Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Why is it all on him? He DID. NOT. SAY. YES. YOU are interpreting his response as a YES. I certainly wouldn't interpret it as a yes, even with the discussion that you spend the night. Sounds to me like he was trying to gather information re: whether to meet up, and one of his deciding factors was whether he was going to get any one-on-one time with you. When he realized he wasn't, he wasn't interested in meeting up. Can't say I blame him, really. I think you're LOOKING for reasons to not like this guy. NO SG, I'm looking for reasons to spend time with him but he doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm trying to make an effort. It was selfish of him to ask me to spend the night when he knows I have work the next day. It was a selfish request.
kaylan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Was she talking about you? Lolz I hope not =P Never thought anyone every objected to the term. You can call me rooster
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Next time CALL him. Ask for a yes or no answer. He wanted sex but didn't want to go out. My best guess... I'm on a prepaid plan, he knows this. I have very little minutes and while he does call me, I told him it was better to text
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 NO SG, I'm looking for reasons to spend time with him but he doesn't seem to appreciate that I'm trying to make an effort. It was selfish of him to ask me to spend the night when he knows I have work the next day. It was a selfish request. What makes you think that he doesn't appreciate your effort (to have him be a third wheel? FWIW, *I* wouldn't appreciate it)? You just met this guy, and have only hung out twice, and you already have all these crazy expectations and expect him to read your mind and you're making assumptions about what something meant that didn't actually mean what you think. And now it's a selfish request for him to ask you to spend the night? Because you have to work the next day? Why is it that YOU don't "appreciate the effort" HE is making to have quality time with you? I'd be awfully confused if I were him. If it's so g'damn selfish for him to suggest you spend the night at his place because you have to work the next day, maybe you shouldn't be going out tonight?!?! I kinda think you're acting a little bratty, to be honest. 1
2sunny Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 HE should be asking YOU for a Saturday date at least by Wednesday of that week! But he didn't... Wich means he's not making the effort to make you his priority. He asked for a booty call. That's the bottom line.
2sunny Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I'm on a prepaid plan, he knows this. I have very little minutes and while he does call me, I told him it was better to text Big mistake! A person voice tells you everything a text can never convey. It takes one minute to call and convey a message that's sweet and thoughtful. Hearing his voice in response would tell you his CLEAR answer.
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 HE should be asking YOU for a Saturday date at least by Wednesday of that week! But he didn't... Wich means he's not making the effort to make you his priority. He asked for a booty call. That's the bottom line. Have you read her other threads about this guy? You cannot take things in a vacuum. People floor me sometimes.
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 If you're not outright telling me you're not coming to dinner I'm going to adsume you do want to meet me, otherwise why even suggest I also spent the night?Sounds to me like he was looking for repayment of time invested in dinner. Not liking the sounds of this at all. And after shutting down on you in a little temper tantrum when you refused to play, doesn't sound all that nice a guy. Like I said before, be wary with this guy.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 OP, I would be cautious about the 'spend the night thing' as well. But the 'dinner with friend' part just makes me go . Do you usually ask new dates out on meetings with friends? It could easily appear that you're trying to draw the lines between platonic boundaries and romantic interest here, and signalling to him that you're on the other side, by having a gf along for the date.
