casey001 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Hey all Ive got a bit of a dilema in my current relationship that im hoping to get an outsiders point of view on. Before I met the guy I was dating now I was really lonely and miserable. Everyone else had a steady relationship and I seemed to get involved time after time with people who had great personalities but they would treat me badly, cheat on me and ultimetly really end up hurting me etc Anyway I met my current bf at a bar of all places. We have been together for about 9 months. He treats me like a princess. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am, tells me how much he loves me, always buys me flowers, tells me he wants to be with me forever and marry me,basically he would do anything for me. In this respect he is like the dream guy. However ....... There seems almost to be another side to him I dont see. The problem that seems to be arising is that none of my friends, or even most people in general, like him. My friends, and even randoms we have just met in a social situation, all comment that he is quite arrogant and rude. My friends dont like to hang out with him at all and constantly tell me I can do so much better. His current flatmate packed up and moved out after living with him for just one week as he was so 'arrogant, loud and annoying'. He got fired at his old job as no-one liked him and one of the girls commented everyone hated him as we was arrogant and annoying. But he is never like this with me!!! My friends and him dont even talk anymore and it makes things difficult Secondly (my own issue here) education and ambition is super important to me. I went to uni and studied for 5 years and am working my way up the job market and at the moment am in quite a well paid job with lots of further ambition. My partner works in a job where he earns minimun wage. That is fine for now but he is really happy with that and has no ambition to move up in the job world. He works nights and I work days so I hardly ever see him. I earn triple what he does and he has no desire to earn more. I worry about the future and always relying on my wage. We would not be able to cope if I had kids and we had to live on his wage. Anyway ..... basically I want to know if anyone has any advice on what to do!! I dont want to be stuck with a guy everyone dislikes and would make me struggle financially. But when we see each other (only once or twice a week with the hours we work) he treats me like a princess. Im worried if I react to everyone else's reactions of him I will never find a guy who treats me like that again and go back to being alone and miserable. Help!!
TheFinalWord Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I dont want to be stuck with a guy everyone dislikes and would make me struggle financially. ! Well I think you've answered your own question there Secondly, I think the notion that without a man you are lonely and miserable is clouding your judgment. So it's not just him that has issues, you also have an issue where you will continue in a relationship with a man that you don't see worthy of long-term investment. But you'll do it b/c you can't bare being "alone AND miserable". If you have a healthy mentality you life single should be "alone AND great". And only alone in the sense you don't have an SO, not that you have no friends or people that care about you; which it sounds like you have. I don't think you're ready for a committed relationship whether it's with this guy or any other guy, regardless of how much he makes. A committed relationship should complement your life, not define your life. You life should not be "miserable" if you have a good job and make good money. You life should be good as a single, and a solid mate would be icing on the cake. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck!
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I have a problem with guys giving women the princess treatment...not because there's an issue with treating a woman well but It seems overboard...almost as If you are lying about something or have something to hide so you go over the top in compensation of gratitude and compliments...almost like I did something wrong and feel guilty about it so I'm trying to keep you happy. Something tells me from what you've said about this guy not to trust him, he doesn't seem like a genuine guy...I don't believe genuine people act in that way, I think they're a little overwhelmed with their emotions and cautious and really do more than they say, and not just flowers but more significant things. But that will have to be for you to judge, I don't know If you completely trust him but a guy who is arrogant and rude that just so happens to choose one person to treat like a princess but everyone else unlikeable...seems very suspicious If you would ask me, from what I know about men, I feel like part of this story is missing. Anyhow, from just your perspective I think your experiences in the past have made you vulnerable to any kind of gracious and attentive treatment. I'm not sure why their personalities mattered more in the past than the way they treated you but it leads me to believe you have a way of viewing things that aren't necessarily the reality. And I think you may too appreciative of this guys treatment than just of who he is as a person, after all there's a lot of factors that come into play with who will make a good long-term partner, I get the feeling this guy may just have been someone you were vulnerable to at the time and maybe fulfilled those needs to be desired and treated well. Ultimately you've got to be able to stand on your own two feet and not really on a man to make you feel valued and desired. Because when you live like that men matter way too much and you'll never really have a good grasp of what you're getting yourself into and then you'll end up with a guy for all the wrong reasons. I'd rather have you confident and able to make unbiased decisions due to your insecurities than basing your decisions off of them. You need to find that strength within yourself, or you'll always be a victim to your greatest weaknesses and that's not living If you ask me. I would say to trust your friends, I'm sure they have valid reasons for feeling this way. Friends are people that know you well and they can see this guy unbiasedly, I don't think It's their intention to see you unhappy and If they felt like this guy was good for you I'm sure they would be onboard. Being as insecure as you are, you should probably rely on their judgment If they have always been there for you and you feel they want the best for you. It is ultimately your decision to be with this man though, If you sincerely love him and you feel he sincerely loves you and that's all you feel you need then that's your decision to continue on. However I don't get the sense of that here and I don't think you would be with this guy If you were using better judgment. I don't get the impression he's the one for you, despite you saying how great he treats you...I'm not really buying the value of that in the relationship although it sounds good on paper or when you reflect on it.
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