dobroj Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 i really like her and went ahead and showed her them. she ddnt say alot just wandered how long it took me because most were really long. The only reason i showed her tho was a little awkward. this is going to sound weird to some of you but the age difference is im 18 shes 15 i know that sounds wrong but know i have intentions of trying something stupid. The thing that made me show her was when she shared with me she had already had sex with someone who i believe was her own age. and i thought while were just putting everything out in the open now was as good of a time as any. How she could just straight up tell me that surprised me but felt good she trusts me this much. I don't think this is something i can keep to myself though.She asked if i felt any different about her. I honestly don't.shes still the same person i hope to get to know more and im not calling her a slut or anything i could never do that. but i am worried. The way she said it to do it and just get it over with was sad to me it should be something special and meaningful not just to do it and have no meaning with the person your with. she told me to promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. I wish she wouldnt have told me. im scared now. i know i want to keep her trust and not say anything but im going to talk to her sometime i don't know what it will mean im going to ask her if she could promise me she wont do it again. promise me abstinence and be strong to fight the urges shes putting alot at risk. i dont know how i can ask someone to do that i just want to see her do something with her life and not to destroy it all because of one regrettable night. she is incredibly bright and wants to be a missionary worker helping others. she has alot to offer the world if something would happen i would feel at fault because i knew it was happening and i could have made an effort to put a stop to it but i didnt. I dont want that guilt or regret knowing i could have saved her from doing something wrong. im going to talk to her as a friend and try to truly understand and see if she would do this for me. a while ago we once talked about how it would be best to wait until marriage and we seemed to see that as the best option in any scenario. then to do this. i dont know what to think. im scared for her and know saying something would be the right thing but i dont want to destroy our friendship. I Want to be with her as more someday and ive always dreamed of being with her as BF or if i am fortunate enough husband someday. but i would rather her hate me for saying something now and possibly forever than to know i could have prevented her from doing something she will regret.....God help me make this decision i dont know what is the right decision but give me the strength to decide now and not regret it later
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Y'know how some members of her family might feel if perceiving you, the 18yo 'adult', effectively lying on top of this 15yo girl for any reason? Well that is essentially how you're treating her in forcing your opinions/standards onto her personal life. This girl owes you no promises of any sort, and that you are dreaming of her romantically assures that your interest in her own good, is really for the sake of your own good. 2
Author dobroj Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 all i know is that she means a lot to me. after she made me promise to keep this a secret i dont know if i can. i know it could destroy our friendship but if i dont say something and something does happen like her getting pregnant or something i know i would feel at fault because i could have tried to prevent it knowing it was happening. we are still friends and i hope we will be years from now. I know i wouldnt really be at fault and i could have the attitude of its her life not my problem if she ****s it up. But im not that heartless of a person.
denise_xo Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 all i know is that she means a lot to me. after she made me promise to keep this a secret i dont know if i can. i know it could destroy our friendship but if i dont say something and something does happen like her getting pregnant or something i know i would feel at fault because i could have tried to prevent it knowing it was happening. we are still friends and i hope we will be years from now. I know i wouldnt really be at fault and i could have the attitude of its her life not my problem if she ****s it up. But im not that heartless of a person. You're just disguising your interest in her as 'concern'. If you want to betray her trust, go ahead, but that hardly makes you a good friend. It's not your business what choices she makes. 1
denise_xo Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 all i know is that she means a lot to me. after she made me promise to keep this a secret i dont know if i can. i know it could destroy our friendship but if i dont say something and something does happen like her getting pregnant or something i know i would feel at fault because i could have tried to prevent it knowing it was happening. we are still friends and i hope we will be years from now. I know i wouldnt really be at fault and i could have the attitude of its her life not my problem if she ****s it up. But im not that heartless of a person. Yes, you clearly ARE trying to control her actions. Own it.
oldguy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 No good will come of you telling anyone else. She had consensual sex with a boy near her own age. You may not like it but you don't get a say in this. Are you an 18 yo virgin because of religious convictions?
