sarah436 Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 When I moved to the town I now live in I became fast friends with the girl next door. I also fell completely in love with her cousin. He was 22 and I was 19. We dated on and off, and I lost my virginity to him. He was everything I ever wanted in a guy. He was so funny and outgoing. He was sweet and loved kids. He was also so beautiful with big blue green eyes and tan skin. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I did him. He helped me deal with so much and I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Then in December of 2001 he was driving home from some party. He had drank waaaay too much to be driving. He hit a tree and was in a coma for eight days. On Dec 7th he died. At that time we had broken up over some stupid thing and I was annoyed with him. The last time I saw him he called out to me and I ignored him. The guilt still hurts so bad. I never went to the funeral or wake. I just couldn't. There was no way I could have held it together. The problem is I have now been with a great guy for about 2 years. I really love him but everytime we have fight or he upsets me I can't help but think "Tom would never do this" It is so unfair and I hate it but I can not get through a day without thinking about him and what could have been. I feel like I lost my one real chance at love. I don't understand myself!! My boyfriend is wonderful. How can I learn to let go? Do you think going to his grave for a goodbye would be a good idea? So far I have been afreai it would make things worse. Thanks!
Blah Toolz Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I think that you should go to the gravesite and pay your respects... make amends, it will help you in the healing process. You feel guilt because of the fight you two were in before he passed away... so go to the gravesite... have one last chat with him, let him know how you feel. I think it will do you good. I don't know how religious you are, but he is in a better place now... and he will be listening to you from above.
Author sarah436 Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 Thanks so much for your reply. I am not very religious but I do believe you are right. He is in a better place. I have seriously been considering going to his grave. I agree that it may give some closure. Maybe then I can stop living with what if's and I should have's
average guy Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Now, don't take this the wrong way because it is good to move on in life, and I am not berating you for having another bf, but in general, I think people in todays society of fast-past instant gratification do not mourn and grieve the way they need to. In the old days in some countires, someone who lost a signiifacnt other would wear black and literally be left alone to mourn for about a year. This is truly what needs to happen. These days people are not given that option, they are told to "get over it". I think you need to really let yourself mourn the loss you've hah before you will ever begin to let go of him Good luck A.G.
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