HollyBolly Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Here's a question for you: Is there ever a good or appropriate time to break NC? I have read quite a few threads here and almost all of the advice revolves around NC. NC no matter WHAT! So, is there EVER an exception?
Saint Santo Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I believe there are times when it is okay, depending on your state of mind. I may be in the minority, but if you can learn to manage your feelings and not just avoid them you will be stronger. it is up to your state of mind and if the pain is too much then you are best never having contact. for example, my ex was moving and asked to meet up. it was very hard to see her but I am glad I did it as a final goodbye. it helped more than it hurt. depending on how close you were, I don't think it is wrong to wish someone a simple happy birthday or contact them under very special circumstances but other than that be careful. here is a rule to go by: if your ex contacts you and it excites you more than anything else going on in your life, then you are not in a state of mind to talk to them. if your ex contacts you and you feel okay with it but you're not super thrilled or anything, then you're probably ready to talk to them (if you even want to).
Author HollyBolly Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Thank you. That was very insightful. What if you are just waiting for them to contact you for vengeful reasons? What to do then if they do? Reply? Ignore?
Jayerjay Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 In my opinion you only go no contact when you've stated your feelings and they go unreciprocated. If she doesn't know how you feel then I disagree with no contact. If it is for vengeful reasons and you are bitter about something, best forgive and forget. You won't find peace in telling her off. Try your best to move on.
madball2289 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I have a case in which I broke NC. About a week and a half after me and my girl broke up I sent her a text. Just to say I hope you are doing ok. I was dumpee in this case. The only reason why I contacted her was that at the time when we broke up she was very depressed with her life, work, etc. So i figured it would be ok just to check in with her. She responded promptly and there were no hard feelings. Now I was very heartbroken and put all that aside just to see if she was ok. If you can manage your feelings its ok. I am still very heartbroken and have kept no contact since then and have no seen her either. I feel like she has been doing completely fine anyways so there is no need for me to contact her at all. But if i were you I would just stay with no contact, it just makes things easier for yourself.
Author HollyBolly Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 In my opinion you only go no contact when you've stated your feelings and they go unreciprocated. If she doesn't know how you feel then I disagree with no contact. If it is for vengeful reasons and you are bitter about something, best forgive and forget. You won't find peace in telling her off. Try your best to move on. So, what to do if I haven't stated my feelings yet I cannot get her to acknowledge me?
Saint Santo Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 In my opinion you only go no contact when you've stated your feelings and they go unreciprocated. If she doesn't know how you feel then I disagree with no contact. this makes sense in some cases. remember that even if you don't have control over the relationship you once had, you still have control over how you communicate with your ex. it can be just as harmful to suddenly act cold to someone when they don't fully understand why. this is especially true if you've already been in contact since the break-up. what's the real reason we want to be in contact with our exes anyway? peace? the slim possibility that we'll get back together? if it's the latter, you don't want to say anything vengeful and you don't want to give them the chance to say anything vengeful. even if the break-up is for good, it won't help you.
M2155 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 So, what to do if I haven't stated my feelings yet I cannot get her to acknowledge me? Think about it like this: Whatever mattered should have been discussed during the relationship right? Now that you are broken up, what real good is telling her your feelings? If she wanted to know, she would ask. Write your feelings in a letter and don't mail it. Go back and edit it when you have the urge; it is interesting how your words change over time. If she will not acknowledge you, then you will look more pathetic than anything by trying to get her attention. She does not want to deal with your feelings right now, she is still dealing with her own. So leave her be and find other ways to vent. She is not going to offer you anything you want from her right now so you need to go NC to cool off. I think contact is fine once your feelings taper off. Otherwise, your intentions are not the same and your imagination runs away and you start hoping for something that is just going to prolong your heartache when it doesn't come. It's really about being able to talk to the person and having control of your feelings. You reflect and come to realize the relationship may not have been as great as it seems to you right now, or better understand what you really need from your partner-be it she or anyone else, you cant do this well while in continuous contact with the person you have strong feelings for. You are fanning your flame while smothering the chance for hers to relight. The old relationship has to die so you approach future communication if there is any, with a clear head and a fresh start. This takes time.
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