AshleyLoveKaleb Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I'm 15, and my boyfriend is 16. We started dating last April, dated for 4 months and then broke up. We got back together in November. Kaleb can be very stubborn and doesn't really like to listen to his parents, teachers, etc. This is bad because he often gets in trouble with his parents and won't admit that he was wrong. And often times this leads to him breaking things or hurting himself. I had only ever heard about his tantrums up until a few weeks ago when I witnessed one. He put some pretty decent sized holes in the walls and started to cry and wouldn't let me go when his parents said I needed to leave. He does have some sort of mental disorder (which no doctor seems to be able to diagnose), where he seems to disconnect himself from his emotions and doesn't care who he's hurting if he doesn't get his way. Sometimes he doesn't even realize he's hurting people. Today was another one of those days where he got in trouble, and when he received his punishment (which was simply doing some things around the house) he refused and wouldn't leave his room, and attempted to hurt himself. He wasn't allowed to call me, but he did, and I am now no longer allowed to see or talk to him anywhere but at school. I tried to reason with him, but he just got upset at me for having parents that aren't strict at all. He didn't respond when I told him I loved him. He thinks that he will just continue and continue to get worse so he's stopped caring. I don't know how to talk him out of it. I don't know what to say to him anymore. I care about him so much and he is so amazing and brilliant. I've been diagnosed with a few anxiety disorders so naturally I worry a lot about him and fear the worst. I need to know what I can do. What can I do to comfort him when he's feeling this way? How can I make it easier for his parents to help him? What can I say? How do I convince him that it's not the end of the world each time he gets in trouble?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Wow, you are just plainly and simply in trouble with this one. His anger issues are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much for you to handle at all appropriately. Far too many people prefer to date a 'project' rather than wait for someone who is far more healthy and truly available (emotionally) than is the guy you're dating. I know how great it feels to invest so much of yourself in this ONE guy, right NOW... but if the 35-year-old you were counseling the 15yo you at this point, she would be SO quick to advise you to cut him loose for good, and 'expect' that a truly great guy would date you in the very near future.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 You know what Ashley, as you get older you'll realize that It's really hard to change people or make them see something they don't want to see. Sometimes people are very stubborn and other times they just don't know any better because they can't see themselves and what they are doing, they don't understand why they get in trouble...they think the world is just against them or at least all people are, or nothing ever goes their way. They blame everything else for the things they do, they don't realize that their responsible for their actions because they feel like something else influenced them to do it. This is way bigger issue Ashley than you are capable of figuring out and handling, look at his parents...they want to help him and they try to, sometimes he can't make the best decisions for himself. They just know how serious his issues are when you aren't there. Kaleb isn't in a place where he's going to listen to others, he's going to be very defensive and thinks he knows it all, but that's because he's suffering. And the only way Kaleb can figure this out is by Kaleb making the decisions to work on it, but he first needs to acknowledge that he needs it, which he probably doesn't...he doesn't see how he looks to normal people and people on the outside, he just feels misunderstood and judged and like nobody can relate to what he's going through because of whatever excuse there is. I know you care a lot about him, and you see the good in him and the potential but with a guy like Kaleb this is going to be something he's probably going to have to deal with for life or at least until he's grown up and able to take responsibility for it and handle himself for maturely. You can't love him and care for him better, you can say magic words and everything will be better and he'll just be this amazing and brilliant guy that nobody else sees but now finally will because he won't get into so much trouble anymore. You need to realize that this is also who Kaleb is, this is as much apart of him as the good qualities...human beings are not made perfect, they just have to be strong enough to face their issues and do the best they can to be the best they can. You are young and will probably not want to let go, you probably feel like you understand Kaleb better than anyone else sometimes. But you have to realize his parents know him best, they raised him from a baby and sometimes they might know what's best for him...but as you can see Kaleb isn't an easy guy to get the message across to. The best thing you can do is just be supportive of him and be someone he can talk to. But honestly you're way in over your head with this guy, If you were older I'd tell you to walk away and you might understand why that's important...but right now you're at the age where you'll probably need to learn the hard way why you need to do that first before you can comprehend that people aren't just trying to tell you what to do and don't understand how you feel...but honestly they're telling you to walk away because they do, and don't want to see you go through being hurt. You can't help people, they have to help themselves, otherwise they'll drain everything from you...make you cry...and still push you away. 1
Recommended Posts