juliebijoux Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 If I have an initial connection with a guy on our first meeting, I tend to fall very hard for the guy. This has happened for me my whole life. I just have these intense feelings. I work, make plans with other friends but these feelings are still there. It isn't love really, just like that I'm so happy. I think about the other person. My last dating relationship lasted about a month. We met online and then started texting until we decided to meet up one night. I actually just wanted to meet him to practice dating so that I wouldn't have these intense feelings, but then we just had this spark. Both of us went rather loopy. He said he was crazy for me. And I threw my plans to be reserved out the window. Now a month later he says that he doesn't have the same feelings as me. He doesn't want to force it. I accept that it is ended, however, I just feel rejected. Does this happen to everyone?
puresynphony Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Everyone has the initial butterflies and feel good endorphins when they first meet someone. There is a honeymoon period. Perhaps u come onto guys too strong, I don't know. But there is no need to feel rejected, u were not rejected, he just does not feel it anymore, it has nothing to do with you. I would stop throwing ur plans out the window for someone, no one is worth losing life plans or opportunities over. Its ur life so take care of it. Things like this happen to lots of people, the most important thing is not what happened, but how u deal with it. Always deal with it in a positive manner, if one door closes another will always open. Best wishes
Jane2011 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 You're not alone. If I like a guy, I get pretty intense feelings early on, too, and think about him all the time. I think the best you can do is try not to spend so much time with him that you get dependent. Also, try to curb the contact in general. Last couple guys I dated, I made sure, even when they texted me a lot, not to let it get out of hand where we were texting constantly. I didn't want to rely on them too much emotionally (i.e. get used to them being there for me every moment) and then get disappointed. Of course, it's different after they're a sure thing and you're really, really established. But early on, I protect myself by keeping the communication at a certain minimum even if I like him A LOT. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Everyone feels a spark or chemistry, some of us feel extreme and intense passion. But that doesn't mean you throw your whole life away for it. Some of that's temporary, sometimes that just happens in the moment and then disappears and you wonder If it could have been more. Sometimes It feels like this is the perfect person for you. But you've got to realize as a grown-up that this isn't Disneyland. You don't know a damn thing about this person and who they are, what they really believe in, how they'll treat you, what they'll feel for you, how compatible they are, what their values and morals are and If they even come close to aligning yours with theirs. A real relationship is not composed of just those initial emotions, that's just the superficial to a degree, or the intro If you will but not the whole story. So you have remind yourself of that, you don't really know this guy, these emotions aren't guaranteed and you can't make them permanent you actually have to have a relationship. But at the same time If you really want a relationship you don't just jump into some random guys arms and hope he'll treat you right and love you the way you've always wanted, that would be ridiculous, just because you feel intense emotions? intense emotions from what? you're not giving birth to a child or getting married, you're connecting with some random guy who could be a complete douchebag for all you know, you have no idea of who he is and what his past is. Deal with those emotions responsibly and recognize them, but don't be stupid over them. I think my biggest issue with women is why they are so trusting towards men when very few can be trusted. They'll lie to you to get what they want, they'll omit the truth, they'll say the things you want to hear...why? because you're like a puppy dog wagging your tail waiting for the guy to throw the ball and he can't resist, you're just making it too easy and begging for it! This guy took your for a ride, he just wanted to have a good time with you. If he was crazy about you then he'd have stuck around longer than one month, as a man you don't just meet a woman you're "crazy" about then fall out of it after one month. And If you had your eyes opened wider and took a step back you probably would have talked about real relationship factors and issues then maybe you would have found out this guys whole deal, you've got to be smart enough to figure these guys out and read between the lines, you can't just go on a whim because of what you're "feeling". Bottom line is it's not these guys that are doing it to you If this keeps happening, It's you doing it to yourself, you're creating this romance and fantasy and of course men are just going to go along or even try to instigate that...because they won't mind walking away If it "doesn't work out"...but trust me, guys know...when they break up with you or have a change of heart, they already know that from the beginning most of the time. 6
petal28 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Everyone feels a spark or chemistry, some of us feel extreme and intense passion. But that doesn't mean you throw your whole life away for it. Some of that's temporary, sometimes that just happens in the moment and then disappears and you wonder If it could have been more. Sometimes It feels like this is the perfect person for you. But you've got to realize as a grown-up that this isn't Disneyland. You don't know a damn thing about this person and who they are, what they really believe in, how they'll treat you, what they'll feel for you, how compatible they are, what their values and morals are and If they even come close to aligning yours with theirs. A real relationship is not composed of just those initial emotions, that's just the superficial to a degree, or the intro If you will but not the whole story. So you have remind yourself of that, you don't really know this guy, these emotions aren't guaranteed and you can't make them permanent you actually have to have a relationship. But at the same time If you really want a relationship you don't just jump into some random guys arms and hope he'll treat you right and love you the way you've always wanted, that would be ridiculous, just because you feel intense emotions? intense emotions from what? you're not giving birth to a child or getting married, you're connecting with some random guy who could be a complete douchebag for all you know, you have no idea of who he is and what his past is. Deal with those emotions responsibly and recognize them, but