This Stupid Girl

[kwayne]

Last night was this girl K's birthday. She is my bf's friend's wife but I really like her and we've become pretty close. My bf and I have been together for 11 months and last year, for K's birthday, he made out with this girl, B. I knew about it when it happened and he actually told me about it that night and I had made out with a guy too but he ended up coming to my house that night after the club a year ago and we've been inseparable ever since. Therefore, I can't blame B for not liking me.

 

When B first found out that my bf and I started dating, she seemed really sweet and understanding and I told him how much I liked her (because she seemed okay about it and wasn't going to be bitter towards him or me)

 

When I officially met B a couple months ago, she was very offensive and rude without me even getting the words 'nice to meet you' out of my mouth.

 

I'm not one for confrontations and am always sweet to everyone until they do something horribly wrong. I felt terrible but all of my bf's friends were very much on my side and got mad at her (some even stopped talking to her for awhile) Although I really appreciate that, I feel like that only made her dislike me even more.

 

Now to last night, we went out for K's birthday and things have gotten better between B and everyone so of course she was invited. Neither my bf nor I knew this until she texted him when we were on our way to K's house asking where he was. I'm not sure if she knew I was invited or not but she was the most dressed up one and the birthday girl, K, changed to something more risky because of her outfit lol

 

We all started pregaming while waiting for the limo to come, my bf is gross and always takes alcohol straight and got very drunk very quickly. I'm very social and so is he so I'm talking to a couple different people and he's talking to B, which didn't bother me until I finally notice that she kept saying "your girl" very loudly but everything else she said I couldn't hear. I ignored it because I didn't want another bad scene especially on K's birthday. When we all piled into the limo, my bf sat next to me and even tho we were all changing seats to take pictures, he still found his way next to me. K wanted just a picture of her nd me so I moved next to her and as soon as I did this, B gets up and sits next to my bf (btw it was an unnecessary move, she wasn't the closest to moving there and really didn't need to). After pictures with K, I didn't ask for my seat back but she had the nerve to ask him when we're almost there if he wants to sit next to "his girl" about 5 times in a row (again very loudly). This time, I just rolled my eyes and imagined a very strong drink lol we get to the restaurant and my bf sits next to me but she sits diagonal to him (away from me) she keeps asking him things and I'm fine with everyone socializing but it seemed a bit much.

 

Then K and my bf are talking and he's still very drunk and is telling her how we would have sex about 3 times a day (which is true but he forgot to mention that that was after we became official) and my bf's friends all know about our sex life because of scratches and such lol and it sounds awful but I felt so good that B was hearing all of this because for once the entire night, she had nothing to say.

 

After dinner, we went to a club and things we're going great. B wasn't being rude, wasn't trying to stick onto my bf and everyone was having a great time. Then when my bf was getting a drink from the bar, a random guy tried to dance with me but I was nice and just told him "I'm sorry I'm here with my bf" and he walked away (completely innocent) and as soon as my bf came back, B told him I was flirting and dancing with another guy. My bf asked me about it and I told him the truth, my bf believed me, kissed me nd then we started dancing together. B stops us from dancing and starts complaining to him about how he doesn't trust her and then K's husband (who loves me) asks what's going on and I just tell him to ask B and that I'm going to get a drink.

 

Idk what happened with those 3, but then K got sick and me, K and the other girl that was with us all went to the bathroom. B follows us about 10 minutes behind, asks what happened and then says she's going to get the guys and the limo and we'll leave. After awhile K feels better and we head to the limo. As we're walking outside I see some friends but I'm half holding K so I didn't say hi. As soon as K is in the limo, my bf and I go to say hi to my friends and B runs after us yelling his name asking "where are you going" my bf turns around and at this point I'm fed up with her so I turn around to see what he's going to do and he just tells her "go to the car, I'm fine" for me, that wasn't enough but I'm not one to start fights.

