jesslm_x0 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) So I started talking to this guy about 2 months ago after seeing him on my Facebook feed (I had no idea who he was and wanted to find out). Well, our conversation was very funny, flirty, and laid back and we ended up exchanging numbers. Turns out we had hung out a lot whenever we were younger (I was probably 14/15 then), because he was in a band that played locally all the time. That was roughly 7 years ago though, so I didn't even recognize him in his pictures. Anyways, we hit it off immediately and started skyping, talking on the phone, FaceTime'ing, everything. Now, two months later, we still talk all day, every day. It's wonderful! He calls on his lunch break and when he gets off work, we send each other good morning messages, etc. The problem is a couple years ago he moved to a city about 2 hours away. It's not THAT far, but considering he works full time and I'm a full time student, it's been hard to arrange a time to hang out. We came up with a plan that he would stop and see me for a day or two on his way to see his family. His grandparents live down south and he has to drive right by my campus to go see them. Well, first it was going to be the end of January, then he rescheduled to the middle of February, and then he rescheduled to the middle of March. He says it's because of his car, but he's been super passive about getting it looked at. His rescheduling is really no sweat off my back, because he always tells me in advance so I'm able to make plans with my friends or whatever, but it still annoys me. I try to be understanding because it is a long drive and I don't want his car to break down, but I have told him (very nicely) that it does bother me that this is the 3rd time he's had to reschedule. He is always extremely apologetic and is very understanding as to why it irritates me. I have no reason to not believe him about his car. Considering how much effort he puts forth to call me and text me, I have no reason to suspect it's because he's being shady. I can't drive to see him, because I don't have a car where I go to school. I go to a huge D1 university where parking is atrocious and everyone uses public transportation. Plus, I don't see a reason to offer because he told me at the beginning he was going to see his grandparents soon and he has to drive right by here to go visit them. He's also indirectly told me that he's happy seeing where this could go and doesn't have any interest to talk to other girls. With that being said, whenever I go out with my friends we get pretty crazy. So, after he said that I asked him if he trusted me going to the clubs and he said yes, because he trusts I'm not seeing other people. He wasn't being creepy or clingy whenever he said it so I thought it was touching, but at the same time I wanted to snap his head off. Of course I'm open to seeing other people, we haven't even been on an official date yet! I'm not trying date them, but let's say a cute guy hits on me in the club and asks me to dance, I'm certainly not going to say no. I don't feel his passive nature is a deal breaker, but I'm not going to put my love life on hold waiting around to go out with someone who may not come see me for another three months. Any thoughts on the matter? Should I back off until he makes an effort to stick to the plans or should I just continue having fun with it, but hanging out with other people on the side? I really don't want to lose him. He's hilarious, a total sweetheart, and very attractive. I just want him to know that I don't want to wait around forever. I also don't want to lie to him about seeing other people. I have been on a date or two since we've been talking because I assumed he was, too. Now that I know he's not, I'm a bit shaky on what to do? Edited February 27, 2012 by jesslm_x0
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 You're playing this well so far, you shouldn't keep your life on hold for this guy especially without him making more of an effort and rescheduling so often. Yes, he's been responsible about it but since he's not making it a priority to see you or come up with a plan to see you somehow then I wouldn't sit around waiting for that person...it's still a rescheduling which imo you lose points for every time regardless of how you do it even though you better do it right rather than wrong or you get completely cut off. I think with two hours away and the fact that he's just met you isn't putting a fire under his ass then it's probably not going to go over well during the relationship. I mean this should be the time where he is the most excited and anxious to see you and would do whatever he could. You can't worry about losing this guy, you're still in school and got **** to do and this guy is working a full time job two hours away and you really don't know him that well...meeting in person is a huge step even though I'm sure you'll get a long...don't start making that long list of appealing qualities and then base everything you do off of that when you haven't even validated all of it. Even though you'll probably go into a whirlwind once you do meet, which I anticipate this guy will back off from after experiencing that...that seems like his pattern so far to me, he has too much apprehension, which means there is something awry. Keep going on dates, live your life, now is not the time to have it on hold...in fact you'll probably be happier outside of something serious for now than getting yourself wrapped into someone that takes too much of your time and attention...you'll have the rest of your life to be in a boring relationship 1
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 You haven't even met him yet and there's all these expectations! Until you've actually met him in person I'd say texting, messaging, skypying, etc are moot and does not count as anything significant except as another form of communication. As ninja said, don't put your life on hold for someone who isn't even in your life 100%.
Author jesslm_x0 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 You're right, he is losing points and I agree 100% that I am not top priority, no matter how much he wants to talk to me. Should I tell him that? Or does it not even matter? While I'm not looking for my husband, I am very relationship orientated. I would never date just to date. While I may have a dance or two with someone cute or go for drinks to get to know each other, I won't continue seeing them unless there is a spark. With that being said, I'm 21 and have only dated on guy..it's hard for me to feel a sexual, intellectual, and emotional connection. Now, I'm not jumping the gun with this guy by saying I feel all those things just from talking on the phone, BUT the simple fact of how well we get along does make me want to keep this spark lit for a little bit longer. Is that stupid of me?
Author jesslm_x0 Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 You haven't even met him yet and there's all these expectations! Until you've actually met him in person I'd say texting, messaging, skypying, etc are moot and does not count as anything significant except as another form of communication. As ninja said, don't put your life on hold for someone who isn't even in your life 100%. Obviously I'm not, but do I tell him that?
kwayne Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I found it's always best to be honest when you like someone. I think you should tell him that you are open to talking/ dating other people and tell him why (assuming it's because you and him aren't anything official and that could change when you finally meet). I don't think you should ever put your love life on hold for a phone call because emotionally, he's obviously something you want but physically he might not be what you want (I don't mean looks, I mean affection). After you finally meet, I think that's when you'll have to make the decision on whether to keep him and stick to just him or find someone else.
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