ConFuzed91 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Ok. so I was with this guy for two and a half years, Started off GREAT! A year went by and we remained living apart (4hours apart in fact) He would come up and surprise me and Id go down and stay with him for a week once a month or a weekend here and there. We were best friends since the day we met (2months before we started got together) SORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH the last year and a half had its major ups and downs. Mostly downs to the point I literally became depressed. But I dont blame him, Iv had a really rough past and bottled everything up and it exploded at the wrong time. Instead of being there for me he started going out every day of the weekend and making me stay home with his mum and dad. He didnt trust me after I made a mistake 1month into the relationship so arguments would happen everytime I wanted to go out and in the end I was not allowed to go out at all. I would take every chance to hang with friends and have some drinks whenever I wasnt with him.. anyways: He broke up with me after I flipped out about a trip he had planned without me (I flipped because his last trip to that place with the same people hurt me on every level possible after seeing some photo's and being ignored the whole time) I got stuck at his house for a week before I could go home, he acted like I wasnt there and like he had just had the best thing happen to him. That just hurt even more then the break up (Felt like everything was a lie and I meant nothing to him) I spent that week crying myself to sleep trying not to wake his sister who was sleeping right next to me. We ended up spending one last night together and it was like we were still together (cuddling, calling me babe etc...) I went home and started the healing process (binge drinking for days straight) after 2 month of no contact he texts me to tell me he was sending my phone I lent his sister and after the guy I was hanging with texted him (i didnt have the phone) he flipped out, calling him a little boy and all sorts of other names, saying he hopes im happy with someone who could make me happy (he always used to say he wasnt good enough for me and even with reassurance he didnt believe me) I got the phone back and asked him what was up and he tells me he's not over me and never will be because he doesnt want to be. I was SHOCKED!! I thought he hated me. I was sort of pissed too and I said some nasty things out of anger. we decided to call it quits on talking to eachother because all we did when we did try talk was argue. after a month or two he texted me at 3 in the morning, I didnt reply - He then starts calling, I rejected them all - my email starts going off - its him.. after the 10th call I decided to pick up - He hangs up then texts me to say he just wanted to wake me up so he could talk to me. He found out that I was moving 15hrs away.... few days later he came to visit me, it was weird. I didnt know how to approach him and think he was the same. We watched tv, didnt talk much, I kept my distance. Eventually he started getting closer and closer, Everytime I went toilet Id come back to find my side of the bed getting smaller and smaller until he was literally laying on me. we ended up sleeping together, wasnt the same though. after that we just talked for a hour about what we'd been up to. He left. a few days later he came back and repeated the above. A argument ended up arising and we didnt talk for another month. I moved away and then when I started getting on with things he started talking to me again, was alot different this time - He started off by asking me if my mate was keen to hook up (think he just did it to piss me off, didnt work) I was expecting a few texts then silence for another month but he texted ALL day, he then tells me he missed me. He was calling and we were talking for hours like we used to, He'd text me every morning to say goodmorning. We were laughing at how stupid we were when we were together and how we could have made things work if we did things different. He even called me BABE! followed by gorgeous and beautiful. But I was 15hrs away and was trying to start fresh so I was testing the waters with another guy before he started talking to me again. I told him this and he went cold on me, when I asked why he had suddenly changed he told me he was just trying to get me to have sex with him but now that I have a bf he didnt want to cause any trouble and that he'd already hurt me enough and he didnt know why I was still talking to him.. A week went by and I didnt talk to him because of the guy I was seeing. But when I thought things were ok my ex texted me. it was just friendly talk. I stopped seeing the guy I was seeing and decided to go home, 19hrs away. I had to stop in my exs hometown for a night so we decided to meet up. It was the most confusing thing yet! - I told him "No kissing, No cuddling and No staring at me" we watched a movie for a while then he started messing up my hair and tickling me! this led to kissing, that led to sex and after that he lays next to me staring at me while I watched the movie. I moved and he ended up sitting behind me and cuddling me. before he left he kisses me on the forehead then on the lips. I tell him NO MORE SEEING EACHOTHER and he laughs and tells me thats never gonna happen. he texts me the next morning just to tell me he was thinking about me while he ate breakfast because I was hungry while he was with me. lol 3 weeks later he came to my hometown (some of his family live down the road from my parents house) - we had been talking for a few days before and I eventually gave in and went to see him. We sat on the beach for a few hours just talking and cuddling. I was confused at this point, I asked him what was up and if I was just imagining things (feelings). He tells me he has feelings for me and that Im the one he wants to be with but not right now because he isnt ready. this to me just screams NOT INTERESTED IN YOU! then one day he tells me "we're just two people who have sex sometimes" then it was "Im going to marry you one day" then "its just sex, Iv told you" then after he said something mean one night I stopped talking, his words were "are you mad?" "dont be" "ill make it up to you somehow, my heart is yours". the next day he says "sorry, im going to leave you alone because im just making things hard for you"... he didnt talk to me for a week after I finally had enough and told him to F off and leave me alone. he facebooked me lastnight to say he snapped his phone after our argument... Im missing him so much but I miss the old nice him who would tell me how he felt instead of playing games... HELP.... Is he just using my weaknesses (being how I still feel about him) against me to get sex or what??
carhill Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Welcome to LS Ask yourself why you miss a guy who treats you like a rubber band. Snap, snap. I call this the 'Cheers effect' where he uses the sex part to stir the oxytocin pot to keep you strung along, yet invests little. IMO, break up and stay broke up. Read the thread in my signature for a healthy way to do that. The current dynamic does not appear to be healthy. You have choices. Time to choose. 1
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