 

After we arrive back to K's house, we all say good night to everyone. Until 7:30 this morning, I was taking care of my sick bf who drank way too much. As he was sick, I told him how upset I was and everything I was feeling and even started to cry, I knew he wasn't really listening and it wasn't like he was responding but I thought it would make me feel better.. but it didn't.

 

Should I have this conversation with him again or it's nothing that is too serious to make a big deal about? btw, this may be gross, but I'm extra emotional this week (if you catch my drift) so I may just be overreacting/ over feeling. And my bf doesnt remember much.

[jesslm_x0]

Maybe bring it up when he's feeling better.

Honestly, though, the next time you are out with a group or the next time you see B talking to your boyfriend, try to listen in. The second you hear "Your girl.." ask her what her problem is. Girl sounds annoying as hell and needs to realize that you're not going to tolerate her childish behavior. Don't cuss her out or try to fight her, but be firm. Just say that you felt uncomfortable with her behavior at K's party, etc. There's not much your boyfriend can do about it, because she's obviously friends with the whole group, not just him.

[NoMagicBullet]

Of course B is jealous -- your BF made out with her, then turned around and started dating you. She's not handling it very well, but under the circumstances, most women wouldn't. If she had more self respect, she'd realize that your BF is no prize if he does stuff like that and give him the cold shoulder. Unfortunately, she seems to think there's hope that you two will break up and she's happy to help that along. Hmm... there really should be more distance between them at this stage. Could your BF still be too friendly with her, even out of guilt, and thus she still has false hope?

 

Of course you are upset about her behavior, but there isn't much you can do about it. It's really up to your BF to make it clear to B that you two are together and that he won't tolerate her acting like that. When your BF is sober and you are calmer, have a discussion not just about last night but about this ongoing situation with B and how he intends to deal with it. He started this mess, after all. He has to be the one to finish it.

[kwayne]

@jesslm_x0 thanks you made me feel better and to view it differently

 

 

@nomagicbullet please don't make my bf out to be such a bad guy. He was completely single when they made out. Here's the thing, they don't EVER talk.. not even on fb statuses or anything. When she texted him last night, it was really random. I definitely won't ever tell him who he can and cannot talk to but I know everyone he talks to and I can't even recall the last time they talked.

 

I'll talk to him tomorrow and see how that goes. Thank you both

[NoMagicBullet]

@nomagicbullet please don't make my bf out to be such a bad guy. He was completely single when they made out. Here's the thing, they don't EVER talk.. not even on fb statuses or anything. When she texted him last night, it was really random. I definitely won't ever tell him who he can and cannot talk to but I know everyone he talks to and I can't even recall the last time they talked.

 

Single has nothing to do with it. From your original post:

 

Last night was this girl K's birthday. She is my bf's friend's wife but I really like her and we've become pretty close. My bf and I have been together for 11 months and last year, for K's birthday, he made out with this girl, B. I knew about it when it happened and he actually told me about it that night and I had made out with a guy too but he ended up coming to my house that night after the club a year ago and we've been inseparable ever since. Therefore, I can't blame B for not liking me.

 

I know you don't like my assessment of your boyfriend, but a guy who makes out with one girl and starts dating another in the same night just doesn't sound like relationship material to me. Not a good way to start a relationship, in my opinion. And maybe that's why you have an issue with B. But hey, it's just my opinion.

 

When B first found out that my bf and I started dating, she seemed really sweet and understanding and I told him how much I liked her (because she seemed okay about it and wasn't going to be bitter towards him or me)

 

When I officially met B a couple months ago, she was very offensive and rude without me even getting the words 'nice to meet you' out of my mouth.

 

From what you wrote, she knew about the two of you before you met her. How do you know she was sweet and nice before you met her and then she was rude when you did? I assumed there was still some contact with her and your BF and that's how you knew. Through other friends? How are you having contact with her without your boyfriend? Has she learned something about you or your relationship that changed her from being sweet to being rude? Are people saying things behind your back to her? I don't need answers to these, but there's something more to this, because it just doesn't make sense.

