zengirl Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Improving quality is subjective. What I would love to do is if somebody told me to do X then Y would happen. I know. You want life to be transactional. You want guaranteed results for putting in any effort. Newsflash: LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! It is a childish viewpoint, really. Most people outgrow that viewpoint in their teens, honestly (it's actually listed on my developmental chart when teenagers begin to understand that the world is not transactional). You need to get over it if you ever want success in this world. People have given you TONS of advice for taking various roads (superficial or non) and you just say why you can't do any of it. That's because you want a guarantee, and there is NONE. That's because you're still obsessed with D, and she's NEVER going to date you. But, make no mistake, the person keeping you unhappy is you. 4
xxoo Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 It is a childish viewpoint, really. Most people outgrow that viewpoint in their teens, honestly (it's actually listed on my developmental chart when teenagers begin to understand that the world is not transactional). You need to get over it if you ever want success in this world. Yes, true, and maybe something for you (SD) to address with a counselor. I'm not that much older than you, SD, but I'd be frustrated if my kid had that attitude at 20. You need to get out there and risk failure in order to succeed. Successful people don't fail less. They try more. Famous People Who Found Success Despite Failures Quote of Michael Jordan (who was cut from his high school bb team!): “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Get out there and take a risk! Love this: “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” – Japanese proverb 2
somedude81 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I know. You want life to be transactional. You want guaranteed results for putting in any effort. Newsflash: LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! It is a childish viewpoint, really. Most people outgrow that viewpoint in their teens, honestly (it's actually listed on my developmental chart when teenagers begin to understand that the world is not transactional). You need to get over it if you ever want success in this world. I know the world doesn't work like that. The only reason I said it is because I'm tired of putting in work and getting nothing. I thought something was bound to happen by now. But no, nothing is different from when I really first tried to step up my game seven years ago.
ThaWholigan Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I know the world doesn't work like that. The only reason I said it is because I'm tired of putting in work and getting nothing. I thought something was bound to happen by now. But no, nothing is different from when I really first tried to step up my game seven years ago. How have you tried to step up your game?
somedude81 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 How have you tried to step up your game? Work out, improve my style, force myself to be more sociable, talk to women when the situation allows, not wait so long to ask out girls, say more of what's on my mind vs. being quiet, don't be afraid to tease and joke around. There's more that I can't think of now. Until I was about 23, I was super quiet and didn't really talk to anybody except my friends. I've never even had a female friend by that point and conversations I've had with girls were very rare and brief.
zengirl Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I know the world doesn't work like that. The only reason I said it is because I'm tired of putting in work and getting nothing. I thought something was bound to happen by now. But no, nothing is different from when I really first tried to step up my game seven years ago. And the answer is: you haven't done nearly enough. Look at all the list of suggestions---of things you HAVEN'T done---that even internet strangers can easily come up with.
Meeks7 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Somedude, you didn't reply to my post. (#274) Please let me know, because my friend is waiting for me to reply to her. She is very serious about sending a professional friend of hers to come see you, for free. Please reply.
RedRobin Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I think we are all enabling SD and Verhzn to avoid getting a life. If we stop posting to them, will they stop obsessing and finally do something? Seems like the threads themselves are the end game for both of them at this point. both of them are really good at getting responses on LS. Maybe they can channel that skill into getting responses from people IRL. Seriously.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I think we are all enabling SD and Verhzn to avoid getting a life. I think Verhzn is actually making some head way, It seems like she has become more receptive to what people are saying. She's taking stuff with a grain of salt and then mulling it over(the correct way to interpret LS advice IMO). It will take time and continued hard work, but I think she will eventually get back on track.
somedude81 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Somedude, you didn't reply to my post. (#274) Please let me know, because my friend is waiting for me to reply to her. She is very serious about sending a professional friend of hers to come see you, for free. Please reply. I'm sorry, please tell her I'm not interested at this time.
Teknoe Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I think we are all enabling SD to avoid getting a life. If we stop posting to him, will he stop obsessing and finally do something? Seems like the threads themselves are the end game for him at this point. he's really good at getting responses on LS. Maybe he can channel that skill into getting responses from people IRL. Seriously. I said this last year. I don't think LS is inherently a bad place, but the way SD81 is using it, it is. It's clearly a substitute for him for real life companionship and experience. All he does is ask the same ?'s over and over again hoping for some magic pill formula, guaranteeing results. It's the same 1 trick pony show with him time in, time out. It's clear to most level-headed LS posters that SD is just using this place to distract himself from actual self-improvement. He craves the attn he gets here. The sad thing is, there is ZERO accountability. With the internet he gets all the joys of being heard and responded to, but he also gets the satisfaction of NO accountability and being able to ignore any advice he wishes (which is just about all) At some point it's just... you know he'll never improve unless he has a divine intervention. It's come to that...
