Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Huh? Exit? How do you exit if you're not dating someone? Oh, by "exit," I was referring to positive social interactions with women where instead of actively pursuing (e.g., asking for a number, asking them out, etc.), I just say 'nice to meet you' and leave.
zengirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Every time I go to Vegas, I do not see a blur of beauty. Plenty of short skirts in some places, yeah, and I don't know how bad D.C. is, but I've not thought of it as a "beautiful" city (I agree that cities like LA and Miami are---I grew up near Miami; Vegas is a shallow city in its own tawdry way, but unlike the other two, you won't exactly find models there). At any rate, Hokie, it sounds like you don't like the girl you're dating. So. . . stop dating her. Seriously. As far as how to deal with beautiful girls---well, they're just people. It sounds as though you have a huge fear of rejection that feeds some social anxiety, and that's probably a big part of the dating woes. As far as 'how' to get over it---everyone takes a different path, so hard to say. I had a lot of social anxiety and a huge fear of failure when I was younger, and my 'treatment' (there is no cure; it still requires treating) was Zen. To each their own. 1
veggirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I agree Vegas doesn't seem like the hotbed of beautiful women to me either. There are pretty girls EVERYWHERE. Vegas has too much of a trashy feel to it, can't tell between the hookers and the sorority sisters. Anyway, do men really have this issue? SO tempted by beautiful girls? I see a hot man and I'm like "wow he's hot" and that's it. It's a fleeting thought. It has never impacted my feelings for my BF or made me question a relationship.
Ranchero44 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I agree Vegas doesn't seem like the hotbed of beautiful women to me either. There are pretty girls EVERYWHERE. Vegas has too much of a trashy feel to it, can't tell between the hookers and the sorority sisters. Anyway, do men really have this issue? SO tempted by beautiful girls? I see a hot man and I'm like "wow he's hot" and that's it. It's a fleeting thought. It has never impacted my feelings for my BF or made me question a relationship. I just think men and women are fundamentally wired differently. Nobody's fault; not good or bad . . . . just wired COMPLETELY differently. I am the same way. I notice attractive men but it doesn't make me question my relationship (if I'm in one). But I think men are biologically programmed to react to an attractive woman differently than a woman would react to an attractive man. Not sure, just my opinion.
zengirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I think a woman in a relationship like Hokie's, where she's not sure if she even really likes her partner or just likes that he likes her, might feel the same about a bunch of hot guys, particularly if she thought they might actually go out with her. I don't know if this is a male/female thing, though more men might notice hot women, in terms of "can't resist temptation" so much as a "My partner isn't really tempting at all," thing.
veggirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I just think men and women are fundamentally wired differently. Nobody's fault; not good or bad . . . . just wired COMPLETELY differently. I am the same way. I notice attractive men but it doesn't make me question my relationship (if I'm in one). But I think men are biologically programmed to react to an attractive woman differently than a woman would react to an attractive man. Not sure, just my opinion. Yeah, I don't buy all that biological crap about men and beautiful girls. Programmed to what? Try to fk her? I think Zen hit the nail on the head, if you aren't happy/attracted to your current partner, then yes it all is very tempting, but if you are happy/attracted, you may notice but quickly move on.
Ranchero44 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Yeah, I don't buy all that biological crap about men and beautiful girls. Programmed to what? Try to fk her? Maybe. It's an inconvenient truth, but I don't think that's outside the realm of possibility. I didn't say men are programmed like zombies to jump her bones indiscriminately and without any thought; there are many good men out there who might THINK about it but don't act on it. In fact, maybe most men think about it but never act on it. But the hard-wiring is still different. An ex of mine once told me that one of the biggest things that he fantasizes about is random attractive women he sees out and about during the day. I never do that!!! I am a woman, and I don't sit there and imagine having sex with random guys I encounter during the day. I'm just not wired that way. There's nothing "sick" about it. It's just the biological/evolutionary pattern that emerges again and again.
xxoo Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Most people eventually meet someone who they feel so great around, and who is so exciting to them, that others look dull in comparison. At least for the honeymoon period, that it.
