Sugarkane Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 That everyone on here is always worried about what impression they left on their ex the last time they spoke. Making excuses for always "this will be the last time'. Yet these dumpers never remotely care what sort of impression they left us with, of them? Especially if they were completely horrible to you.
Mr Scorpio Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 No. I don't necessarily disagree with you that dumpers don't much care about what impression they left with us. But I don't wonder why dumpees would be concerned with what impression they left. I think that when you have spent years with a person, only to lose them, that it is natural to think back upon the last meeting with that person. I certainly wish that I had behaved differently the last time I saw my ex.
Author Sugarkane Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 But I mean they should be far more understanding 90% of the time. Who wouldn't be crying and emotional after being dumped? Losing someone is never easy. If someone died you wouldn't be told just to "get over it". Especially if you're being dumped out of the blue.
Mr Scorpio Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I agree that understanding is appropriate in the situation. For me, it is all about mental imagery. In moments of weakness I sometimes run the slideshow of the relationship through my mind. To have it end on a slide of me crying and her driving away isn't the greatest, you know?
smudge21 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Interesting question as I do often focus on what impression I left my ex with. I know for a fact it was a good one due to what she's said to others but in the same light, I always feel I could've/should've done more during those last few times I saw her (after we'd split and tried friends). Why? I don't really know, maybe it's because she meant so much to me I want to believe that I meant the same to her. The thought that our ex's simply forget and move on is often too much to handle so we like to believe they still think about us occasionally. Yes, in many ways it's fooling yourself, but if it helps you heal by keeping you in a better frame of mind then why not. Once you heal, it doesn't matter.
smoke_n_mirrors Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Funny. I feel that most of my exes, maybe all (except my ex of 3.5 years), don't think of me at all. I have been pretty good with just cutting things off and going NC when things hit the fan. And then out of nowhere, they'll all contact me days apart of each other with small, pointless things. Now I usually don't answer because I've learned that I have the power to choose to answer or not. Honestly, there are a few I wish I left a harsher impression on because of the way they treated me (vanishing, withdrawing, disrespect, cheating, etc). Maybe I feel they see me as passive? Perhaps I fear that, being seen as a pushover. But then again, it's so hard to demonstrate strength when you're being pushed from so many different angles.
Author Sugarkane Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Interesting question as I do often focus on what impression I left my ex with. I know for a fact it was a good one due to what she's said to others but in the same light, I always feel I could've/should've done more during those last few times I saw her (after we'd split and tried friends). Why? I don't really know, maybe it's because she meant so much to me I want to believe that I meant the same to her. The thought that our ex's simply forget and move on is often too much to handle so we like to believe they still think about us occasionally. Yes, in many ways it's fooling yourself, but if it helps you heal by keeping you in a better frame of mind then why not. Once you heal, it doesn't matter. As we're the dumpees, if anything they should've tried more.
oldguy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Eventually the emotional bonds will dissolve & they won't care, but that's when they won't be writing about it here either.
Renard99 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I often think, foolishly, of what my ex thinks of me. We work in the same building and see each other a couple of times a month. She dumped me after she went through a period of 'self discovery' and change. In that initial period I was fairly certain she didn't think of me much, purely because she seemed to have an 'out with the old, in with the new' attitude to her whole life. However, after about 8 months of NC I was healing and she came back wanting reconciliation. Then, half way through our 'talks' she did a complete 180 and decided she didn't want reconciliation after all and went very cold towards me, using some very flawed reasons why we shouldn't agree to be together. After I pointed out and explained the flaws in her arguement, she suddenly really warmed up to me (even though we agreed that getting back together wasn't going to work) After, so many changes in attitude towards me, I often wonder what her view is of me. I know it's pointless to think of it and on the surface, I don't care, but deep down, a part of me obviously still does
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