flight1990 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months but were friends for a year or so before. About 6 months ago a guy friend of hers asked her out and she declined. Since then they have seen each other once, about 4 months ago. Well, this guy recently sent my girlfriend a message via facebook and they're planning on getting together to see each other soon. My girlfriend honestly doesn't see the problem in going out with him, but it does bother me. A lot. I feel like since we haven't been seeing each other that long I should be THE guy she wants to spend time with and don't get why she needs to see this other person. I trust her, but she has poor boundaries with other guys (ie. is very flirtatious, touchy, etc, but truly doesn't realize that she comes across that way). I already told her that it's still likely this guy has feelings for her, but that she should go if she wants to see him. Should I just forget about it and simmer in my own insecurity or is it worth bringing up again? Edited February 26, 2012 by flight1990
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I wouldn't be cool with that. Hell no. Tell her to break it off. You're hundred percent right for being uneasy with this date. 1
puresynphony Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 There is no need for her to see this other guy, if she cares for you or ur relationship, she will tell this other dik to take a hike. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be doing all he can to seduce her, espec if he likes her. I hate disrespectful dogs like that. ITS NOT ON MY MAN.
FitChick Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Why don't you suggest the two of you take this poor single guy out and try to find a girl for him? You are a couple, so act like one. Tell her you want to meet her friends. If this other guy is just a friend, he fits into that category, no? There is an expression: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." 1
puresynphony Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I'm sure he does not need to be taken by the hand and be given a woman. He can find his own woman, hes a man not a mouse fitchick.
make me believe Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I trust her, but she has poor boundaries with other guys (ie. is very flirtatious, touchy, etc, but truly doesn't realize that she comes across that way). Huuuuge red flag. She KNOWS what she is doing when she flirts with other guys & gets all touchy-feely with them. Come on. She does it on purpose because she likes the response and the attention. She is blatantly showing you that she values attention from other guys over you by blowing off your feelings about this. Would she be ok if you did the same thing? Flirted with girls, touched them, had loose boundaries, but claimed you didn't know how it was coming across? She would be ok with you spending time alone with a girl who you both know is interested in you?? Somehow I doubt it. You're dating somebody who need constant validation & attention from ALL guys, not just her boyfriend. It's up to you to decide if you want to put up with that or not. But her behavior is totally disrespectful to you & your relationship. 1
Author flight1990 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) Huuuuge red flag. She KNOWS what she is doing when she flirts with other guys & gets all touchy-feely with them. Come on. She does it on purpose because she likes the response and the attention. She is blatantly showing you that she values attention from other guys over you by blowing off your feelings about this. Would she be ok if you did the same thing? Flirted with girls, touched them, had loose boundaries, but claimed you didn't know how it was coming across? She would be ok with you spending time alone with a girl who you both know is interested in you?? Somehow I doubt it. You're dating somebody who need constant validation & attention from ALL guys, not just her boyfriend. It's up to you to decide if you want to put up with that or not. But her behavior is totally disrespectful to you & your relationship. I agree that it's disrespectful to me and that she enjoys the attention, but she has 0 relationship experience and this is kind of just how she is with guys. She really just doesn't get it. Consensus seems to be that I'm not crazy for feeling so uncomfortable with this. Any tips on how to bring it back up with her without coming across as controlling? Edited February 26, 2012 by flight1990
pie2 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Any tips on how to bring it back up with her without coming across as controlling? Just calmly suggest that you'd like to join her and her friend when they go out. And if she refuses, just let her know that you'll be free to go out with other ex-potential love interests without her as well. But if she does go through with it, I would seriously re-evaluate this relationship. She's being so disrespectful and foolish!
Jynxx Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Why don't you suggest the two of you take this poor single guy out and try to find a girl for him? You are a couple, so act like one. Tell her you want to meet her friends. If this other guy is just a friend, he fits into that category, no? There is an expression: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." I have to agree on this one. If someone tries to cockblock you, you don't argue with them or lower yourself to their level, you act as if it's your best buddy in the world who's just teasing you. If someone tries to steal your girl, introduce him to her, let her know all his positive points and tell them why they'd be such a great match. By showing fear or insecurity she knows you don't think you're a catch for her and that's a huge turnoff, so avoid that at all costs and do the exact opposite.
