Earning more than the guy I'm dating

[Soxfaninfl]

You're right. But from a personal standpoint, it's a turnoff. (This excludes extreme circumstances, like he lost his job or something serious has happened in his life where he can't provide. These instances don't count. I mean in general).

 

But who am I to judge. It works for some people.

 

I just think the OP might be bothered by it, because she posted about it and whether or not to confront her significant other. I just want to bring to light that there is nothing wrong with wanting a man who earns more.

I can respect that.

[2sunny]

You're right. But from a personal standpoint, it's a turnoff. (This excludes extreme circumstances, like he lost his job or something serious has happened in his life where he can't provide. These instances don't count. I mean in general).

 

But who am I to judge. It works for some people.

 

I just think the OP might be bothered by it, because she posted about it and whether or not to confront her significant other. I just want to bring to light that there is nothing wrong with wanting a man who earns more.

 

Certainly not if you are looking at money as the priority over the man.

 

If you do - then it cold be any man right?... As long as that a hole makes a ton of money! But like you said - who's judging?

[kaylan]

It is not just about insecurity, but about lifestyle as well. If he is making 1/3 of your income, I am guessing you guys live in different areas of the city. Are you the type to eat at Nobu, Tao, etc regularly or are you more low key? Do you like to take nice vacations? This guy is not going to be able to afford those types of things on his salary. I know a couple who struggled with these things and it became a serious issue in their relationship. However, if you are the type that keeps a more low key lifestyle, it may not matter at all. My gf makes significantly more than I do as I am still on fellowship and she is settled in her career and it really is not a problem as we are both more low key.

If you look at OPs responses already, youll see that she said shes paying off loans at the moment. So they arent living expensively.

The only way to find out is to ask him. Tell him he accidentally sent you his cover letter and you noticed he makes far less.

 

Then again, there's no point in bringing it up if it hasn't really been an issue in your relationship. Your mentioning it might make him insecure about it, and he might wonder if it really affects you since you want to talk about it.

 

Personally, I couldn't date a man who makes less. I want my man to excel and exceed in things that I can't. To me, that's what makes him manly and strong.

 

I want him to be capable of things that i'm not.

 

Otherwise, what can he offer me that I can't offer myself?

Oh jeez:rolleyes:

 

If hes able to take care of himself, why does it matter if he makes 1 dollar or a 10,000 dollar less than you?

 

Thank god I grew up in the generation that I did.

Edited February 27, 2012 by kaylan

[2sunny]

The only way to find out is to ask him. Tell him he accidentally sent you his cover letter and you noticed he makes far less.

 

Then again, there's no point in bringing it up if it hasn't really been an issue in your relationship. Your mentioning it might make him insecure about it, and he might wonder if it really affects you since you want to talk about it.

 

Personally, I couldn't date a man who makes less. I want my man to excel and exceed in things that I can't. To me, that's what makes him manly and strong.

 

I want him to be capable of things that i'm not.

 

Otherwise, what can he offer me that I can't offer myself?

 

Sheez, how about love, companionship and a kind man. Since your basis is about his earnings - why would he consider you if you're all about his money?

 

He also has a penis - something a woman doesn't have! Ever think of that?

[Soxfaninfl]

sheez, how about love, companionship and a kind man. Since your basis is about his earnings - why would he consider you if you're all about his money?

 

He also has a penis - something a woman doesn't have! Ever think of that?

 

roflmfao!!!

[kaylan]

You're right. But from a personal standpoint, it's a turnoff. (This excludes extreme circumstances, like he lost his job or something serious has happened in his life where he can't provide. These instances don't count. I mean in general).

 

But who am I to judge. It works for some people.

 

I just think the OP might be bothered by it, because she posted about it and whether or not to confront her significant other. I just want to bring to light that there is nothing wrong with wanting a man who earns more.

But the OP specifically said she didnt care about his money. She was worried that he would care that she made more.

I don't think it would bother the men as much as it would the woman.

 

Men could use the help, and there is less pressure on them to be the provider. However, most women want a provider and a man who makes more is a turn on.

You sure about that? I think its more that the girl is thinking about what the guy can do for her financially. Not that its a turn on.

 

A recent thread here had a girl staying with her boyfriend who failed to launch, primarily because he turned her on so much. He knew how to rock her world in bed and was very good looking to her. And from what Ive seen and experienced, if you get a girls motor going and do the right things in bed, then money hardly matters. Especially in a day and age where chicks make their own loot.

