Dating sucks...

[verhrzn]

SD, if you think you can train yourself to not 'act' superficial and fool people, it probably won't happen. Especially not with women who value character and personality---a high degree of superficiality is one of the easiest character flaws to see.

 

Also: Appreciating beauty is not superficial in and of itself, and many women like to be appreciated for their beauty and like men who can appreciate beauty (beauty and hotness are not exactly synonymous, of course, but sometimes they are similar).

 

Superficiality is evident in the way you view the world. I'm not sure if you hit on a stranger, if she'd immediately know if you were superficial (really depends on who she is), but since you don't hit on strangers, I'm quite sure by the time a girl has spent a little time with you, she realizes this about you, whether she can verbalize it or not as superficiality. Of course, plenty of women don't care about superficiality. . . but they're generally women who are superficial. So, either get hotter or build better character or stay miserable; that's life.

 

I would say most superficial people are self-absorbed. Most unsuccessful superficial people who are self-absorbed are miserable. The easiest way to become more happy is to broaden yourself to include more depth, pay less attention to your self, and so forth. I don't think all superficial people are miserable or that it is necessarily 'evil' or 'bad' to be superficial. I do think most superficial people are going to be miserable if they don't have a fair degree of ease in success with such things---they simply lack the character to deal with failure in a positive and productive way.

 

Agree with this. And for the record, no one is bombing you for your superficial attitude... We are bombing you for your hypocritical attitude, just as Mme. Chauncer pointed out.

 

You want to continue to be superficial (you ask how to 'fake' being superficial, not how to stop BEING superficial) but you get angry with women have the same standards.

 

Feel free to keep your attitude about how attractive a woman should be as an 'option,' but then also realize that your choices will either be to 1) wait a very long time to find a person who embraces your superficial nature, is hot enough to meet your standards, AND isn't superficial enough to reject you or 2) charge in the canon's mouth and find her (aka, FACE REJECTION.)

 

I swear to God, in your shoes, I could do so much. Knock off the insane repetition of self-deprecation and go ask girls out. It is SO easy, and yet you refuse to do it. It's baffling.

[Teknoe]

SD, if you think you can train yourself to not 'act' superficial and fool people, it probably won't happen. Especially not with women who value character and personality---a high degree of superficiality is one of the easiest character flaws to see.

 

Also: Appreciating beauty is not superficial in and of itself, and many women like to be appreciated for their beauty and like men who can appreciate beauty (beauty and hotness are not exactly synonymous, of course, but sometimes they are similar).

 

Superficiality is evident in the way you view the world. I'm not sure if you hit on a stranger, if she'd immediately know if you were superficial (really depends on who she is), but since you don't hit on strangers, I'm quite sure by the time a girl has spent a little time with you, she realizes this about you, whether she can verbalize it or not as superficiality. Of course, plenty of women don't care about superficiality. . . but they're generally women who are superficial. So, either get hotter or build better character or stay miserable; that's life.

 

I would say most superficial people are self-absorbed. Most unsuccessful superficial people who are self-absorbed are miserable. The easiest way to become more happy is to broaden yourself to include more depth, pay less attention to your self, and so forth. I don't think all superficial people are miserable or that it is necessarily 'evil' or 'bad' to be superficial. I do think most superficial people are going to be miserable if they don't have a fair degree of ease in success with such things---they simply lack the character to deal with failure in a positive and productive way. Granted, previously superficial often DO develop character during hardship (that's a standard trope, but it is true in life).

 

 

Beautiful post. Lots of truth in it.

 

Problem with SD is he suffers from having a distorted view of reality (i.e. lacking social cues, being delusional) and is more focused on learning shortcut "tricks" on how to fake having good characters versus having good character, period, whether anyone is around or not.

 

He's in constant denial and constantly defending who he is or who he isn't here on LoveShack. My gosh, can you imagine if he would only divert that energy on actually... improving himself in real life? He'd be further along than he realizes...