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 First of all, you have no right to tell anyone else about this personal information she has entrusted you with. It is not your "right" or "obligation" to reveal the truth and with some moral conviction "save" this girl who made her own decisions, as every human being has the right to do...but you somehow in your world think that's It's all on your shoulders to show her the light and the truth. You're young, so I can understand why you're so narrow-minded, judgmental and have this false sense of maturity and moral obligation to your ideals...but the biggest threat to her life right now is you, not anyone else. This girl likely has very low self-esteem and probably wanted to be accepted by 15 guy who probably wanted to have sex with her and told her If she really loved him she would do it or she just went with it because she doesn't know any better after he started putting on the moves. Regardless of the reason though, even If she decided she was horny and wanted to have sex, that's her right...not for you to come in on your white horse and preach the gospel of your own moral values and beliefs. Leave this girl alone, join a strict covenant with like-minded people such as yourselves who idealize life and punish each other for your actions rather than accept it as your human nature and that everyone makes decisions, sometimes their mistakes and sometimes they are not. You seem like the kind of guy that thinks you are "mature" for your age, but I can promise you...you lack much insight, knowledge and experience in life. You do not try and essentially make this girl become a born-again-virgin so that's she's "pure" enough to be with one day when she is of age. You're an older male, and you're as manipulative as the guy who got her in bed the first time around. It is about free-will, not forcing people down a path because that's the path they have chose...If you were a real man you would let her make her own choices, you're not her father or her guardian so stop acting like it, you'll only do more damage to a person like this anyway. I hope for her sake, you leave her alone before you start making her feel like a horrible person for having sex, by indirectly and with your body-language showing her how you've lost respect for her, instead of boosting her self-confidence and self-esteem. If you are going to pray to God, ask him to give you the strength to keep your convictions to yourself, live your life for yourself and If you're not happy with the decisions of another person then find someone who feels and makes decisions similar to yours, not to mention of age..It's called compatibility. 1
Author dobroj Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 im not trying to change her. and im not intervening. but what it sounds like is your telling me to forget it. which i am. but i will know that if something does happen i dont know how i would feel. she cares enough about me when we were once talking about whether law enforcement was what i really wanted to do for a career because she wanted me to be happy and enjoy my life. if i dont at least feel concerned about her in this situation i am in no way doing her the same service. a career is a lot less of a responsibility than parenthood. im going to talk to her. i dont care what some of you have to say as calling me controlling i am caring that is all. for those of you who cant see that im sorry. Im not going to call her a horrible person she is still my friend and i hope she feels the same between us as FRIENDS!
Author dobroj Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 im not trying to change her. and im not intervening. but what it sounds like is your telling me to forget it. which i am. but i will know that if something does happen i dont know how i would feel. she cares enough about me when we were once talking about whether law enforcement was what i really wanted to do for a career because she wanted me to be happy and enjoy my life. It felt good that someone cared that much. It actually made me stop and think about my future. If i don't at least feel concerned about her in this situation i am in no way doing her the same service. a career is a lot less of a responsibility than parenthood. im going to talk to her. i don't care what some of you have to say as calling me controlling i am caring that is all. for those of you who cant see that im sorry. I'm not going to call her a horrible person she is still my friend and i hope she feels the same between us as FRIENDS! im not going to do anything besides talk to her.
denise_xo Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Well, the advice you've been given here has been pretty unified. But how you act on it is up to you.
oldguy Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 First of all; What do you imagine happening to her? Second; What do you believe telling anyone would do? From what you said it didn't sound like she was having casual sex often or was planning to anyway. The only thing you might do is support her as a friend & maybe mention the importance of using protection as long as you can do that without coming off like your lecturing her. There are a few truths in life & one of them is; you can not lead someone else's life for them & another one is; saving someone who is not aware they need your brand of salvation is not only awfully presumptuous of you but will most often fail miserably & completely. 2
kaylan Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 OP....young people have sex...its a fact of life. Its not on you to judge them or lead their life for them. Do not, by any means, stifle this girls growth as a young woman by demonizing her for exploring her sexuality. Attitudes like yours is why some women grow up and end up in relationships where they hardly ever make love to their bf or husband. Attitudes like yours is why there still exists women who dont even know what an orgasm feels like even when they have "self intimacy" alone time. Leave the girl be. As long as shes not doing anything sexual with adults, nor being sexually promiscuous and irresponsible, then I say shes ok. Just another average kid.
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