 

At least, that's my take on it. I know lots of women are into the whole "equality" thing, but I think they take it too literally. As in, men and women are equal, yes. But that doesn't mean the responsibilities have to be absolutely equal.

Gender roles have changed. Women dont stay home all day and not work like in the past. If men and women are equal, then responsibilties should be equal. You cant have your cake and eat it to. Times have changed.

The equality rests in the fact that each partner takes on responsibilities they are capable of and willing to do. Both bring to the table what they are good at, therefore both make the relationship work.

 

Equality doesn't mean "you pay half the rent, I pay half the rent. You cook half the meal, I cook half the meal".

Equality doesnt mean all that? Where have you been? Most women I know went to school so they could get jobs and make their own money. Now that women are working, they dont want to have to cook and clean without help...and I dont expect a chick do my share of the cooking and cleaning. Ill gladly do half.

 

And why shouldnt someone pay half of the rent? Thats only fair. She has a job...I have a job...we both pay the same rent. Simple. With the exception of physical tasks that require a mans strength, women are just as capable of doing anything a man can, and they should be responsible enough to pull their weight. Many have no problem doing so nowadays.

Women want to be spoiled, and to many that equates to money (for myself too to a certain extent). So obviously a man won't have a problem, it means he doesn't have to work as hard.

Everyone would like to be spoiled. But chicks I know want to be independent and take care of themselves. Thats the smart thing to do. Go to school, get a good job, and have your own money.

 

Its silly to simply rely on a man nowadays...because if a breakup or divorce happens...then what?

 

And please tell me how spoiling someone isnt working as hard? Its actually working more hard then I should have too...and most young men do have a problem with this nowadays. Most men despise the princess mentality. They want a chick who pulls her own weight and doesnt expect him to take care of her as if shes a child.

 

Its 2012, not 1950.

 

P.S. - Not for nothing...but I think your attitude about this is partly due to the fact that you dont enjoy physical activities with men so much. Im being serious, this isnt a shot at you. Because like I said earlier...Ive seen women date all different kinds of men, and the thing that was constant amongst these guys was that they got her heart and motor going. They knew how to emotionally connect with her and definitely knew how to physically connect with her as well.

 

When a guy does this, a chick is gonna want him.

Edited February 27, 2012 by kaylan

[FrustratedStandards]

It makes sense. If a guy rocks your world, then money doesn't matter AS MUCH, but it still matters.

 

And just because a woman is independent doesn't mean she doesn't want to be spoiled. She should have to pull her own weight, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want a gift every now and then. It's nice. There is not one woman in this world who would say "I don't want to be spoiled by my man". That doesn't necessarily mean money, no. But in my case, it does.

 

I have spent hundreds, even thousands, of dollars on my exes buying them nice things, or using the money to renovate their entire place when they're on vacation because it's falling apart and they hate it, or buying them a plane ticket to go see their brother half-way across the world because it's been a while and they miss each other. I always did the spoiling because my bf's were too poor to afford many things. Well now it's my turn to be spoiled.

 

I know what your'e gonna say. "Not everyone can afford that". And it's true. Half my exes were too poor to buy me a bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. And that's why I want a man who makes more than I do. I want to be spoiled, yes. And unfortunately, in this day and age, you need money to do that (with the exception of cooking a good meal, and even then you need money if you want the best ingredients). I can do everything myself. Now I want a man to offer me what I can't offer myself.

Edited February 27, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[2sunny]

It makes sense. If a guy rocks your world, then money doesn't matter AS MUCH, but it still matters.

 

And just because a woman is independent doesn't mean she doesn't want to be spoiled. She should have to pull her own weight, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want a gift every now and then. It's nice. There is not one woman in this world who would say "I don't want to be spoiled by my man". That doesn't necessarily mean money, no. But in my case, it does.

 

I have spent hundreds, even thousands, of dollars on my exes buying them nice things, or using the money to renovate their entire place when they're on vacation because it's falling apart and they hate it, or buying them a plane ticket to go see their brother half-way across the world because it's been a while and they miss each other. I always did the spoiling because my bf's were too poor to afford many things. Well now it's my turn to be spoiled.

