stillafool Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Isn't there a dating site for people who make a lot of money so people can date others who match their income?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) It's time the tables turn. Unfortunately I can't find men who make more than I do who are single, good looking and NO KIDS. That's why i'm so adamant about not lowering my standards anymore. I've done that, and it didn't work. Hence the username. I'm happier now that i'm single, but i'm also frustrated that my standards are so high. I either lower them and i'm not entirely happy in a relationship, or i'm happier single but lonely cuz no one is up to par. It's FRUSTRATING. Grrr. What's wrong with a man having kids? You wouldn't date a your soul mate because he has kids? You could potentially be passing on the love of your life or true love because he has a kid. The older you get the harder it will be to find a man without kids. There is no perfect man I hate to tell you that. Have you thought about seeing a counselor to help you with dealing with such high standards? Edited February 27, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
stillafool Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 What's wrong with a man having kids? You wouldn't date a your soul mate because he has kids? You could potentially be passing on the love of your life or true love because he has a kid. The older you get the harder it will be to find a man without kids. Men want women without kids and are very vocal about that. Why shouldn't a women have her preferences no matter what her age?
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Men want women without kids and are very vocal about that. Why shouldn't a women have her preferences no matter what her age? Not me. I dated a girl that had a kid in my early twenties and I didn't have any then. I wouldn't pass on true love simply because a person had a kid and I didn't. That's just nuts IMO.
zengirl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Not me. I dated a girl that had a kid in my early twenties and I didn't have any then. I wouldn't pass on true love simply because a person had a kid and I didn't. That's just nuts IMO. It depends on if you want kids. That's a huge lifestyle difference. I honestly don't always get the people who want/like/are already ready for kids but don't want to date single Moms or Dads either (unless it's a particular kid that's a terror), but there are plenty of people who either don't want kids or don't want them in their lives anytime soon. As valid as any other choice, as long as it isn't hindering you and so forth. "Has kids" was one of my dealbreakers when I was dating. I realize now it's because my preference is to have no kids, ever, though at the time I just thought I wasn't ready. It's not like kids don't matter---they change your whole life!
Carlos S Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I would say in this day and age, your guy wouldn't care all that much. And if he does, that's his fault. Would you be willing to pay for more? I guess if your relationship got to that stage, you wouldn't mind. Especially because you don't spend all that much - which is good because a) you have a truckload of student debt and b) I'm guessing that with a job in NYC post-MBA, it's not going to be most stable job going round.
Imajerk17 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Carrie I am a little confused. I remember posting on your thread a few weeks ago about a guy you went on a date with who waited a week to call after. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/313367-how-long-should-i-wait-before-returning-his-call If the guy is insecure, he might have problems with your high earning. If he is more secure, he won't.
stillafool Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Yeah but she did say that guy was "HOT". A hot guy in NYC may be busy enough that it would take a week for him to respond. Too busy.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) It depends on if you want kids. That's a huge lifestyle difference. I honestly don't always get the people who want/like/are already ready for kids but don't want to date single Moms or Dads either (unless it's a particular kid that's a terror), but there are plenty of people who either don't want kids or don't want them in their lives anytime soon. As valid as any other choice, as long as it isn't hindering you and so forth. "Has kids" was one of my dealbreakers when I was dating. I realize now it's because my preference is to have no kids, ever, though at the time I just thought I wasn't ready. It's not like kids don't matter---they change your whole life! I guess I will never understand why people don't want kids? Didn't you like to have parents when you were a kid? Don't you want to experience that bond you had with your parents and experiece that bond as parents? You were a kid at one point. We all were. A lot of men don't have custody of their kids, so they may see their kids once a week or every other weekend. I guess I could see if the father had the kid all the time, but I don't see that too often. I guess I could understand how hard it would be to date that person. I have my kid every other week, so I have my son for 7 days at a time, and I don't for 7 days at a time. Also, you have to remember kids grow up and move out, so they aren't always going to be there. I'm may be single, but I know my son is always going to be there even when I'm old and gray. In this day and age spouses/lovers come and go. I feel bad for you people that don't have kids cause you may end up alone anyway. Relationships don't seem to last anymore, and spouses die too. People just dont stay married anymore or together likemthey did 100 years ago. As long as I continue to be a good father to my son, I know he will always be there when I need him. Unconditional love is very hard to come by from a spouse/lover. I know my son will always love me as long as I continue to be a good dad. Edited February 27, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
