mike588 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Seven months ago my ex, g/f dumped me for her ex. I went strict No Contact believing I'd never hear from her again and went thru all the heartbreak that come with a b/u. At around the 5th month I'd finally let go..I seldom though of her anymore ..it didn't bother me anymore and it felt sooo good. Last month out of the blue she emails me a short...I'm sorry...hope your ok blah blah blah and I didn't respond. It set me back a step but recovered quickly. Last Sat. night she left a note on my front door saying again she was so sorry....regrets hurting me...I was so good to her...and said that she had to get that off her chest and so on but didn't mention anything about wanting to get back together or wanting to talk etc. For some reason that note really bothered me...it brought back all the good times but also all the pain. I finally responded with an email (wish I wouldn't of now) thanking her for the email but also reminding her how much she hurt me...what she meant to me but didn't go balistic on her with any you this and you that stuff. Well that email to her was Thursday and every time I check my mail now I get really freaked...almost hoping she will respond back but also hoping she doesn't. When I first heardfrom her well....I won't lie..for just a minute or two I was hoping/wondering if she wanted to "try it again" but know deep down it would be a bad decision on my part. I'm assueming now that all she wanted to do was to rid her herself..her heart of the guilt she has been carrying around inside her...she dumped me in a terrible way...that's a different story. If she wanted to "try it again I'm sure she would of responded by now to my email? Yeah I know it's only been a few days but if you want someone back and that person responds....email ..text other to your contact I think you/they would jump at the opportunity right away. So to all of you...if your ex.contacts you down the road don't assume that he/she wants you back...maybe they do maybe they don't...if they don't it's best that they just leave you alone. To the dumper this may seem like no big deal....contacting us...but to us dumpees it is a big deal...it stirs up all the emotions/hurt again..gives you a false sense of hope only to be disappointed/hurt again.
Dragonsden Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think if I were in your situation and she left a note on my front door, I would ask her "to leave me the **** alone ... I am happier now than I ever was with her".
Author mike588 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Mike most times an ex contacts you they DON'T want you back. Sometimes they have unresolved guilt. Remember most people are not bad hearted people. If they behave badly, many times they just want to alleviate their own guilt. It is of course very selfish. The dumper should leave the dumpee alone. If they feel guilty they should just promise themselves never to behave that badly again. There is no need to mess with the dumpee's head. Dumpers are very clever at getting a dumpee to break NC. They play on their heart strings, try every tactic they know. Like smoking out an enemy. A dumpee needs to block a dumper so that there progress is never set back. If a dumper wants a dumpee back let them earn it the VERY hard way. Mountains need to be moved. If you block a dumper and they really want you back, they will move heaven and hurt to find their way back to you. Most times as I said they don't want you back. Even if she did want you back she cheated on you. She simply can't be trusted...All this has done is set you back. You need to finally leave go and love on. Let your reply to her be the end (even if she replies back). She cheated on you Mike. She is not special... Yep your right. I regret finally responding to her.When she said...I needed to get that off my chest....well I said the same thing back to her about how awful it was the way she dumped me....but then again she knew that..thats probably she contacted me. Don't get me wrong...I'm NOT back at square one...I'm not devestated all over again...No Boo Hooing..nothing like that....it just troubled me for a day or two and I'm almost back to where I was. I didn't leave the door open for her...I didn't pour my heart out to her or anything and ended it with..Good Luck. I think it's normal for anyone of us to have that moment of..."wow she /he wants me back"....everything will be better this time after hoping..praying..dreaming for that to happen after the b/u. I stumbled by responding to her...but not again! Edited February 25, 2012 by mike588
Author mike588 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Mike most times an ex contacts you they DON'T want you back. Sometimes they have unresolved guilt. Remember most people are not bad hearted people. If they behave badly, many times they just want to alleviate their own guilt. It is of course very selfish. The dumper should leave the dumpee alone. If they feel guilty they should just promise themselves never to behave that badly again. There is no need to mess with the dumpee's head. Dumpers are very clever at getting a dumpee to break NC. They play on their heart strings, try every tactic they know. Like smoking out an enemy. A dumpee needs to block a dumper so that there progress is never set back. If a dumper wants a dumpee back let them earn it the VERY hard way. Mountains need to be moved. If you block a dumper and they really want you back, they will move heaven and hurt to find their way back to you. Most times as I said they don't want you back. Even if she did want you back she cheated on you. She simply can't be trusted...All this has done is set you back. You need to finally leave go and love on. Let your reply to her be the end (even if she replies back). She cheated on you Mike. She is not special... What you said about her cheating on me made me think of something...when we 1st started dating she told me many times how he (her ex.. now b/f) became cold and distant towards her...he didn't give her the sex she wanted/needed......Hummmm wonder why..she probably cheated on him too wouldn't that be "normal behavior" if you know your partner cheated on you. Yeah..she has issues...serious issues and I should be sooo happy she's out of my life!
M2155 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Mike! What happened to leaving it at thanks but I don't want to be friends? . (This is why I would have just declined the FB friend request in the first place saying I didn't wish to be friends). Well for what it's worth, at least now she knows WHY you have ignored her which she probably suspected and felt bad about. She wouldn't have asked if she never cared at all and now probably doesn't have any good reason to contact you again. I'm sorry it's a setback but at least you KNOW she's not the one for you at this time in your life so your hopes were not up too much. Let this one go buddy.
CaliBabe Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Mike i feel your pain. My ex did the same thing to me 3 months ago. Said he wanted to talk and then never did. Set me back a few steps. I am still trying to recover and I wonder why he reached out in the first place and asked if we could talk and never follow through? Next time this happens, I will not respond.
Author mike588 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 Mike! What happened to leaving it at thanks but I don't want to be friends? . (This is why I would have just declined the FB friend request in the first place saying I didn't wish to be friends). Well for what it's worth, at least now she knows WHY you have ignored her which she probably suspected and felt bad about. She wouldn't have asked if she never cared at all and now probably doesn't have any good reason to contact you again. I'm sorry it's a setback but at least you KNOW she's not the one for you at this time in your life so your hopes were not up too much. Let this one go buddy. She didn't ask to be friends in her emails or note...Yeah I now wish I would of just would of responded with...Thanks for the email..note glad your enjoying the blooms on the plants. (Thats how she started the note...with..The plants you planted are blooming) Overall I did pretty good during these 6....7 months...one slip up isn't to bad.lol.
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