AD1980 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Its tough women dont realize the male sex drive I try to go to vegas once a year and the eye candy is stellar and when you're drunk and horny its quite a powerful visual
veggirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Maybe. It's an inconvenient truth, but I don't think that's outside the realm of possibility. I didn't say men are programmed like zombies to jump her bones indiscriminately and without any thought; there are many good men out there who might THINK about it but don't act on it. In fact, maybe most men think about it but never act on it. But the hard-wiring is still different. An ex of mine once told me that one of the biggest things that he fantasizes about is random attractive women he sees out and about during the day. I never do that!!! I am a woman, and I don't sit there and imagine having sex with random guys I encounter during the day. I'm just not wired that way. There's nothing "sick" about it. It's just the biological/evolutionary pattern that emerges again and again. I don't think it's an inconvenient truth at all. In fact I think it's a very CONVENIENT 'truth'. "My man can't HELP but check out every girl in a skirt. It's BIOLOGY." Nah that wouldn't fly with me, and the only BF I've ever had that I noticed doing all of that, was a grade A douche in general.
AD1980 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's not hard to score in Vegas, for ANYONE. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, in more ways than one... Just because you score in Vegas, doesn't mean that translates to your ability to score back home. You're sounding like a classic GIGS guy. I dont buy that its like anywehre else where theyres a party vibe and people are drinking and having a good time The girls whoring it up in vegas proably whore it up at home i doubt innocent nice girls are doing the same just because theyre in vegas..
AD1980 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Trust me; I am VERY aware of it. Hence my decision to be singe forever. Just because its a powerful doesnt mean all men act on it..Most dont if theyre in a loving relationship
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 It's ok; would rather be alone anyways. Not worth the hassle. Do you mind my asking … why are you on LoveShack if you hate love and relationships so much? 1
only_quotes_jerks Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 i like to read forums; i work from home so i need entertainment. I like to read while i am eating; i eat in front of my pc. It's entertaining; it's better watching tv. I also like to read about the drama on the cheating/marriage forum; it's a soap opera. Most of all i like to voice my opinion because i'm opinionated. Even if i hate love i still have an opinion about everything; fashion, weight loss but relationships too. This forum is about a lot more than just relationships. I also like to argue and debate; arguing and debating on forums is my #1 hobby and activity/pastime. I post on many forums, not just ls and i love to argue and debate; i live for it. It is my #1 hobby in life; arguing on net forums with strangers.
Negative Nancy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 those gorgeous girls do you think of your gf as "gorgeous" too? or does she know that she is just "average" in your eyes and that you'd rather be with the gorgeous girls if they had your girlfriend's character and career
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 I think a woman in a relationship like Hokie's, where she's not sure if she even really likes her partner or just likes that he likes her, might feel the same about a bunch of hot guys, particularly if she thought they might actually go out with her. I don't know if this is a male/female thing, though more men might notice hot women, in terms of "can't resist temptation" so much as a "My partner isn't really tempting at all," thing. It is definitely not about f*cking every hot girl that walks down the street...hardly that at all...I'd much rather have sex with someone I really like and connect with, such as the women I'm seeing now...the sex is amazing...and it's not that I don't like her...it's just that circumstances make her a less than ideal girlfriend...great personality and I think she's attractive (for her age...heh)...but I feel like i'm tolerating the issues because she's so into me and I don't really feel like I have other options...so when I go out to a place like Vegas (or really anywhere else) and see these women, some of which actually respond positively to me, I wonder if maybe I actually DO have options...if only i tried...
zengirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 It is definitely not about f*cking every hot girl that walks down the street...hardly that at all...I'd much rather have sex with someone I really like and connect with, such as the women I'm seeing now...the sex is amazing...and it's not that I don't like her...it's just that circumstances make her a less than ideal girlfriend...great personality and I think she's attractive (for her age...heh)...but I feel like i'm tolerating the issues because she's so into me and I don't really feel like I have other options...so when I go out to a place like Vegas (or really anywhere else) and see these women, some of which actually respond positively to me, I wonder if maybe I actually DO have options...if only i tried... Right, you don't really like her. That's what I said. There is no, "Well, I like her, but could I do better?" That means. . . the relationship is not working. When a relationship is working, just seeing some random hot girls doesn't make you think you could 'do better' and you don't make posts about 'how to know if I only like someone because she likes me (and the girls I actually like never go out with me)'
Negative Nancy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Yes. You underestimate men; most will think about fk'ing ANY attractive woman that passes their sight and will think about her later when jerking off. Yes, men are tempted to fk most attractive women who cross their way and many will do it if they get away with it. The temptation is STRONG. I guarantee you that the majority of men are wired that way and if you don't understand that then you don't understand men. Even the NICEST, most intelligent and respectable of men are like this; no one is immune. this is the truth. that's why relationships aren't worth it, men don't appreciate it anyways and i bet many men have the same thoughts as hokie and would cheat in a heartbeat if one of those hotties offered themselves to them. Trust me; I am VERY aware of it. Hence my decision to be singe forever. it's probably a smart decision in the long run. no break-up or divorce or cheating or being dumped for another woman.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I love to argue and debate; I live for it. It is my #1 hobby in life; arguing on net forums with strangers. I find this troubling ...