 

I know what your'e gonna say. "Not everyone can afford that". And it's true. Half my exes were too poor to buy me a bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. And that's why I want a man who makes more than I do. I want to be spoiled, yes. And unfortunately, in this day and age, you need money to do that (with the exception of cooking a good meal, and even then you need money if you want the best ingredients). I can do everything myself. Now I want a man to offer me what I can't offer myself.

 

You are shooting your own theory. You spent all that money on hem and they are your exes. Seems buying live doesn't work now - does it?

[FrustratedStandards]

If someone can't afford something they really want, and you can, isn't it a nice gesture to give it to them?

 

I have never had problems with feeling "unloved" or "unwanted" in relationships. If you know me at all, you know I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior for a second. The relationships I have had have been meaningful. It just feels good to give someone something that they really want. It's nice to be the person who offers them that, and to make them happy.

 

But i'm sick of it now. It's time the tables turn. Unfortunately I can't find men who make more than I do who are single, good looking and NO KIDS. That's why i'm so adamant about not lowering my standards anymore. I've done that, and it didn't work. Hence the username.

 

I'm happier now that i'm single, but i'm also frustrated that my standards are so high. I either lower them and i'm not entirely happy in a relationship, or i'm happier single but lonely cuz no one is up to par. It's FRUSTRATING. Grrr.

Edited February 27, 2012 by FrustratedStandards

[2sunny]

If someone can't afford something they really want, and you can, isn't it a nice gesture to give it to them?

 

I have never had problems with feeling "unloved" or "unwanted" in relationships. If you know me at all, you know I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior for a second. The relationships I have had have been meaningful. It just feels good to give someone something that they really want. It's nice to be the person who offers them that, and to make them happy.

 

But i'm sick of it now. It's time the tables turn. Unfortunately I can't find men who make more than I do who are single, good looking and NO KIDS. That's why i'm so adamant about not lowering my standards anymore. I've done that, and it didn't work. Hence the username.

 

I'm happier now that i'm single, but i'm also frustrated that my standards are so high. I either lower them and i'm not entirely happy in a relationship, or i'm happier single but lonely cuz no one is up to par. It's FRUSTRATING. Grrr.

 

If you take money out of it - and not expect someone to "buy you" things - it may be easier to see what they have to offer you.

 

A man could bring me a gum ball ring or flowers from his yard - and I would be happier with that thoughtfulness more than all the $5000.00 pieces of jewelry I've gotten over the years from men. The thought is nicer than the money spent.

[FrustratedStandards]

If you take money out of it - and not expect someone to "buy you" things - it may be easier to see what they have to offer you.

 

A man could bring me a gum ball ring or flowers from his yard - and I would be happier with that thoughtfulness more than all the $5000.00 pieces of jewelry I've gotten over the years from men. The thought is nicer than the money spent.

 

I have gotten sentimental gifts but they don't last long. So I have nothing to remember them by. Flowers die, gum balls will rot, hallmark cards will get lost, you will sh*t out your dinner.

 

How about a jacket that I need to stay warm in the winter, but I can't afford it? Or how about offering to pay for my plane ticket because it would help me out? Maybe even buying me that frying pan I need so bad because the one I have keeps giving all the food I make a bad taste.

 

It's not about the money ITSELF, and I get why people are getting the wrong idea. I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm tired of being the one who always spoils the guy. I want a guy who can AFFORD to spoil me for once.

 

I'm not a princess, but for f*cks sake a gift every now and then would really be nice. I don't want diamond rings, but at least something that isn't plastic and won't give me blisters.

[FrustratedStandards]

Back to the OP (sorry for leading your post astray), why do you think your SO would be uncomfortable with the discrepancy in how much you guys make?

 

I think the fact that you are worried about his reaction means he would be uncomfortable that you make more. Why do you think this is?

[kaylan]

It makes sense. If a guy rocks your world, then money doesn't matter AS MUCH, but it still matters.

You wouldnt know how much such a connection matters because you havent experience it yourself.

 

I dont think many women would trade up a great emotional and physical connection for being spoiled with monetary things.

 

And just because a woman is independent doesn't mean she doesn't want to be spoiled. She should have to pull her own weight, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want a gift every now and then. It's nice. There is not one woman in this world who would say "I don't want to be spoiled by my man". That doesn't necessarily mean money, no. But in my case, it does.

