marco Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 here is the scenarios of our life together. things rolling around just fine, then a fight comes up, we say hurtful things to each other, i storm out of the house, i want to keep going and going but then i cool off. i start to think of the ways about her that i love so much. i think about her with someone else, i think how sweet she is to me, how much i know she loves an cares about me, about past events about things coming, all the things in our lives together that has made a couple for the past few years now. then i am cooled down and want to go home. i know she is still mad though and i should not expect her to be all loving and forgiving just because i have now cooled down myself. so eventually i do go home and of course we are pleasant to each other only till we both have processed everything then we come back to each other and all is well again, till the next time! we have a great relationship for the most part but we do fight and when we do it is usually harsh words on my part, she says i have a big mouth and i say things that are very hurtful to her and she wants to leave me for saying them too. so we go back and fourth and each time i want to leave her, but the main thing that keeps me here is the MEMORIES! the memories of all the fun we had, the things we have planned coming up, the laughter, the tears, everything that has made our relationship what it is today, them MEMORIES! the memories keep me here. it hurts so much to leave that all behind yet it hurts so much to stay and we both hurt. either way it seems to be a lost cause. i know i know go to therapy, but that is not always the answer to things and it seems to be pushed quite frequently on this board as does leaving the person. surely there must be someting ele one can do, i just do not know what it could be and i am looking for answers, anyone got any?
Karlise13 Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 I don't know...I think therapy has its good and bad points. How about practicing walking away BEFORE the hurtful things are said? When you feel yourself about to blow, say "I'm going to take some time to think this through before I say something stupid" My boyfriend and I have some fighting rules: We are not allowed to call each other 'stupid' or make disparaging remarks about intelligence. For one thing, it never has anything to do with the argument and we both find that extremely hurtful. We've agreed that certain words make the other person see red: "jerk" or "bitch" are not allowed in arguments. We do not throw or break things in the house. We do not damage each other's property. Period. We do not push or shove each other. We avoid phrases like 'You always...' or 'You never..." Statements like that are exaggerations. Always. As simplistic as it sounds, try hammering out your rules for a 'clean' fight. It can make a huge difference
Matilda Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 I agree stop saying hurtful things. Think about the things you are fighting about. Are they worth fighting about, and hurting each other over? This is not a contest you are trying to win, it is a relationship. Relationships are about caring and respect.
Recommended Posts