 

The irony is... when you start to acknowledge who you are, and all your strengths and weaknesses... is when actual change can happen.

[zengirl]

Ways I can tell men are superficial include: the way they approach me, the way they speak to me, the questions they ask (or don't ask), the other women they've dated, the way they look at me, etc. There are so many millions of different variations, it would be impossible to list them all. If I could observe one, I could describe that particular instance, but not list ALL the possible ways.

 

FTR, I am a hot girl. Maybe not everyone's first choice (people have types, sure), but I'm pretty attractive. Superficial men would be attracted to me for superficial reasons and many have been. It's pretty easy to tell the difference between a guy who already has interest in me (because I'm hot and that's what matters) and a guy who just talks to women to see if they are really and truly attractive to him, internally as well as externally. It's not in the time they take to get to know you or exactly what they say --- it's in the whole dynamic.

[xxoo]

No, I'm not trying to argue about it.

 

At this point I'd be more interested in why a girl would get upset if I subconsciously look at another.

 

A lingering gaze I could understand.

 

Say your subconscious (but noticeable) looks are always in the direction of women with large breasts.

 

A woman with large breasts may conclude 1. he is really into big breasts, and 2. he only likes me for my breasts. (girls who develop early and large can be VERY turned off by the constant attention they get just for their chest).

 

A woman with smaller breast may conclude 1. he is really into big breasts, and 2. I'm always going to feel inadequate.

[fortyninethousand322]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

[Teknoe]

I swear to God, in your shoes, I could do so much. Knock off the insane repetition of self-deprecation and go ask girls out. It is SO easy, and yet you refuse to do it. It's baffling.

 

 

It's easier being lazy and having the same results (there's a comfort zone in that) versus giving some effort AND still having the same results.

 

The familiar hurt is easier to deal with than the new hurt.

 

SD is way too comfortable in his lifestyle.

 

What concerns me is he has ZERO accountability in real life (no friends, no mentors, no peers, no therapist) to help ask him the tough questions as well as encourage him along.

 

He's just.... an island.... far away from anyone's contacts. He's just slowly withering away... completely isolated and unaccounted for. It's really sad. He won't change unless he changes his lifestyle. What does he do weekends? Just sit alone in his room surfing the net looking for some magic trick to attract girls that he never meets outside of class?

[DepressedinDenver]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

 

lolol Exactly. There is no logic when women here berate somedude for more reasons other than this big glaring hole in logic.

[Teknoe]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

 

 

There's no excuse or defending SD's way of thinking, though. SD is simply operating and thinking in unhealthy terms. That's all that matters.

 

He's hurting himself, and that's the REAL shame.

 

He's not going to get better unless he admits that he needs some help. He can't do this alone. We keep telling him to try a therapist again. He refuses to. That's because he's scared. He'd rather have the comfortable isolated SD81 lifestyle.

[xxoo]

What concerns me is he has ZERO accountability in real life (no friends, no mentors, no peers, no therapist) to help ask him the tough questions as well as encourage him along.

 

Is this true, SD? No friends?

 

If so, this is very concerning.

 

You need friends, guys and girls (NOT girls you are in love with) who can give you feedback and encouragement, as well as provide opportunities to meet new women.

 

From a woman's pov, you NEED friends to appear normal and functional and fun to women.

[fortyninethousand322]

lolol Exactly. There is no logic when women here berate somedude for more reasons other than this big glaring hole in logic.

 

At this point, my suggestion to SD and everyone else having trouble with women is to simply think to themselves "screw it". Grow a huge scraggly beard, dress like a slob and hit on every single woman you can find. Young, old, pretty, not pretty, big breasts, small breasts, everything. Do dangerous things, act aloof and even rude to everyone, especially women.

 

He gets laid in 2 hours. Tops.

[somedude81]

Agree with this. And for the record, no one is bombing you for your superficial attitude... We are bombing you for your hypocritical attitude, just as Mme. Chauncer pointed out.