 

Now to last night, we went out for K's birthday and things have gotten better between B and everyone so of course she was invited. Neither my bf nor I knew this until she texted him when we were on our way to K's house asking where he was. I'm not sure if she knew I was invited or not but she was the most dressed up one and the birthday girl, K, changed to something more risky because of her outfit lol

 

We all started pregaming while waiting for the limo to come, my bf is gross and always takes alcohol straight and got very drunk very quickly. I'm very social and so is he so I'm talking to a couple different people and he's talking to B, which didn't bother me until I finally notice that she kept saying "your girl" very loudly but everything else she said I couldn't hear. I ignored it because I didn't want another bad scene especially on K's birthday. When we all piled into the limo, my bf sat next to me and even tho we were all changing seats to take pictures, he still found his way next to me. K wanted just a picture of her nd me so I moved next to her and as soon as I did this, B gets up and sits next to my bf (btw it was an unnecessary move, she wasn't the closest to moving there and really didn't need to). After pictures with K, I didn't ask for my seat back but she had the nerve to ask him when we're almost there if he wants to sit next to "his girl" about 5 times in a row (again very loudly). This time, I just rolled my eyes and imagined a very strong drink lol we get to the restaurant and my bf sits next to me but she sits diagonal to him (away from me) she keeps asking him things and I'm fine with everyone socializing but it seemed a bit much.

 

This is the only substantial communication they've had since he made out with her a year ago? If so, then you are making a big deal about nothing.

 

Then K and my bf are talking and he's still very drunk and is telling her how we would have sex about 3 times a day (which is true but he forgot to mention that that was after we became official) and my bf's friends all know about our sex life because of scratches and such lol and it sounds awful but I felt so good that B was hearing all of this because for once the entire night, she had nothing to say.

 

You sound really threatened by B if you feel good about this.

 

 

... As soon as K is in the limo, my bf and I go to say hi to my friends and B runs after us yelling his name asking "where are you going" my bf turns around and at this point I'm fed up with her so I turn around to see what he's going to do and he just tells her "go to the car, I'm fine" for me, that wasn't enough but I'm not one to start fights.

 

If the only communication B and your BF have had recently is at this party, then you are overreacting. You included a lot of details about the party, but you didn't make any of the backstory clear, and I assumed there was more of a reason for you to be upset with B and how she acts toward your BF.

 

I can't be certain, but you might be reading more into B's actions than what is really there due to your own jealousy. The only thing that is clear is that you do not like B. I rescind my earlier advice of your BF needing to handle this -- this sounds a lot more like your own problem with B and your feeling threatened by her. Your BF can't do anything about that.

 

I get the feeling that there are other, more important issues with you and your BF than this thing with B, otherwise I don't see why the events you described at this one party would bother you so much.

[kwayne]

I appreciate your input, but let me clear some things up..

 

My bf and I didn't start dating the same night he made out with this girl. And I made out with a boy that same night as well. How does being single have nothing to do with it? If he had a commitment to either me or her, then I believe it makes him ****ty but he had no commitment to either of us and I give my bf credit for being honest with me about everything.

 

I heard from mutual friends that she was very sweet and very understanding and compared to his ex girlfriend, she seemed to be a saint. Mutual friends were worried that I was going to be rude to her. After my bf and I became official, she stopped contact with my bf. I never told him he couldn't be friends with her and she was only around when the group of friends would do something(which includes me). My bf and her never once hung out alone or even truly talked outside of hanging with the group before and after him and I became a couple.

 

I do feel threatened by B. She's making me look and feel foolish. I didn't feel any jealousy until this night.

 

When we had met, my bf introduced me and she just started saying things.I believe that she just really couldn't handle actually meeting me yet. But this time, she was very sweet until she started drinking and then I did feel threatened because of the way she was acting.

 

Again, I'm appreciative of your input but please do consider my feelings.

Edited February 29, 2012 by kwayne

[Untouchable_Fire]

Don't sweat it.