Sanman Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 This is part of my concern. I wouldn't say Nobu, but yeah, I definitely eat out more and take more vacations than I would if I were making his salary (while still being financially responsible and paying off my loans, saving for retirement, etc.). Now, I don't NEED those things. I grew up poor, as did my boyfriend. I've only been doing really well financially for the last few years, and I'm definitely not a snob. Personally, I'm just as content grabbing beer and burgers at the local dive bar as I am paying $100 for dinner for 2 at [insert name of fancy restaurant here]. However, I do end up at some of the fancier places mostly because from hanging out with friends who have more of a taste for the high life than I do. I do go on vacations because, hey, I'm young and don't have any kids, and if I want to see Paris/China/Egypt, now is probably the best time of my life to go for it, right? But I don't stay in 5-star hotels or anything while I'm there. We haven't been dating long enough that this sort of thing has really raised issues so far. I don't usually bring him along if I'm going out with friends, though we're getting to the point where that will probably change. It's also too soon to start talking about joint vacations. But that can't last forever. The thing is, because I really don't do super-pricey stuff all that often (maybe once or twice a month), if I DO want to do it and I want him to go with me, I'm happy to pay for both of us. I'd rather do that than have him not go, or have him go but then have to eat Ramen for a week after the fact. But I have NO IDEA how I would bring something like that up, or even if I should. I don't want to emasculate him, but I also don't want him feeling like he can't "afford" to date me. As for the question of why I think he might mind... I guess I'm used to having guys mind. I went to a good college and good grad school, so even when I wasn't actually making a lot of money, I still had a lot of experience with guys who freaked out on me over some weird perception that I was "doing better" than they were. Whether you want to bring up the cover letter is up to you. I would bring it up before you invite him out to an expensive place. My best suggestion would be to work with him. Guys have slightly different hang ups about this. Giving him cash before or after might help, maybe he just prefers to split expensive meals, maybe he is fine for you paying if he gets to take you out for a more reasonable meal. If he can't handle it at all, that is his problem. I know that I am fine with my gf and I going out to the some really nice places. I pay sometimes and she pays sometimes. Both of us can be short on money at times despite the income differential because of other costs. Can I afford to do this regularly? No, but I would not want to as I find most of those places overrated.
kaylan Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Bf is 25 and I do think he would mind. Not in the 'I'm going to stop going out with her' sense, but in the self-introspective 'I should try and earn more' sense. I dont mind the latter attitude. The latter attitude is him trying to be the best he can be in your eyes. The former attitude is insecure, silly and limiting. My ex double majored in college, and it pushed me to want to do the same thing. She was just so smart and loved to learn, so it lit a fire under my butt to be just like her. She made me want to accomplish more. I rubbed off on her as well. I was a business student with a minor in political science...my dad majored in poly sci in undergrad and is a lawyer now. My ex ended up taking an interest in law and took up some classes. Dunno if she ever went to law school like she said she was considering. Anyways, I think its good when our significant others can motivate us to do more. And it was never because we felt inadequate to the other, but because we wanted to be the best we could be and make the other smile. I don't have much experience with this, but once when I went out with an ex and friends, and I knew he didn't have enough cash at the time (it was an unexpected pricey dinner), I slipped him cash secretly when they weren't looking. Currently, even, if something calls for, say, dollar notes, and the bf only has his card, I'll give them to him and he'll go up and pay. Just a habit of mine. Not saying that you MUST do this, but it's an option. Also, I'm from an Asian culture where it's almost unheard of for a guy not to pay - I think in Caucasian cultures it might be different. Awww thats actually really cute. So considerate. I dunno...whenever a girl is considerate about her cash, it always makes me think about how awesome my ex was during the summer I had no job after sophomore year. Shed take me to lunch and crap and drive me around when my car was acting up. I really appreciate a gal who likes to help out. If a chick I just started seeing even bought me a soda, Id want to plan the biggest kiss on her.