 

You want to continue to be superficial (you ask how to 'fake' being superficial, not how to stop BEING superficial) but you get angry with women have the same standards.

If I'm superficial because I'm attracted to pretty girls, then there is no way to stop it. There is no point in even trying to change it.

 

Feel free to keep your attitude about how attractive a woman should be as an 'option,' but then also realize that your choices will either be to 1) wait a very long time to find a person who embraces your superficial nature, is hot enough to meet your standards, AND isn't superficial enough to reject you or 2) charge in the canon's mouth and find her (aka, FACE REJECTION.)

You keep saying superficial nature and only had one example to back it up. And that doesn't make me any worse than, every man alive.

I swear to God, in your shoes, I could do so much. Knock off the insane repetition of self-deprecation and go ask girls out. It is SO easy, and yet you refuse to do it. It's baffling.

With your insecurity, no you couldn't. You'd do worse with women than I do. I'm not trying to put you down, that's just how things are.

Ways I can tell men are superficial include: the way they approach me, the way they speak to me, the questions they ask (or don't ask), the other women they've dated, the way they look at me, etc. There are so many millions of different variations, it would be impossible to list them all. If I could observe one, I could describe that particular instance, but not list ALL the possible ways.

 

FTR, I am a hot girl. Maybe not everyone's first choice (people have types, sure), but I'm pretty attractive. Superficial men would be attracted to me for superficial reasons and many have been. It's pretty easy to tell the difference between a guy who already has interest in me (because I'm hot and that's what matters) and a guy who just talks to women to see if they are really and truly attractive to him, internally as well as externally. It's not in the time they take to get to know you or exactly what they say --- it's in the whole dynamic.

Can you give a couple of examples how a man shows his superficiality in a way that would cause you to reject him?

Say your subconscious (but noticeable) looks are always in the direction of women with large breasts.

 

A woman with large breasts may conclude 1. he is really into big breasts, and 2. he only likes me for my breasts. (girls who develop early and large can be VERY turned off by the constant attention they get just for their chest).

 

A woman with smaller breast may conclude 1. he is really into big breasts, and 2. I'm always going to feel inadequate.

Both of those are conclusions that the girl bases on how she feels and has nothing to do with me.

 

Yes I am very turned on by large breasts, but I would never date a woman just because she is buxom nor would I not date a woman because she was not.

[somedude81]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

Great point.

 

There are millions of men who act way more superficial than I ever could and they don't have problems getting women.

[xxoo]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

 

These are not all the same women.

 

There are women who are into the d-bag guttertrash. They won't go for a passive guy.

 

THen there are healthy women who are into normal guys who make good partners. They won't go for a superficial guy.

[DepressedinDenver]

At this point, my suggestion to SD and everyone else having trouble with women is to simply think to themselves "screw it". Grow a huge scraggly beard, dress like a slob and hit on every single woman you can find. Young, old, pretty, not pretty, big breasts, small breasts, everything. Do dangerous things, act aloof and even rude to everyone, especially women.

 

He gets laid in 2 hours. Tops.

 

It would work!! But I dont think hes just trying to get laid.

[Teknoe]

Is this true, SD? No friends?

 

If so, this is very concerning.

 

You need friends, guys and girls (NOT girls you are in love with) who can give you feedback and encouragement, as well as provide opportunities to meet new women.

 

From a woman's pov, you NEED friends to appear normal and functional and fun to women.

 

 

Sadly, it is true.

 

He thinks friends are useless because they don't do anything to help get him a girlfriend.

 

He's isolated.

 

He'll never change being isolated, with no one in real life to be accountable to. He'll stay in his comfortable rut and continue ranting on loveshack.

 

We all told him to make friends in the past, but he constantly rejects the idea.

 

I think it's safe to assume SD81 has intimacy issues. The ironic thing is he wants a GF when clearly, first he needs to sort out these intimacy issues.

[fortyninethousand322]

These are not all the same women.

 

There are women who are into the d-bag guttertrash. They won't go for a passive guy.