Meeks7 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm sorry, please tell her I'm not interested at this time. OK, I will let her know. But can I ask you a question? This is what you wrote not 48 hours ago: What I absolutely need though is somebody I can talk to in real life. "Absolutely need." An opportunity was presented to you for THAT WHICH you seek, to the tee. Yet you just replied: I'm sorry, please tell her I'm not interested at this time. The question is why are you not interested at this time? I'm confused. You said you absolutely need someone to talk to in real life. I just provided someone IN THE PROFESSION of helping out people process their thoughts and feelings, FOR FREE, and you just said no. If I were drowning, I'd want someone to throw me a rope. It doesn't make sense for me to be drowning, help comes along and I deny the rope. You asked for a want (talking to someone in real life face to face), and you were given an opportunity. Why are you not taking it?
zengirl Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I think Verhzn is actually making some head way, It seems like she has become more receptive to what people are saying. She's taking stuff with a grain of salt and then mulling it over(the correct way to interpret LS advice IMO). It will take time and continued hard work, but I think she will eventually get back on track. I actually agree with this. And V hasn't been on these boards for very long. If she's here a year and in the same place, I'd say it's pointless. I think V is one of those people who comes here to bounce ideas around --- I don't think the people on LS (myself included) always give great advice or are any substitute for a support system or therapy or anything like that but I don't think it's a bad place to bounce around ideas, as long as you keep in mind a lot of them will turn out to be crap. That's how brainstorming works. But it's a first step. 1
somedude81 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 OK, I will let her know. But can I ask you a question? This is what you wrote not 48 hours ago: "Absolutely need." An opportunity was presented to you for THAT WHICH you seek, to the tee. Yet you just replied: The question is why are you not interested at this time? I'm confused. You said you absolutely need someone to talk to in real life. I just provided someone IN THE PROFESSION of helping out people process their thoughts and feelings, FOR FREE, and you just said no. If I were drowning, I'd want someone to throw me a rope. It doesn't make sense for me to be drowning, help comes along and I deny the rope. You asked for a want (talking to someone in real life face to face), and you were given an opportunity. Why are you not taking it? I want to have some level of comfort and trust with a person before I start bearing my soul. Also I don't think I'm completely out of options yet. Lastly I think I need more than just talk therapy a bit of a dating coach also feels necessary.
PlumPrincess Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 OK, I will let her know. But can I ask you a question? This is what you wrote not 48 hours ago: "Absolutely need." An opportunity was presented to you for THAT WHICH you seek, to the tee. Yet you just replied: The question is why are you not interested at this time? I'm confused. You said you absolutely need someone to talk to in real life. I just provided someone IN THE PROFESSION of helping out people process their thoughts and feelings, FOR FREE, and you just said no. If I were drowning, I'd want someone to throw me a rope. It doesn't make sense for me to be drowning, help comes along and I deny the rope. You asked for a want (talking to someone in real life face to face), and you were given an opportunity. Why are you not taking it? You guys don't get it. He does not ask for help or advice in order to improve his situation. He wants confirmation that his life sucks and that he's a victim.
Meeks7 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 You guys don't get it. He does not ask for help or advice in order to improve his situation. He wants confirmation that his life sucks and that he's a victim. I'm sorta new and so I don't yet know all the LS posters on here. However, I think I'm starting to get a sense of who somedude81 is. I want to have some level of comfort and trust with a person before I start bearing my soul. Also I don't think I'm completely out of options yet. Lastly I think I need more than just talk therapy a bit of a dating coach also feels necessary. Sorry, but this just sounds like excuses on top of excuses. I just told my girl friend what you said and she said the same thing. She said this "Hmm, it sounds like he doesn't really want to change, or, he's just scared to go through the necessary efforts in order to change. I've dealt with lots of people like this in real life. It's sad. They claim they want to improve, but deep down they're so hurt that they don't know any other way to live but to continue in their own self-fulfilling misery." Somedude81, a man full of excuses or reasons not to try something will never get better.
somedude81 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 Sorry, but this just sounds like excuses on top of excuses. I just told my girl friend what you said and she said the same thing. She said this "Hmm, it sounds like he doesn't really want to change, or, he's just scared to go through the necessary efforts in order to change. I've dealt with lots of people like this in real life. It's sad. They claim they want to improve, but deep down they're so hurt that they don't know any other way to live but to continue in their own self-fulfilling misery." Somedude81, a man full of excuses or reasons not to try something will never get better. That's actually very insightful. I think I need to take a nap, my head is killing me.