kaylan Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) I'm on a prepaid plan, he knows this. I have very little minutes and while he does call me, I told him it was better to text I thought I was the only one who still had to use prepaid minutes. Thank god someone else is in the club haha. I dont plan to stay in it for long though lolz I need my phone gps =P HE should be asking YOU for a Saturday date at least by Wednesday of that week! But he didn't... Wich means he's not making the effort to make you his priority. He asked for a booty call. That's the bottom line. Because Stone Cold said so? .....Tell me someone gets this joke? lol Edited February 26, 2012 by kaylan 2
2sunny Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Have you read her other threads about this guy? You cannot take things in a vacuum. People floor me sometimes. Sometimes I can't fathom why you intend to be so mean. Feeling superior while putting others down must be your goal. I CAN read! And I dont need you trying to make me feel like an idiot. You tend to do this to many - it's not attractive. It's just mean. You treating paper like you can demean her isn't nice either.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I'm on a prepaid plan, he knows this. I have very little minutes and while he does call me, I told him it was better to text How can you afford to live in NYC, but you can't afford to have a decent cell phone plan? Even so, there's still the option of using other peoples' cell phones. My cell phone has been cancelled for almost two weeks. Even so, I've got phones to help me communicate with my gf: friends, relatives, neighbors, coworkers, and random strangers can lone me cell phones. Your excuses for not wanting to call him are weak.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Sometimes I can't fathom why you intend to be so mean. Feeling superior while putting others down must be your goal. I CAN read! And I dont need you trying to make me feel like an idiot. You tend to do this to many - it's not attractive. It's just mean. You treating paper like you can demean her isn't nice either. You're overreacting. SG was simply pointing out you don't have all the facts, yet you're jumping to wild conclusions about this guy. She's not attacking you. She's just informing you you're grossly mistaken.
2sunny Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 You're overreacting. SG was simply pointing out you don't have all the facts, yet you're jumping to wild conclusions about this guy. She's not attacking you. She's just informing you you're grossly mistaken. Still doesn't explain her mean approach to paper cuts... Sg is consistent - ill give her that. And NONE of us have ALL the facts... As no one here is paper AND her date... Can't be two people at the same time. But we are all entitled to our opinions without someone ripping our head off.
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 You're overreacting. SG was simply pointing out you don't have all the facts, yet you're jumping to wild conclusions about this guy. She's not attacking you. Seriously. She's ripping my head off... says more about her than me!
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Still doesn't explain her mean approach to paper cuts... But we are all entitled to our opinions without someone ripping our head off. I'm being "mean" and "ripping heads off"? You can't be serious.
Titania22 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I am with Eternal Sunshine and 2sunny on this one. It sounds like he wants to get to the sex.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 What makes you think that he doesn't appreciate your effort (to have him be a third wheel? FWIW, *I* wouldn't appreciate it)? You just met this guy, and have only hung out twice, and you already have all these crazy expectations and expect him to read your mind and you're making assumptions about what something meant that didn't actually mean what you think. And now it's a selfish request for him to ask you to spend the night? Because you have to work the next day? Why is it that YOU don't "appreciate the effort" HE is making to have quality time with you? I'd be awfully confused if I were him. If it's so g'damn selfish for him to suggest you spend the night at his place because you have to work the next day, maybe you shouldn't be going out tonight?!?! I kinda think you're acting a little bratty, to be htonest. Now you're just being harsh. How is it right to spend the night with him on a work night? With dinner id only spent three hrs with my friend. Yes he is selfsh for suggesting i'd go back to hs place, we've only met each twice, I don't think that warrants we spend the nght together. The only reason id even slept the first night was because I had the day off the next day. That was an exception. To those who accuse me of having a prepaid money, I use virgin mobile. I have a monthly non contract plan which gives me 300 minutes a month with unlimited texting and web. If I use up all my mins before my next billing cycle I can't use my phone at all. I don't talk on the phone so much and I'm trying to save money right now, so I'm not paying for $80 for a phone plan.
maybealone Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Now you're just being harsh. How is it right to spend the night with him on a work night? With dinner id only spent three hrs with my friend. Yes he is selfsh for suggesting i'd go back to hs place, we've only met each twice, I don't think that warrants we spend the nght together. The only reason id even slept the first night was because I had the day off the next day. That was an exception. But did he know that? Did you explicitly tell him that spending the first night with him was an exception that was not going to happen again anytime soon, and was never, ever going to happen on a work night? If you had that conversation with him (an actual conversation, not through texting) and know he understood, and he still pushed you to spend the night, then yes, he was being selfish. If you did not have that conversation with him, I don't blame him for wanting to ask for it again, especially with the plans for the evening not including any one-on-one time with you. Also, a five-minute conversation here and there to firm up plans isn't going to eat up the five hours of minutes you have each month too quickly. I can see wanting to do most of your communicating through text, but I think voice communication is important, especially when just starting to date someone. Edited February 26, 2012 by maybealone 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 This sort of thing is exactly the reason why I think dating is confusing and a waste of time. So many people jumping to conclusions based on the smallest thing.
