and I would ever speak again. I wondered aloud if maybe she hated me for the way I panicked and didn't act in a self-respecting manner. He told me that he knew she didn't hate me for sure; she'd called him several days ago and talked to him about it. Apparently, she still thinks of me as her "best friend" and finds it really hard not being able to talk to me like she used to. She said that the month had been "really rough." She expressed strong desire that I get in contact with her, and he told her that I wasn't planning on it, nor did he think I should. I still have no intention of contacting her, especially since she initiated the break-up. However, I'm also wanting to be realistic about this. I'm falling out of love with her now, too. I'm moving on with my life, but I still value her highly as a person. I think that, if she and I made the right changes and self-improvements and didn't become totally different people, we could still have a strong relationship someday (even just as friends). Is it likely that she'll get in touch with me eventually? Should there come a point when I change my mind and give her a call? Until there comes a time when I am absolutely sure that I don't want her as anything but a friend (if that day ever comes), I don't really want to talk to her and have her be like that. For instance, I don't wanna chat to her about dates (duh.). Do I just sit tight for now and keep letting the time pass? I assume that she knows I don't hate her and still think she's a good person, but I also would prefer we not eliminate the possibility of a good future relationship of some kind because of a misunderstanding about now. Thanks in advance for any advice. I feel like this is such a grey area.
Frank13 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I feel that if you fall out of love with them and take the time to get over them, then you no longer need, or should want, them as a friend. Give someone else a chance to be your friend. Leave the relationship with them in the past, where it belongs. Just my 2 cents. 1
Author jus d'orange Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Weird... Today has been a rough day. It's been several days since I really just wanted to feel the "us" again. I think it might be that the warmer weather makes me think of visiting her (as I'd done in a couple weeks the last few years). Hm.
Numb79 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Orange, The only person that knows the answers to your question is yourself. As cliche as this may sound.... friendships are the somewhat the same as relationships. If it was meant to be it will be..... just let it takes its course. I wish you the best of luck and you have been a great inspiration to me here on this board.
CaliBabe Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 "I have also come to realize that the break-up has allowed me to finally face my problems in the only way I could truly overcome them-- on my own." I loved that. How extremely profound.
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