verhrzn Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 I'm sorta new and so I don't yet know all the LS posters on here. However, I think I'm starting to get a sense of who somedude81 is. Sorry, but this just sounds like excuses on top of excuses. I just told my girl friend what you said and she said the same thing. She said this "Hmm, it sounds like he doesn't really want to change, or, he's just scared to go through the necessary efforts in order to change. I've dealt with lots of people like this in real life. It's sad. They claim they want to improve, but deep down they're so hurt that they don't know any other way to live but to continue in their own self-fulfilling misery." Somedude81, a man full of excuses or reasons not to try something will never get better. Does your friend help out other females at all?
Meeks7 Posted March 1, 2012 Posted March 1, 2012 That's actually very insightful. I think I need to take a nap, my head is killing me. Whenever you feel "is the right time" for you to have someone come listen to you, let me know. The offer is open to you at anytime, especially since her friend lives in Socal. Yes, change IS scary. But if you keep backing your life on excuses, clauses and "I'll do it tomorrow" -- things likely will never change for you. This is a universal truth. At some point you just have to sock it to your fears and insecurities and say "YES, I'M GOING TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP." I can tell you this. If you do see my friend's friend, I guarantee you that you can ONLY GO UP. You won't get any worse. And you just MIGHT improve with some additional insights. It's all free. I don't know what you're waiting for but I also understand life is about timing. Whenever you're ready to meet my friend's friend, hit me up. The meeting would, of course, be at a public coffee shop in broad daylight in Socal, FREE of charge. Does your friend help out other females at all? What city do you live in?
Meeks7 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 somedude81, My friend sent me another reply after I explained a bit more about what I know about you... i.e. how you're obsessed with finding a GF and how negative your thoughts/posts are. I also believe I read somewhere you've never experienced having a GF before? So I told her that you've never had a GF before and here is her reply as long as he's telling himself negative thoughts, it will be truth to him. whatever he tells himself enough times, he'll start believing. maybe he can ask his friends why they think he's never had a girlfriend and have him be ready for some hard truths and be ready to make some changes. if he's not changing, nothing in his life is going to change. but his issues are much deeper than that. i really hope he'll take me on my offer to send one of my friends over to listen and speak with him. but as it is with people who struggle with depression and negative thoughts, one universal truth is they will only change by how badly they inwardly desire it. until then, don't be surprised if he never gets back to you. sometimes some people just get too comfortable in their ruts. they go on quietly suffering for the rest of their lives, with no breakthroughs. just because they never really try, like, sincerely try. it's sad, but i've seen it happen all the time. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 ^Now I really don't want to end up like SD one day.
Meeks7 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 ^Now I really don't want to end up like SD one day. Somedude81 doesn't have to, either! But he's got a choice to make. And ONLY HE can make that choice. Somedude81, are you going to continue to wallow in your own self-pity, act like a victim and cry uncle on trying different means to get healthy? Or, are you going to take a stand for your own life? A good start would be saying YES to my friend, and allowing one of her Socal friends, who is in the business of helping hurting people heal, come sit and meet you, hear you out, offer insights on a life they've already traveled down. You may gain some insights that may blow your mind. But if you keep on doing what you're doing on here and in real life, you will never get better. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.
PlumPrincess Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Somedude81 doesn't have to, either! But he's got a choice to make. And ONLY HE can make that choice. Somedude81, are you going to continue to wallow in your own self-pity, act like a victim and cry uncle on trying different means to get healthy? Or, are you going to take a stand for your own life? A good start would be saying YES to my friend, and allowing one of her Socal friends, who is in the business of helping hurting people heal, come sit and meet you, hear you out, offer insights on a life they've already traveled down. You may gain some insights that may blow your mind. But if you keep on doing what you're doing on here and in real life, you will never get better. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. He whines on and one and then someone offers his help and he rejects it. Why is nobody offering me coaching? I would take it!
gaius Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Why is nobody offering me coaching? I would take it! You don't fake it good enough!
RedRobin Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Forgive me if you've provided this information earlier. Does your friend have professional credentials as a therapist? I think it is extremely important for SD's first baby-steps out of isolation to be reassured he is going to a safe place. Having professional credentials is important. After my divorce, I sought out all of the resources available from my university (both individual and group therapy). SD... this is FREE to you as well. As a student (you are in school, right?) you would have access to a wide variety of mental health professionals.
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