Onlyjonley Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I have mentioned before that my boy and I still haven't had sex due to my belief on not giving that up until I'm sure I have a future with that person. That being said, my boy understands and even agrees. We do everything but have sex. But lately my boy has less and less interest in messing around. We have maybe messed around twice in the last 2 weeks. He is all over me when we're just cuddling but past that ... rarely nothing. I brought it up to him a few weeks ago and he said nothing was wrong and he'd definitely make more of an effort. But it hasn't gotten better. I've been at his house all weekend. He goes straight to sleep when we get in bed. Is he bored with just messing around? It makes me feel unattractive and bad about myself. My last boyfriend wanted to jump my bones every time he saw me, even without the sex. And no, my boyfriend isn't cheating.
musemaj11 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Women want men to keep wanting something from them even if its something they do not plan to give in the first place. I dont understand this selfish need. 1
kaylan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) First, how long have you been dating? A guy whos had sex in the past is not gonna keep getting himself all worked up for a girl whos not putting out because: 1. Blue balls freaking hurt, so its possible hes limiting his arousal as to not deal with it. 2. Hes growing bored of foreplay. And if you are doing everything but sex, then you realize oral sex IS sex. 3. Hes simply sick of waiting and is harboring some sort of resentment. Personally Id grow to resent a gal who would keep letting us get that far and then not have sex. Just being honest. Id much prefer we only make out since its not a tease this way. If we arent going to having intercourse, then Id rather have no type of sex at all. Because foreplay is simply an appetizer for the main course that is sex. He could be thinking "Why frustrate myself? Why do you need to feel attractive by us fooling around even though I feel unattractive because you dont desire for us to make love? Id rather just wait until the time comes because this is a little much for me" So it can be any or all of those 3 things. The only time Id be pretty ok with a girl making me wait a while is if she was a virgin, and I dont tend to date virgins anyways...so yeah. I had a virgin gf when I was younger and I was understanding of her wanting to wait...though I did get frustrated a lot since we did everything but have sex for about 4 months. Took us 4 months to have sex, but only a couple weeks for everything that comes before it. Go figure. If she wasnt a virgin and was making me wait, Id def have a rough time dealing with it...especially if waiting wasnt something she always normally did. Edited February 26, 2012 by kaylan 3
TheFinalWord Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) First, how long have you been dating? A guy whos had sex in the past is not gonna keep getting himself all worked up for a girl whos not putting out because: 1. Blue balls freaking hurt, so its possible hes limiting his arousal as to not deal with it. 2. Hes growing bored of foreplay. And if you are doing everything but sex, then you realize oral sex IS sex. 3. Hes simply sick of waiting and is harboring some sort of resentment. Personally Id grow to resent a gal who would keep letting us get that far and then not have sex. Just being honest. Id much prefer we only make out since its not a tease this way. If we arent going to having intercourse, then Id rather have no type of sex at all. Because foreplay is simply an appetizer for the main course that is sex. He could be thinking "Why frustrate myself? Why do you need to feel attractive by us fooling around even though I feel unattractive because you dont desire for us to make love? Id rather just wait until the time comes because this is a little much for me" Yes on all three points...especially point 1. Edited February 26, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 What are you defining as 'messing around' and 'sex', exactly? I would find it strange that anyone would engage in erotic acts, but not bring each other to orgasm somehow. I would think that people either 1) not perform intercourse, but still bring each other to orgasm after the foreplay, or 2) not do any of that, but also refrain from any sort of erotic activities.
HHC Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I have withdrawn sexually during times I know I am not going to get sex and it is easier for me to not let myself get aroused if I know I'm not going to be sexually fulfilled. Sounds like he could be doing the same
veggirl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Hebby, what exactly are you waiting for from him before you feel comfortable having sex? You say in your other threads you are in love with him, and haven't you been together like 7 months? Are you waiting for engagement or something? I agree with the others, he is sick of just foreplay. Anyone would be by this point, assuming they've had regular sex before...
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 It's important to know how long the relationship has been going on to properly answer this question. A few months or less, depending on schedule and how many times you have met...this isn't a big deal. He's a man, of course he's going to want your jello pudding. I wouldn't judge him for trying to compose and distance himself from being too excited, and then feeling rejected himself by you not having sex with him. Even If he knows why you are doing it, there's an emotional side and a rational side in play and they don't always happily co-exist. Three months or more and he's still doing this, then he really is interested in you. Not sure why you don't trust him by now, he probably is getting bored and a little restless over the situation...which again he is a man and is fully understandable, you shouldn't expect him to be peachy and happy going this long without getting laid and actually being faithful. Bottom line is that it's not that you're unattractive, he just knows it's not going to lead to anything. You can't expect him not to do his thing and deal with the situation, It wouldn't be easy for me I tell you that much If not nearly impossible...so I give the guy a lot of credit If it's been longer than 3 months. The question is though to me, why haven't you figured out that there is long-term potential yet? or are you looking for a serious engagement of some sort? Nothing can ever be set in stone, but that's what stands out to me in this situation and probably be the focus of your agenda in this relationship, you should probably be asking more questions and building a closer relationship.
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