musemaj11 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 When the man has less money in the relationship, he is as insecure as a woman when she is the uglier party in the relationship. Its a fact that financial status is perceived as the highest commodity in a man just as beauty for a woman. Personally if a woman with more money is willing to be with me, I will try to find out the reason why. Though chances are it won't be far from because for whatever cause she cant get someone better so she has to settle.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I wouldn't feel threatened. Porfirio Rubirosa was the ultimate playboy and he dated richer women all the time.
musemaj11 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I wouldn't feel threatened. Porfirio Rubirosa was the ultimate playboy and he dated richer women all the time. But he didnt marry rich women who made their own money. According to my observation, wealthy women whose money came from someone else (inheritance, etc) are a lot less cheap. Probably because they dont feel that they are spending their own money.
zengirl Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I guess I will never understand why people don't want kids? Didn't you like to have parents when you were a kid? Don't you want to experience that bond you had with your parents and experiece that bond as parents? You were a kid at one point. We all were. You know, I LOVE kids. I work in Education. I don't teach anymore, but I still work with children almost every week, some weeks every day when I run intensive camps. Those are my favorite days! But I do love going home and not having any kids there. Liking kids doesn't mean you want to have your own. I was fairly ambivalent about kids, but luckily married a man who doesn't really want them. I think I could've talked myself into kids if I'd fallen in love with one who did, but this is for the best. And I definitely couldn't have lived without having a "no kids" phase with hubby. But then, we like that phase so much, we plan to keep it forever! It's great that you love your son. But I think major lifestyle choices are always going to be dealbreakers for someone, as people want to live different ways.
crosswordfiend Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I have an MBA and one of those job titles like "consultant" or "analyst" that doesn't mean much if you aren't familiar with the industry. He works in something or other having to do with computers that I don't really understand. I really know nothing about his field and had no idea how much jobs like his would pay (though obviously I was aware it would be less than I make). I'm guessing he's more or less in the same position with respect to my job. A bit late to this thread, but it sounds like you are in management consulting or investment banking where 200K out of an MBA is not unheard of. I'm impressed you even have time to date. What's going to happen when you introduce him to your co-workers? It's a very different culture...
Woggle Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 I honestly don't think most men care. They only care if a woman treats you like you are useless because she doesn't need you financially or she looks down on you because she feels you are beneath her.
carhill Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Personally, I honestly don't care. I'm definitely not looking for a man to support me, and as long as a guy lives within his means and is reasonably financially responsible, I don't really care how much he makes.OP, if you truly believe this, balls to bones, and your words and actions globally reflect it, a compatible man will not have any issue with your salary/career differences. We all do different things in life and all are compensated differently. Further, personal philosophy about 'showing' our wealth/career/achievements varies widely, hence 'not everything always is at it seems'. Go with your basic philosophy, outlined in the quote, own it and live it. How the man feels and acts is his responsibility. Walk your path. Good luck.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 If I were to date any woman right now she would be making more money than I do. Even if she was a janitor or at McDonald's. So I don't see how money is that big of a deal.
carhill Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Money is freedom to be who you really are. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Money is freedom to be who you really are. In this country money is slavery to the Federal Reserve.
carhill Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 So, don't earn any, barter and fµck the Federal Reserve and the IRS. Freedom. Choice.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 So, don't earn any, barter and fµck the Federal Reserve and the IRS. Freedom. Choice. Good idea. As long as you don't end up like the Liberty Dollar guy and get thrown in jail.
carhill Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 That, my friend, is what anarchy is about. You can ride the bear, like the OP and her potential dates are doing, or you can risk getting eaten by the bear. Life is about choice. Ben Franklin chose to put ink to his pen. Paul Revere chose to ride. Educated men, both, though in very different disciplines.
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