You are from a different generation. I mean for me at least, the chicks I am usually around are not looking to be spoiled. They wanna actually be taken seriously.

 

But lets be real. Dont you think everyone would like to be spoiled if they could be? However, I want someone to take me seriously and I like knowing I can take care of myself. A lot of women like taking care of themselves as well...and dudes resent chicks who want to be spoiled nowadays. A lot of girls know this. A self serving princess attitude is not attractive.

 

Btw, a gift every now and then doesnt equal being spoiled. Also, woman get dudes gifts too. When a guy hears that a women wants to be spoiled, he thinks that she expects a man to pay for frequent nights out, buy flowers and gifts, and take her on vacations without her ever paying a dime. Smart dudes arent lining up to date a chick who says she wants to be spoiled. A lot of dudes will walk the other way.

I have spent hundreds, even thousands, of dollars on my exes buying them nice things, or using the money to renovate their entire place when they're on vacation because it's falling apart and they hate it, or buying them a plane ticket to go see their brother half-way across the world because it's been a while and they miss each other. I always did the spoiling because my bf's were too poor to afford many things. Well now it's my turn to be spoiled.

So why didnt you say this in the beginning. Instead of trying to generalize women based on your own wants...simply say you want to be spoiled as payback for all the spoiling you did on men in the past.

 

I know what your'e gonna say. "Not everyone can afford that". And it's true. Half my exes were too poor to buy me a bouquet of roses on Valentine's Day. And that's why I want a man who makes more than I do. I want to be spoiled, yes. And unfortunately, in this day and age, you need money to do that (with the exception of cooking a good meal, and even then you need money if you want the best ingredients). I can do everything myself. Now I want a man to offer me what I can't offer myself.

It hardly has anything to do with affording things in my mind...it has more to do with the unattractive attitude of wanting to be spoiled. If I knew a chick expected that of me, Id bail right away. Im more than my financial capabilities.

 

Is a bouquet of roses mandatory? Theres loads of girls out there whod love it if a guy made them a home made card and put one rose in it. The kind of card that has all his true feelings written down inside. But Im guessing a real emotional connection doesnt matter as much as material things and being spoiled huh?

 

Also, cooking a good meal is not expensive either...so calm down lol. A man doesnt need loads of money to show a woman a good time and to let her know shes cared for.

[kaylan]

Back to the OP (sorry for leading your post astray), why do you think your SO would be uncomfortable with the discrepancy in how much you guys make?

 

I think the fact that you are worried about his reaction means he would be uncomfortable that you make more. Why do you think this is?

It doesnt mean he would be bothered by the income difference.

 

I personally think he wont be. Hes been fine dating her so far, and he has to know she makes more given the fact that she has the job title and degree that she does. He might not know how much more she makes, but he should be able to put together that she does.

[2sunny]

I can buy my own jacket! ;-)

 

I want a companion to go for a walk on the beach, do a puzzle or play a few card games. None of those take money. An honest conversation that stimulates my mind is free.

[denise_xo]

Like RS, my experience is also that man can feel a bit intimidated by it, my H was when we first met. He got over it, though. I've been the bread winner for most of our marriage and it's not an issue for me, but at times he has felt 'inadequate' because he wasn't contributing that much financially. In a serious relationship I operate on 'our money', not 'my' money and 'his' money, so practically it didn't make a different for us in terms of what activities we could do etcetera - we just pool money and do whatever is within our means. That's speaking from the POV of a settled relationship, though.

[ja123]

The only way to find out is to ask him. Tell him he accidentally sent you his cover letter and you noticed he makes far less.

 

I wouldn't bring it up at this point in your relationship. If you two start talking about moving in together, then that's another story.

 

Personally, I couldn't date a man who makes less. I want my man to excel and exceed in things that I can't. To me, that's what makes him manly and strong.

 

I want him to be capable of things that i'm not.

 

Otherwise, what can he offer me that I can't offer myself?

 

Whoah, that's a lot of pressure. If I were a man, I'd want you to see that I'm not a couch potato, that I do work hard and manage what may seem to you to be "meagre" finances well. I'd also hope you'd see me as a person, not a knight-in-shining-armour, and that you'd value my smile, my hugs, and my general adoration of you (not to mention my c*ck LOL).

 

If you place a man in such a stringent role, then what kind of role are you supposed to fill in consequence?

