How do I end this relationship that is going no where?

[teacher38]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. We have had our ups and downs, but the main issue is that he will not make any kind of commitment. 2 years ago he said he'd move in with me once he changed jobs. He changed jobs and makes more money, but never moved in with me. The few times I have asked he tells me he wants to buy this or that first for his car. It's always something. I've come to realize that he will never move in with me.The weird thing is he'll spend every night with me, but won't move in. He also never wants to spend time with me. He always has something to do or go (without me). I work all week, plus tutor, go to the gym, and take my child to her activities. So I am busy too. All I want is for at least on the weekends to have some time with him together, but he never wants too. Now lately he has been going out every Friday to the bars with his guy friends. I am never invited. I love him so much and I am ALWAYS the one to compromise. This whole relationship is how he wants it. When I try to talk to him about it, he says I am being drama and it's not like how I am describing...but it is. I am in a relationship, yet feel lonely. I know I should let him go, but I love him so much. I just don't know how much more rejection I can take. I'm not ugly, I take care of myself, I look good and professionally have accomplished a lot. So it's not like I'm a loser. Why doesn't he want to be with me more? Is he just making me miserable, so I am the one that breaks up? He is all about making his ex's the 'bad ones that hurt him' so that others will feel sorry for him. Is that what he is doing to me? Driving me to the point where I break up with him because I am so unhappy?

[westrock]

This whole relationship is how he wants it. When I try to talk to him about it, he says I am being drama and it's not like how I am describing...but it is. I am in a relationship, yet feel lonely.

 

From your username, I presume you are 38? You've been with him for 4 years. How much longer are you going to wait?

 

He has no reason to change the status quo. He's getting everything he wants. But, where are you fitting into all of this? He seems rather selfish if you ask me.

 

If there is any chance of him changing, it will only happen if he knows he is going to actually lose you. The only way to do that is to tell him: 1. you are not happy, 2. either he steps up now or you are done. And mean it. No more excuses, no more sweet talking. Time for talking is over and now you are going to walk. Start spending less time with him and communicate less with him (don't cut him off totally) and either he gets the message that you're walking and he steps up, or he doesn't.

 

He is all about making his ex's the 'bad ones that hurt him' so that others will feel sorry for him.

 

You can't control whether he will make you out to be another "bad one that hurt him". If he does that, then he's a selfish person who is unable to take responsibility for his actions, and you would be justified in breaking up with him.

 

Is that what he is doing to me? Driving me to the point where I break up with him because I am so unhappy?

 

Don't look at it that way. Instead, see it as you taking steps to live your life the way you want it. If that means you are breaking up with him, that's his loss, not yours.

 

Every day that you remain in an unhappy relationship, is one less day that you could be with someone who will love you and treat you the way you should be treated.

[PlumPrincess]

I guess, he gets sex every night and is not interested in more. I'd break up with him. From your post it doesn't sound like a relationship.

[FitChick]

You could find someone better if you really wanted to. It sounds like you prefer drama and suffering and being the victim. As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that workin' for ya?"

 

You don't have to do anything to end the relationship other than refuse to have sex with him, since that's all you've really got anyway. He will leave of his own accord.