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 only_quotes_jerks, your services are sorely needed in danny's threads …
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Right, you don't really like her. That's what I said. There is no, "Well, I like her, but could I do better?" That means. . . the relationship is not working. When a relationship is working, just seeing some random hot girls doesn't make you think you could 'do better' and you don't make posts about 'how to know if I only like someone because she likes me (and the girls I actually like never go out with me)' Well, that's usually the case...I just am not into the girl...but for this one, it's a matter of 1500 miles and 18 years between us...if you closed those gaps, I'd think I'd found the one...or if I legitimately thought I could find someone who offer what I needed, I'd probably let her go more easily...
zengirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Well, that's usually the case...I just am not into the girl...but for this one, it's a matter of 1500 miles and 18 years between us...if you closed those gaps, I'd think I'd found the one...or if I legitimately thought I could find someone who offer what I needed, I'd probably let her go more easily... Well, you can't change her age. You could maybe change where she or you live (I don't know if you can, since you're military) so that is an actual variable. If that is changeable at some point with time AND you lived in the same city, would the relationship be what you actually wanted/needed in a partner? If it is not changeable or if the answer is no. . . then you don't really like her. I get that LD is hard and I think most relationships are impossible to retain over continued distance for too long (depends on the people how long is too long). But her age is never going to change and "No one better wants me" is a stupid reason to continue a relationship IMO.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Well, you can't change her age. You could maybe change where she or you live (I don't know if you can, since you're military) so that is an actual variable. If that is changeable at some point with time AND you lived in the same city, would the relationship be what you actually wanted/needed in a partner? If it is not changeable or if the answer is no. . . then you don't really like her. I get that LD is hard and I think most relationships are impossible to retain over continued distance for too long (depends on the people how long is too long). I know I can't change her age...or the fact that she's done with the kid-having part of her life...or the fact that she's probably not looking to remarry...or do anything in life again that I have yet to do...but she and I have discussed closing the distance and she moving here in a year and a half (if it continues that long) after I get back from deployment...but I do like this one...at least only seeing her once a month...which isn't enough to know both the good AND bad... ...and "No one better wants me" is a stupid reason to continue a relationship IMO. I know...but welcome to my world...
Sanman Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 do you think of your gf as "gorgeous" too? or does she know that she is just "average" in your eyes Oh lord, we really have to do this again Nancy. I think my gf is objectively 'cute' and beautiful inside and out. That does not change the fact that there are objectively other better looking women. Just like there are better looking men than I. Do you really think that I feel that she find me more attractive than *insert move star here*? No, but he is not going to take care of her when she feels sick and trade jokes with her while cuddling on the couch. That is what I do. and that you'd rather be with the gorgeous girls if they had your girlfriend's character and career Said another way, does my gf know that I find her attractive and love many things about her, but would not mind if she lost a little weight and toned up? Yes. I also know that she would not mind is I lost a few pounds and got the six-abs and great lean muscular physique I had in college back. We have been training for some 10ks and half-marathons that we plan to run together. See, in a healthy couple you accept that no one is 100% perfect and mutually support each other in bettering themselves (physically, career-wise, etc). If we all sat there waiting for someone to think that we were completely perfect and no one else compared, no one would ever get together. 1
Woggle Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I went to Vegas with my wife and I mostly drove around looking at all the sites and trying the buffets. The only time I really really let the animal out was Montreal and I was single then. It was two weeks after my divorce was official.
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