Author flight1990 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 I have to agree on this one. If someone tries to cockblock you, you don't argue with them or lower yourself to their level, you act as if it's your best buddy in the world who's just teasing you. If someone tries to steal your girl, introduce him to her, let her know all his positive points and tell them why they'd be such a great match. By showing fear or insecurity she knows you don't think you're a catch for her and that's a huge turnoff, so avoid that at all costs and do the exact opposite. I don't really want to play those games. I don't feel any need to meet this guy, and I would rather she not see him at all.
mixwell Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Huuuuge red flag. She KNOWS what she is doing when she flirts with other guys & gets all touchy-feely with them. Come on. She does it on purpose because she likes the response and the attention. She is blatantly showing you that she values attention from other guys over you by blowing off your feelings about this. Would she be ok if you did the same thing? Flirted with girls, touched them, had loose boundaries, but claimed you didn't know how it was coming across? She would be ok with you spending time alone with a girl who you both know is interested in you?? Somehow I doubt it. You're dating somebody who need constant validation & attention from ALL guys, not just her boyfriend. It's up to you to decide if you want to put up with that or not. But her behavior is totally disrespectful to you & your relationship. Wow took the words outta my mouth.. Dude one of the best sayings I've taken to heart is "Actions speak louder than words" It's simple but dude I'd be inclined to act cool but I think makemebelieve is spot on on the evaluation of your post. The way I'd see it is like "Well if I'm not interesting or stimulating enough that you want to hang out with someone else then Fk you".. I don't know how old you are bro but it sounds like what your chick is doing is quite immature.. Sounds like she wants to be validated like makeme said.. It's pretty childish and lame in my opinion. I ASSume she's anywhere from 19-22yr old because I've dated younger chicks (I'm 28) but they've pulled this crap on me before.. She could be tryin to make you jealous to add (in a negative way) value to herself which is the wrong way about it. If I were in your situation I'd say okay if you want to hang out then go for it but I would let it be a "actions speak louder than words" and try to act indifferent to her for a while or pull the same crap on her. Dude not even that.. on the real... if a chick did that to me i would totally push her away and tell her to go hang out with this guy.. IMO I think I have a lot to offer and I won't settle for 2nd best. IF she hangs out with this dude it shows her "actions speak louder than words" and I would probably push her away or just drop her ass 1
norajane Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months but were friends for a year or so before. About 6 months ago a guy friend of hers asked her out and she declined. Since then they have seen each other once, about 4 months ago. Well, this guy recently sent my girlfriend a message via facebook and they're planning on getting together to see each other soon. My girlfriend honestly doesn't see the problem in going out with him, but it does bother me. A lot. I feel like since we haven't been seeing each other that long I should be THE guy she wants to spend time with and don't get why she needs to see this other person. I trust her, but she has poor boundaries with other guys (ie. is very flirtatious, touchy, etc, but truly doesn't realize that she comes across that way). I already told her that it's still likely this guy has feelings for her, but that she should go if she wants to see him. Should I just forget about it and simmer in my own insecurity or is it worth bringing up again? Why weren't you honest with her at the time? Definitely bring this up with her! Right now, she doesn't know how much this is bothering you. You didn't tell her it bothered you, a lot. You told her she should go see him. Be honest with her! Tell her you've been thinking about it, and you're uncomfortable with the idea of them getting together, and are uncomfortable with the thought of another man going out with her and flirting with her. Tell her you want to be the guy who takes her out and flirts with her. Ask her why she wants to see him, and ask her if she'll consider canceling their get together. Tell her that you'd be happier if she canceled. If she chooses not to cancel, then you have to give this more thought. But at least she'll know that it bothers you, a lot, before she meets him. Give her a chance to understand how much this is troubling you now, so she can take your real thoughts and feelings about this into account.
bikinibeach Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 She's weighing her options. Take yourself off the menu. She's also **** testing you to see what you will put up with. DUMP her ass!!!!!
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I trust her, but she has poor boundaries with other guys (ie. is very flirtatious, touchy, etc, but truly doesn't realize that she comes across that way). I already told her that it's still likely this guy has feelings for her, but that she should go if she wants to see him. Should I just forget about it and simmer in my own insecurity or is it worth bringing up again?No, you don't trust her and I don't blame you for it with her poor boundaries. Suggest that you join them and see how she reacts. Her reaction should tell you how you should be perceiving and acting on or not, the scenario.
NXS Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I agree that it's disrespectful to me and that she enjoys the attention, but she has 0 relationship experience and this is kind of just how she is with guys. She really just doesn't get it. Consensus seems to be that I'm not crazy for feeling so uncomfortable with this. Any tips on how to bring it back up with her without coming across as controlling? You are basically dealing with a child here who has no boundaries so you need to set the boundaries. There's no way of doing this without getting a negative reaction, so you just allow her to have a negative reaction and hold firm. Tell her straight out you don't want her going, that she has poor boundaries and that the guy is going to try and come onto her. That in order for your relationship to develope that she needs to be respectful of what you want. So what if it comes across as controlling? People try and control each other all the time, it's part of life and as she's acting like a child she'll respect you for it.
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