don't be stupid over them. I think my biggest issue with women is why they are so trusting towards men when very few can be trusted. They'll lie to you to get what they want, they'll omit the truth, they'll say the things you want to hear...why? because you're like a puppy dog wagging your tail waiting for the guy to throw the ball and he can't resist, you're just making it too easy and begging for it! This guy took your for a ride, he just wanted to have a good time with you. If he was crazy about you then he'd have stuck around longer than one month, as a man you don't just meet a woman you're "crazy" about then fall out of it after one month. And If you had your eyes opened wider and took a step back you probably would have talked about real relationship factors and issues then maybe you would have found out this guys whole deal, you've got to be smart enough to figure these guys out and read between the lines, you can't just go on a whim because of what you're "feeling". Bottom line is it's not these guys that are doing it to you If this keeps happening, It's you doing it to yourself, you're creating this romance and fantasy and of course men are just going to go along or even try to instigate that...because they won't mind walking away If it "doesn't work out"...but trust me, guys know...when they break up with you or have a change of heart, they already know that from the beginning most of the time. What ninja said.... Julie i am exactly like what you have described so you are not alone. when there is a mutual attraction between myself and a guy then it tends to be really intense right at the beginning but then the flame quickly blows out. they say that r'ships that are intense at the beginning do not work out for the best long term. i have found that it has taken me about a year plus to get over the last two guys that i have liked even though the r'ships with these guys have lasted less than 3 months! i really hate myself for falling so intensely for these guys and wearing my heart of my sleeve. it alwys feels ilke i'm the one that has to suffer so much after the breakup whereas the guys easily move onto other girls
veggirl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I think it's a sign of desperation, insecurity, and a fear of being alone. You want so badly to have a partner that you are "in love" (more or less) after one conversation!? C'mon. If this keeps happening, you are simply desperate! 2
Jane2011 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Everyone feels a spark or chemistry, some of us feel extreme and intense passion. But that doesn't mean you throw your whole life away for it. Some of that's temporary, sometimes that just happens in the moment and then disappears and you wonder If it could have been more. Sometimes It feels like this is the perfect person for you. But you've got to realize as a grown-up that this isn't Disneyland. You don't know a damn thing about this person and who they are, what they really believe in, how they'll treat you, what they'll feel for you, how compatible they are, what their values and morals are and If they even come close to aligning yours with theirs. A real relationship is not composed of just those initial emotions, that's just the superficial to a degree, or the intro If you will but not the whole story. So you have remind yourself of that, you don't really know this guy, these emotions aren't guaranteed and you can't make them permanent you actually have to have a relationship. But at the same time If you really want a relationship you don't just jump into some random guys arms and hope he'll treat you right and love you the way you've always wanted, that would be ridiculous, just because you feel intense emotions? intense emotions from what? you're not giving birth to a child or getting married, you're connecting with some random guy who could be a complete douchebag for all you know, you have no idea of who he is and what his past is. Deal with those emotions responsibly and recognize them, but don't be stupid over them. I think my biggest issue with women is why they are so trusting towards men when very few can be trusted. They'll lie to you to get what they want, they'll omit the truth, they'll say the things you want to hear...why? because you're like a puppy dog wagging your tail waiting for the guy to throw the ball and he can't resist, you're just making it too easy and begging for it! This guy took your for a ride, he just wanted to have a good time with you. If he was crazy about you then he'd have stuck around longer than one month, as a man you don't just meet a woman you're "crazy" about then fall out of it after one month. And If you had your eyes opened wider and took a step back you probably would have talked about real relationship factors and issues then maybe you would have found out this guys whole deal, you've got to be smart enough to figure these guys out and read between the lines, you can't just go on a whim because of what you're "feeling". Bottom line is it's not these guys that are doing it to you If this keeps happening, It's you doing it to yourself, you're creating this romance and fantasy and of course men are just going to go along or even try to instigate that...because they won't mind walking away If it "doesn't work out"...but trust me, guys know...when they break up with you or have a change of heart, they already know that from the beginning most of the time. Great post. I messed up in my last situation by not taking things more slowly and being more wary. The guy in question did do everything like a gentleman; he had noble intentions. He treated me like a girlfriend and did want a relationship with me. It's just that *I* had a change of heart about the situation; what was a great feeling to me in the beginning began to change (not quite that I didn't like him anymore -- I did, a lot -- but that I had uneasy feelings about some circumstances in the relationship). I should've kept things at a slower pace, explored what he was about more, how I felt about everything, and not just gone all in so passionately because of my feelings. My situation was pretty blameless, honestly, but slowing down needs to happen. A little more distrust. That doesn't need to be negative and cynical. Just wary and vigilant.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I think it's a sign of desperation, insecurity, and a fear of being alone. You want so badly to have a partner that you are "in love" (more or less) after one conversation!? C'mon. If this keeps happening, you are simply desperate! I think "desperate" is a little strong, but I do agree that if you're falling fast, it's because you're looking to the guy to complete you in some way, fill a void that's missing. This usually means you're going to get too dependent and needy in the relationship, which is a recipe for trouble. Work on becoming whole and complete on your own. This gives you tremendous freedom to enjoy all your relationships without putting undue pressure on them.