veggirl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Jeepers creepers. It's only been 2 dates and already drama? For everyone harping on him wanting her to spend the night, SHE ALREADY HAS. She did on the first date. So I don't think it's that wild of a suggestion. I would be kinda "wtf" if as a 3rd date a guy asked me to go to dinner with him and his friend. I really think you're both in the wrong here, but this whole thing is doomed anyway cause you're not attracted to him so better now than later I guess.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Paper, I think that if you really like this guy, you are going to have to kind of start over. As I said before, sleeping in his bed with him on the first date was a bad start, and no, NOT because of sex, lack of sex, or anything. It set a precedent. Trying to get him to hang out along with you and your girlfriend on the third date - another mistake. Begininning dating a new person needs some time invested to pay attention to each other, get to know each other, and communicate things that are important to you. You are throwing a LOT of complications into the mix right from the get-go. DO you like him, and do you want to see what might develop? Then settle down. Just date him. Do NOT go to his place or bring him to your place for overnights until / unless you are ready to have sex with him. Do NOT make complicated and confusing arrangements; if it's too difficult to date on a work night then wait for the weekend. All the information about your cell phone plan, your boss driving you and some other worker to work, not saying "no" automatically means "yes" - well, my head is kind of spinning and I can't imagine how you will be able to figure out whether there is any good connection between you and this guy with all of that swirling around in the mix. He might be a good match for you - he might not. He might be just in a hurry to get you in bed - he might also genuinely like you. If you don't settle down, pay attention and simplify, you will never know.
veggirl Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Yeah a dinner with your friend isn't really a date, it's more of something to do when you are more comfortable with one another and know each other better. I think if you truly are interested in this guy (are you?) then MmeCs sugg of starting over is on point.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Paper, I think that if you really like this guy, you are going to have to kind of start over. As I said before, sleeping in his bed with him on the first date was a bad start, and no, NOT because of sex, lack of sex, or anything. It set a precedent. Trying to get him to hang out along with you and your girlfriend on the third date - another mistake. Begininning dating a new person needs some time invested to pay attention to each other, get to know each other, and communicate things that are important to you. You are throwing a LOT of complications into the mix right from the get-go. DO you like him, and do you want to see what might develop? Then settle down. Just date him. Do NOT go to his place or bring him to your place for overnights until / unless you are ready to have sex with him. Do NOT make complicated and confusing arrangements; if it's too difficult to date on a work night then wait for the weekend. All the information about your cell phone plan, your boss driving you and some other worker to work, not saying "no" automatically means "yes" - well, my head is kind of spinning and I can't imagine how you will be able to figure out whether there is any good connection between you and this guy with all of that swirling around in the mix. He might be a good match for you - he might not. He might be just in a hurry to get you in bed - he might also genuinely like you. If you don't settle down, pay attention and simplify, you will never know. Mme. C, thanks for your response. I know this entire situation is causing a tailspin, and after some thought on things, I don't think I'm upset about him canceling so much as why he was only willing to come out to me if I went back with him. I mean just the way he worded everything, and refusing to understand I have work the next day is what bothers me. It makes him sound a little immature. My job is important to me. My boss literally drives an hour everyday to provide transportation for my coworkers and I, out of respect I cannot just tell him " oh, I can get in work tomorrow by myself". When I invited him to go out to dinner with my friend and I, I was doing in hopes of spending more time with him. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm making him meet my friend so she can evaluate him, I just want to spend time with both of them. I can see how it is a mistake now because in a way, I'm putting pressure on him. I don't know how to " date him". We are both very headstrong and even during our second date, we kind of got into an argument which ended in me walking away from him and him getting angry at me. The only thing I'm aware of is, he wants to see me and I, him. But while I'm trying to make an effort (especially with my work schedule) to give my free time to him, I feel like he's asking alot of me to accommodate him ( as with what happened).
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