iheartsuki Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 yesterday, i went to a company sponsored event with my bf for his job. the event was largely to recruit new people to the company and my bf was selected to help out with events and show them a good time. significant others were invited as well, so he invited me along. now, i GET that this is a work related thing and i GET that he has to kind of babysit these people and pay attention to them. but i honestly felt like i spent the entire day with my thumb up my ass. he was all over the place, going completely overboard with making sure everyone was entertained and making himself the center of attention. occasionally, he would swoop by for a kiss, and sometimes he would become aware that i was still there and put his arm around me and talk to me for a bit, but most of the time, i was left walking behind him, by myself, while he had conversations with other people as we walked from one event to another, i was left standing in corners while he doted on everyone else, i was left hanging when i would try to talk to him or engage him b/c he would completely miss my attempts at making my existence known. it was largely a social event and i'm not extremely outgoing. i feel like he absolutely could have made all of those people feel comfortable and could have kept things organized AND ALSO treated me like his significant other. i think he could have done all of that AND still engaged me in conversations, touched me more, made sure i wasn't left walking behind him AND be sensitive to the fact that i'm not extremely outgoing and get very uncomfortable in large groups of people. when i told him this at the end of the day, he denied that he acted this way and pointed out the few times that he did swoop in for a kiss, blamed me for not making enough effort to talk to other people, and said the purpose of the event was to keep those people entertained, not to spend time together, and he's not going to sacrifice any of the attention he put on them to put attention on me. SO WHY DID HE INVITE ME???? in addition to this, at a later point in the day, we were at the hotel where everyone was staying, and were waiting to talk to someone when a very tall, very hot blonde came walking down the big staircase we were standing at the bottom of. my bf did not take his eyes off her the entire time she walked down. i know this is not in my head because i looked over to see what he was looking at for so long before seeing her at all -- i didn't see the girl first and then make assumptions from my own insecurity as i have done on occasion. immediately i just felt like crying and got really angry and told him how humiliated i felt. he only got angry and completely denied looking at her and said i was angry at him for "looking over at someone for a second". he even started a sentence directed at me when he was looking at her and didn't take his eyes off her the entire time he was talking to me!!!! wtf. i am so angry. how do i handle this?? what's ok to expect of him??? the entire day i just felt humiliated and lonely. maybe it's my fault for thinking i was going w/ him as his significant other, who would be on his arm most of the time, talking WITH HIM to other people and feeling equally engaged?? i guess it was only a work event that i was allowed to come along on and then step aside....stupid me.
EspressoTorte Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Being that this was a work event, you kind of had to know he would have to play that role. This wasn't a date where he completely ignored you. You admitted that you reacted in the past the same way with regard to the blonde he looked at, so there's that. The positive would be that he did invite you to a work event where a lot of guys wouldn't. That indicates to me that he wants to include you in other aspects of his life outside of just you two, so the insecurities can take a back seat a little.
Professor X Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 now, i GET that this is a work related thing and i GET that he has to kind of babysit these people and pay attention to them With all due respect, I don't think you did get it. This whole post you were focusing on yourself - What was the better alternative? NOT to invite you? So than you find out all the other SO got invited and you were not? Perhaps you thought he should of spent all the time with you in an event he was HIRED to run? the entire day i just felt humiliated and lonely More like you got to think how you aren't getting all the attention. Again, with all due respect. P.S. as for the tall hot blond, u should of slapped him right there, but that's something else. 1
bikinibeach Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Dump his ass, baby. That is so rude and I thoughtful. Add to that the fact that he didn't even feel sorry when he realized how he was behaving. He also LIED about eye-f----Ing that blonde chick. DON'T let a man have you thinking you're the crazy one or imagining things. Your gut feeling is always right! especially when his callous response reinforces it. It seems that he's just no that into you. Would you choose to be with a dismissive man who has you as an afterthought and can't even look you in the eyes to talk when a hot chick enters the room? There will always be someone prettier or more interesting than you in the world, but you can choose to be with someone who will light up when YOU enter the room and has eyes for you alone! This is not impossible!!!
bikinibeach Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 With all due respect, I don't think you did get it. This whole post you were focusing on yourself - What was the better alternative? NOT to invite you? So than you find out all the other SO got invited and you were not? Perhaps you thought he should of spent all the time with you in an event he was HIRED to run? More like you got to think how you aren't getting all the attention. Again, with all due respect. He could have told her ahead of time. I think he just used her as a security blanket for his own self confidence. I will say she should have found something to occupy herself with or someone go talk to instead of, presumably, moping. Regardless, he sounds like a callous lout that needs a boot in the ass. I wonder if the op will have the self respect to do so? Most of these types of women don't
Chi townD Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 Well, it was a work related event and I take it that your man is trying to make a name for himself, so I kinda understand WHERE he's coming from. For him, it was an evening that he was ordered to make sure everyone else was entertain. So, it wasn't a relaxing; let's have some fun event, it was work. HOWEVER!!!! He did do a bonehead move and not introduce you as his girl, or involve you in conversations....that's where he was a bonehead. Now, I don't know what to say about the blonde. But I'm pretty sure you were pretty pissed at this point. So, he may have looked at the blonde, but (and just humor me) maybe that was the catalyse you need to set you off! The straw that broke the camels back! Yeah, bonehead move on his part, but I'm sure that you can be just as guilty for looking at some guy and thinking to yourself, "Damn, he's cute." We're all human. Look, I'm not defending his actions...I'm just trying to get you to look at things in a different perspective. However, you need to tell him how you feel and that you won't be treated like that again. Because, if you don't...well, history has a chance at repeating itself.
NoMagicBullet Posted February 29, 2012 Posted February 29, 2012 I agree with Chi townD that he could have made more of an effort to introduce you to people, but really, he was helping out and not just there to socialize. Believe me, I know where you are coming from, because I'm not that outgoing and in the past, I would be thinking the exact same way under the circumstances. However, I've come to realize that 99.9999% of what people do isn't because of me or even has anything to do with me. Same thing here: he was focused on work, and he paid as much attention to you as he could. You're expecting too much. You may not be outgoing, but you can change that. Step out of your comfort zone and talk to people. Take charge of your own social situation, and don't wait for your boyfriend to do the work for you. I'm not sure how many of these social events play a part in your boyfriend's work, but a girlfriend who can pleasantly converse with different people is likely to be an asset who reflects well on him. If you tried, you might be helping out your boyfriend by being more social in such situations. As for him staring at the blonde -- yeah, that's not right. You have every right to be upset about that. Sure, men will look, but the good ones at least keep their glances brief and discrete out of respect for their SO.
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