 

I think B sees you as kind of a tramp and got the wrong idea in her head when she saw you chatting up another guy. Add alcohol into the mix and bam.... hurt feelings.

 

I would just let this one go. She doesn't know you and she can't take your BF away.

[NoMagicBullet]

I appreciate your input, but let me clear some things up..

 

My bf and I didn't start dating the same night he made out with this girl. And I made out with a boy that same night as well. How does being single have nothing to do with it? If he had a commitment to either me or her, then I believe it makes him ****ty but he had no commitment to either of us and I give my bf credit for being honest with me about everything.

 

I heard from mutual friends that she was very sweet and very understanding and compared to his ex girlfriend, she seemed to be a saint. Mutual friends were worried that I was going to be rude to her. After my bf and I became official, she stopped contact with my bf. I never told him he couldn't be friends with her and she was only around when the group of friends would do something(which includes me). My bf and her never once hung out alone or even truly talked outside of hanging with the group before and after him and I became a couple.

 

I do feel threatened by B. She's making me look and feel foolish. I didn't feel any jealousy until this night.

 

When we had met, my bf introduced me and she just started saying things.I believe that she just really couldn't handle actually meeting me yet. But this time, she was very sweet until she started drinking and then I did feel threatened because of the way she was acting.

 

Again, I'm appreciative of your input but please do consider my feelings.

 

Oh, boy. I think I better warn you that consideration of feelings isn't always a priority here on Loveshack. There are plenty of people here who could be a lot harsher than I if they took the time to respond. This will be my last post on this thread, because it seems to me, we've reached the root of the problem: your oversensitivity to what people say to you and how you perceive them to be treating you.

 

B gets props for voluntarily breaking contact with your BF. She's shown respect for your relationship by doing so, so I doubt she's after your BF after all. We only have your story here, but I have a feeling that this girl B perhaps wasn't as rude as you've said. And if she was, I doubt you are 100% innocent -- the fact that mutual friends were worried about you being rude to her doesn't speak well to your character. Maybe you even get the feeling that these mutual friends think better of her than they do you, so you feel a need to put her down.

 

As these extra bits of info have been added, I now think you've blown her actions at the party out of proportion because you don't like her and you feel insecure around her. She didn't and can't make you look foolish. Only you can do that. If you feel foolish, it is because you are reacting to some sort of insecurity of your own that has little to do with B and everything to do with you.

[CC12]

Should I have this conversation with him again or it's nothing that is too serious to make a big deal about?

 

You're making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and you don't need to have another conversation with your boyfriend about this. You're angry at the behavior of some girl, and he has no say in what she does.

 

And he actually handled her quite well, from what I read. He wasn't being inappropriate with her and he actually seemed to do a good job of ignoring her so I don't know what exactly you're still mad about or what else you expect him to do.

[KathyM]

I think the OP was right to be upset with this woman, who obviously has a thing for the bf. Your bf handled it well, though, and I wouldn't suggest confronting him at all about this. And under no circumstances should she be allowed to be his personal friend. No contact with her is the best course of action, unless you absolutely can't avoid it. If you have to see her at any time in the future, then stick close to your bf, hold his hand, and don't show any signs of irritation towards this woman. She's trying to upset you and trying to come between you. Don't allow her to. Just act with class and be a loving girlfriend. You may want to tell your bf, though, just before you go to an event where this woman will be, to save you a place beside him so that you can sit next to him. (He shouldn't be letting her sit next to him while you are sitting away from him). Your place is at his side, not her. So tell him beforehand to save your place next to him. I empathize with you--there is a woman in my husband's group of friends that has a thing for him, and always manages to get too chummy by grabbing my seat next to my husband whenever I get up to get a drink, and gives him a little "friendly hug" when we leave. She also makes snide remarks to try to put me down in front of the group because she has some jealousy towards me. So I know where you are coming from on this, and it is aggravating. But don't make a big deal of it with your bf. Just make sure he saves you a place next to him the next time she'll be with the group.