[Soxfaninfl]

If someone can't afford something they really want, and you can, isn't it a nice gesture to give it to them?

 

I have never had problems with feeling "unloved" or "unwanted" in relationships. If you know me at all, you know I wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior for a second. The relationships I have had have been meaningful. It just feels good to give someone something that they really want. It's nice to be the person who offers them that, and to make them happy.

 

But i'm sick of it now. It's time the tables turn. Unfortunately I can't find men who make more than I do who are single, good looking and NO KIDS. That's why i'm so adamant about not lowering my standards anymore. I've done that, and it didn't work. Hence the username.

 

I'm happier now that i'm single, but i'm also frustrated that my standards are so high. I either lower them and i'm not entirely happy in a relationship, or i'm happier single but lonely cuz no one is up to par. It's FRUSTRATING. Grrr.

How old are you?

[zengirl]

OP, it depends on a lot of factors, in terms of whether the guy is likely to care and how much. I don't think anyone is under any obligation to disclose how much they make in the dating stages, and he's seen the relative differences already and still wanted you to edit his resume so it doesn't sound like he's worried or feeling emasculated to me. Men who are stressed about feeling emasculated by a woman don't generally ask them for resume help, IMO.

 

I think there are many, many men who are fine with successful women. Ironically, I think there are actually LESS successful women who are fine with dating men who make less than them/are less of a "power player" type than them. (Granted, this could be affected by generational factors too.)

 

Basically. . . I wouldn't worry about it so much. Dating should be fun. I don't think there's anything wrong with the dynamic you've described so far -- switching off who pays. I would say stick to places within his price range but not in an obvious or weird way, but since you do know it, it's polite not to plan to go to overly fancy places, especially if you don't intend to pay. If you do intend to pay, it doesn't sound like it'd bother him---after all, he's no issue trading off with you so far.

 

I don't know the guy, but he's given two really good clues that he isn't super insecure about his finances/success level: He's been fine with you paying for some dates, and he's asked you to edit his resume. Again, insecure men generally won't do those things.

[CarrieInNYC]

It is not just about insecurity, but about lifestyle as well. If he is making 1/3 of your income, I am guessing you guys live in different areas of the city. Are you the type to eat at Nobu, Tao, etc regularly or are you more low key? Do you like to take nice vacations? This guy is not going to be able to afford those types of things on his salary.

This is part of my concern. I wouldn't say Nobu, but yeah, I definitely eat out more and take more vacations than I would if I were making his salary (while still being financially responsible and paying off my loans, saving for retirement, etc.). Now, I don't NEED those things. I grew up poor, as did my boyfriend. I've only been doing really well financially for the last few years, and I'm definitely not a snob. Personally, I'm just as content grabbing beer and burgers at the local dive bar as I am paying $100 for dinner for 2 at [insert name of fancy restaurant here]. However, I do end up at some of the fancier places mostly because from hanging out with friends who have more of a taste for the high life than I do.

 

I do go on vacations because, hey, I'm young and don't have any kids, and if I want to see Paris/China/Egypt, now is probably the best time of my life to go for it, right? But I don't stay in 5-star hotels or anything while I'm there.

 

We haven't been dating long enough that this sort of thing has really raised issues so far. I don't usually bring him along if I'm going out with friends, though we're getting to the point where that will probably change. It's also too soon to start talking about joint vacations. But that can't last forever.

 

The thing is, because I really don't do super-pricey stuff all that often (maybe once or twice a month), if I DO want to do it and I want him to go with me, I'm happy to pay for both of us. I'd rather do that than have him not go, or have him go but then have to eat Ramen for a week after the fact. But I have NO IDEA how I would bring something like that up, or even if I should. I don't want to emasculate him, but I also don't want him feeling like he can't "afford" to date me.

 

As for the question of why I think he might mind... I guess I'm used to having guys mind. I went to a good college and good grad school, so even when I wasn't actually making a lot of money, I still had a lot of experience with guys who freaked out on me over some weird perception that I was "doing better" than they were.

[EasyHeart]

I dream about meeting a woman who makes more than me. I would quit my job and become her professional foot-rubber. Sigh!!

 

I agree that there's probably a very big generational divide on this issue, as there is on most gender issues.