lilyblue Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 If I have an initial connection with a guy on our first meeting, I tend to fall very hard for the guy. This has happened for me my whole life. I just have these intense feelings. I work, make plans with other friends but these feelings are still there. It isn't love really, just like that I'm so happy. I think about the other person. My last dating relationship lasted about a month. We met online and then started texting until we decided to meet up one night. I actually just wanted to meet him to practice dating so that I wouldn't have these intense feelings, but then we just had this spark. Both of us went rather loopy. He said he was crazy for me. And I threw my plans to be reserved out the window. Now a month later he says that he doesn't have the same feelings as me. He doesn't want to force it. I accept that it is ended, however, I just feel rejected. Does this happen to everyone? I have a friend like this, who "connects" with everyone. It baffles me. Every time she goes out dancing, or to a bar, or on a first date, she finds someone she has a "connection" with. I'm pretty much the opposite, have rarely fallen hard and it becomes discouraging. I think there's something to be enjoyed about those feelings.
Author juliebijoux Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Ninjapajamas, I really liked your post. I think I'm going to save it as a file and re-read it anytime I get these feelings again. Even if I feel this intense connection, I have no idea about the guy or who he is until I really get to know him more. Also with this guy, I was reading between the lines last week, but I ignored my gut because he was so crazy about me in the beginning. lilyblue, it can be very enjoyable to have the intense feelings. It is definitely not love. I have loved before and it is not the same. It is almost like I have met my best friend and I want to do everything with them. Someone once told me it is because I am just more sensitive to others so I just feel a more intense connection more quickly? The problem is that I expressed these feelings too much with the last guy and he thought that I was falling in love with him. Of course after a month he said he didn't feel the same. I tried to explain that it wasn't love and he just thought I was backtracking. Today I am feeling better and yes I am sorry that he is not around anymore. I was discouraged because I just don't want to feel the pain every time I lose the strong connection. I think a happy medium between falling hard and feeling nothing is what I want to achieve.
Author juliebijoux Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 So I jumped back on the horse and I've dated 2 guys from OLD dating since my last "fall." I have a third date lined up as well. Out of those guys, I really have a connection (again) with one of them. This time though I am being smart about it. Well, as smart as I can. I am recognzing that these intense feelings are there, but that they are just feelings. It is helping because while I do message back and forth with the guy, I do not feel this extreme need to always be near him and have him respond to me. I also continually tell myself that while I feel this strong connection I know nothing about who this guy really is, I am just starting to learn about him. I want to learn more, but I can't just make up things in my head. As for the guy, he said that he is "impressed and excited by me" and that he is "interested in seeing what develops naturally if you would be up for that too." Although it made me melt a little when he first said these things, I am taking these words at face value. In the past I might of thought that he wants me to be his girlfriend and have a long-term future with me. Now I am taking it as that he wants to date me. 3
Author juliebijoux Posted March 4, 2012 Author Posted March 4, 2012 Jusitin, that makes a lot of sense. I've always had a very vivid imagination. Also when I used to play basketball I would go to a camp and part of it involved the mental aspect of sports. I felt it really helped improve my performance by getting me to relax. This is really helpful information because now if I feel myself start to fantasize about the future with the new guy then I can stop myself before I become too entrenched.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 That's good, and keep in mind that actions are much more telling than words. A lot of guys will say what they think you want to hear, or what they wish were true now -- but sometimes, those are just words. You're not going to know how much of the guy's story is fiction or elaboration (if any) until you spend some time really getting to know him.
Author juliebijoux Posted March 6, 2012 Author Posted March 6, 2012 Ruby Slippers, I totally agree. So when I start to have strong feelings from something he says, I go online and re-read all these wonderful posts to bring me back to a more realistic view of things. 1
FrustratedStandards Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 Honestly, I've never had this experience.
somedude81 Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 Honestly, I've never had this experience. Neither have I. Honestly, I thought I feel for girls rather fast. But first meeting, instant connection? Uh no.
theories_galore Posted March 7, 2012 Posted March 7, 2012 From a guy's perspective, I have the same problem, but to a lesser degree. I used to get attached real fast but have since learned better. Until recently. Hit it off with a woman and things just moved real fast. All of a sudden, things changed. It's a crappy feeling, so I know what you're going through. You live and you learn over and over again.
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