 

THen there are healthy women who are into normal guys who make good partners. They won't go for a superficial guy.

 

Women who don't dig passive guys deserve what they get.

 

Otherwise, if you're passive and superficial you're basically screwed. Unless of course you take my other advice which I posted in here.

[verhrzn]

What I don't get is guys like SD can't be "superficial" (whatever that means) and have to be oh so perfect, and yet complete a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys get in relationships all the time. All the time. What is this bizarro "women will feel inadequate", etc. They feel inadequate all the time that's why many date losers. This whole thing makes no sense...

 

Because the a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys bring something attractive to the table.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

The reason SD has to be "perfect" is because so far, he isn't attractive enough to pull the type of women he wants. So he can either decide to be attracted to the women he does pull (the dreaded "fatties," I guess) or he can cultivate more attractive features.

[fortyninethousand322]

It would work!! But I dont think hes just trying to get laid.

 

He could get laid and then the woman would think sex meant he loved her and then she'd be all crazy about him and then they'd start dating and then he'd have a girlfriend.

 

Problem solved.

[DepressedinDenver]

He could get laid and then the woman would think sex meant he loved her and then she'd be all crazy about him and then they'd start dating and then he'd have a girlfriend.

 

Problem solved.

 

Ohhh good point! I cannot argue against that.

[xxoo]

Women who don't dig passive guys deserve what they get.

 

A lot of women are attracted to strength and action in men. A man can be strong, assertive, AND a good partner. Mine is

 

Otherwise, if you're passive and superficial you're basically screwed. Unless of course you take my other advice which I posted in here.

 

This is true. The women who will tolerate superficial won't go passive.

[fortyninethousand322]

Because the a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys bring something attractive to the table.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

The reason SD has to be "perfect" is because so far, he isn't attractive enough to pull the type of women he wants. So he can either decide to be attracted to the women he does pull (the dreaded "fatties," I guess) or he can cultivate more attractive features.

 

Honestly, how attractive would he have to be? I've seen his picture, he's not the elephant man. Are all the women looking for GQ model types? If so, I hope they end up alone forever because that's basically what they deserve.

 

I've seen plenty of worse looking guys get women. I think he really is cursed.

[somedude81]

Because the a-hole, d-bag guttertrash guys bring something attractive to the table.

 

That's all there is to it.

 

The reason SD has to be "perfect" is because so far, he isn't attractive enough to pull the type of women he wants. So he can either decide to be attracted to the women he does pull (the dreaded "fatties," I guess) or he can cultivate more attractive features.

You're actually the first woman to ever say that I'm not attractive enough.

 

I need more of that honestly. Not having a bunch of girls tell me that I'm cute or that they'd do me, when in fact they never would.

[xxoo]

Both of those are conclusions that the girl bases on how she feels and has nothing to do with me.

 

Yes I am very turned on by large breasts, but I would never date a woman just because she is buxom nor would I not date a woman because she was not.

 

It has to do with you if she was able to intuit your fixation on large breasts.

[DepressedinDenver]

You're actually the first woman to ever say that I'm not attractive enough.

 

I need more of that honestly. Not having a bunch of girls tell me that I'm cute or that they'd do me, when in fact they never would.

 

Exactly the women here want to grasp at straws as to why you do so bad and make up excuses for women when in reality it is that women are just as superficial as us dudes!

 

Sooo no you shouldnt settle on your standard because women obviously dont which is why they want you to be perfect. lolz. So little logic really.

[somedude81]

It has to do with you if she was able to intuit your fixation on large breasts.

I'm able to control my fixation.

 

Though V may say otherwise...

 

Honestly, how attractive would he have to be? I've seen his picture, he's not the elephant man. Are all the women looking for GQ model types? If so, I hope they end up alone forever because that's basically what they deserve.

 

I've seen plenty of worse looking guys get women. I think he really is cursed.

That's what I've been saying all along, women are much more shallow then they want people to think.