 

I would never feel "intimidated" or "emasculated" by a woman who make more money than I do. I would, however, be cautious because I know how much emphasis WOMEN make on only wanting men who make more money than they do. If she thinks less of me because make less money than she does, why would I want to date her? Or if she's just dating me while she looks for someone richer, why would I want to date her?

 

Another big issue is spending. I make a very good living, but I'm not very materialistic and live well below my means. I've met a lot of women (and men, for that matter, but I only date women), who make much less than me but spend a lot more. I really have no interest in getting into that whole "my house and car are bigger than yours, so I am a better person" thing that so many people seem obsessed with. So I tend to avoid those kind of people, and that rules out a lot of higher income women. I'm not "intimidated" by them, I just don't like them very much.

[zengirl]

The thing is, because I really don't do super-pricey stuff all that often (maybe once or twice a month), if I DO want to do it and I want him to go with me, I'm happy to pay for both of us. I'd rather do that than have him not go, or have him go but then have to eat Ramen for a week after the fact. But I have NO IDEA how I would bring something like that up, or even if I should. I don't want to emasculate him, but I also don't want him feeling like he can't "afford" to date me.

 

I don't think that if you're going to meet up with your friends somewhere fancy and you offer to get dinner for both of you, it will necessarily emasculate him, but it depends on how you do it. If friends are involved, I would do it discreetly. Even great men who don't care about that stuff understand that your friends might care and judge him (even if they don't---I just mean hypothetical people), and that is more likely to be a thing than otherwise. But it may not be. I would suggest not making a big thing about it and just emphasizing that hey it was your choice/your friends, so your treat. If it's once and awhile, it may not be a thing.

 

Honestly, it depends on the guy. I don't think it has to be a thing, and it sounds like you're otherwise on the same page about finances and so forth and have similar backgrounds, so it really does just depend on how much of his ego he puts into money and status. What is his profession, if you don't mind me asking?

 

Another big issue is spending. I make a very good living, but I'm not very materialistic and live well below my means. I've met a lot of women (and men, for that matter, but I only date women), who make much less than me but spend a lot more. I really have no interest in getting into that whole "my house and car are bigger than yours, so I am a better person" thing that so many people seem obsessed with. So I tend to avoid those kind of people, and that rules out a lot of higher income women. I'm not "intimidated" by them, I just don't like them very much.

 

This is a good point, though the OP sounds very down to Earth. Splurging now and again with money you've earned and are happy with is certainly reasonable, and she can still be happy at a good cheapie place too.

[Els]

How old are the men you are dating? Guys my age, in their 20s, havent cared about that..

 

Bf is 25 and I do think he would mind. Not in the 'I'm going to stop going out with her' sense, but in the self-introspective 'I should try and earn more' sense.

[Els]

The thing is, because I really don't do super-pricey stuff all that often (maybe once or twice a month), if I DO want to do it and I want him to go with me, I'm happy to pay for both of us. I'd rather do that than have him not go, or have him go but then have to eat Ramen for a week after the fact. But I have NO IDEA how I would bring something like that up, or even if I should. I don't want to emasculate him, but I also don't want him feeling like he can't "afford" to date me.

 

I don't have much experience with this, but once when I went out with an ex and friends, and I knew he didn't have enough cash at the time (it was an unexpected pricey dinner), I slipped him cash secretly when they weren't looking. Currently, even, if something calls for, say, dollar notes, and the bf only has his card, I'll give them to him and he'll go up and pay. Just a habit of mine. Not saying that you MUST do this, but it's an option. Also, I'm from an Asian culture where it's almost unheard of for a guy not to pay - I think in Caucasian cultures it might be different.

[zengirl]

I don't have much experience with this, but once when I went out with an ex and friends, and I knew he didn't have enough cash at the time (it was an unexpected pricey dinner), I slipped him cash secretly when they weren't looking. Currently, even, if something calls for, say, dollar notes, and the bf only has his card, I'll give them to him and he'll go up and pay. Just a habit of mine. Not saying that you MUST do this, but it's an option. Also, I'm from an Asian culture where it's almost unheard of for a guy not to pay - I think in Caucasian cultures it might be different.

 

It may still be an issue in Western cultures (at least in America--less in other Western countries), but nowhere near like Asian culture. In my Japanese family (the ones who are actually in Japan), the men would more often choose to not date if they didn't have the money to do so. Even the younger ones in many cases. And I find Japan to be one of the more Westernized Asian cultures.