jobaba Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Warning: rant... I've been in a relationship for a while now and managed to stay off this website more than usual. This has made me realize ... dating sucks. God ... judging people and being judged. Physical cutoffs and standards. How much do you make? :sick: Playing games. I remember starting a thread about hitting on random women every two weeks to build up your rejection tolerance. Man, how lame that someone would have to do that just to find someone they have a personal connection with. If you enjoy dating, you're probably one of those people who goes through multiple people without ever getting rejected. I can see how it's an enjoyable game for those people. To me, the whole game sucks. I don't want to DATE ever again.
carhill Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I've been in a relationship for a while now and managed to stay off this website more than usual Sounds like things are going well, on all fronts IME, I've never found dating to 'suck', but rather the sucky part being finding dates
TheSingleGuy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Jobaba, I wonder if women even realize this is the only reason most men commit? If we could easily find women to date us, lots and lots of women, without rejection, speaking for myself, and I think all men, we would all be single forever. None of us would become boyfriends or husbands. And honestly, that's a pretty sad situation, that a guy commits not because she is so perfect for him, but, rather, she gets him out of the rejection-filled world of dating. Honestly, I sincerely believe this how it is for 90%+ of all men.
somedude81 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it. I at least wish there were arranged marriages or matchmakers in western culture. Another idea would be to get to know a girl fairly well. Then talk to her parents and explain to them what you want. If they like you, they would then talk to her and encourage her to date you or at least give you a chance.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Dating does suck. I miss being married to my wife. I thought when I married her I wouldn't be lonely for the rest of my life. Our problems weren't insurmountable, but she gave up. I have dated a few girls since my divorce, and got burned the first time by a girl I dated for two months. I ended up with genital herpes. Now I'm super cautious of STD's. This sucks! I now have to tell women I have this now and face rejection. Online dating is also frustrating at times and now I'm taking a break for a while. I'm giving up.
ShannonMI Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Dating does suck. I miss being married to my wife. I thought when I married her I wouldn't be lonely for the rest of my life. Our problems weren't insurmountable, but she gave up. I have dated a few girls since my divorce, and got burned the first time by a girl I dated for two months. I ended up with genital herpes. Now I'm super cautious of STD's. This sucks! I now have to tell women I have this now and face rejection. Online dating is also frustrating at times and now I'm taking a break for a while. I'm giving up. Someone on here mentioned once that there is an actual dating site for people with genital herpes. I would look into it.
Anela Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Jobaba, I wonder if women even realize this is the only reason most men commit? If we could easily find women to date us, lots and lots of women, without rejection, speaking for myself, and I think all men, we would all be single forever. None of us would become boyfriends or husbands. And honestly, that's a pretty sad situation, that a guy commits not because she is so perfect for him, but, rather, she gets him out of the rejection-filled world of dating. Honestly, I sincerely believe this how it is for 90%+ of all men. My dad told me, "It's always been your mother." He's very happy with her. It is a very sad statement, and not a very nice one either. I wouldn't want to settle or be settled for. It's insulting and depressing.
Anela Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it. Ugh. I at least wish there were arranged marriages or matchmakers in western culture. Another idea would be to get to know a girl fairly well. Then talk to her parents and explain to them what you want. If they like you, they would then talk to her and encourage her to date you or at least give you a chance. I didn't like it when a guy was really hiding behind his mother, and had her trying to ambush me, and manipulate me into meeting him. It put me off all the more - I didn't want to meet him in the first place.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Ugh. I didn't like it when a guy was really hiding behind his mother, and had her trying to ambush me, and manipulate me into meeting him. It put me off all the more - I didn't want to meet him in the first place. His mother? That's not what I said. I said the girls mother. Lets say that you and I were friends or acquaintances. I've been to your house a few times and had a couple of dinners with your family. Afterwards your parents come to you and say that you should consider dating me because I'm a good guy and they think would be a good match for you. That's what I'm talking about.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) His mother? That's not what I said. I said the girls mother. Lets say that you and I were friends or acquaintances. I've been to your house a few times and had a couple of dinners with your family. Afterwards your parents come to you and say that you should consider dating me because I'm a good guy and they think would be a good match for you. That's what I'm talking about. Do you reaaaallly want a girl who is completely uninterested in you to be pressured into marrying you so that you can provide for her for the rest of her life and the two of you can pop out baby after baby to fulfill the parents' wishes? Do you think you'd really enjoy the 'dutiful' sex she provides for you and knowing that she doesn't actually love you? Really, 'arranged marriages' are no less superficial than current ones. Do you really think that in cultures that practice arranged marriage, parents judge men based on whether or not they are 'good men'? Uh... no. With few exceptions, arranged marriages have been all based on the 'highest bidder' - basically, you have to be the richest guy who has asked for the daughter's hand, for the parents to choose you. If you don't have a job, like you currently are, you really don't have much chance in hell of getting a girl who isn't handicapped or something. Edited February 26, 2012 by Elswyth
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 OP: I agree completely with you about the 'dating game', tbh. I completely despise the idea of going out with three different men in the space of a few weeks; Man #1 would probably string me along because he had had a meeting with a 'hotter' girl a day after our date, Man #2 would probably ditch me for not having sex with him after 3 dates because he considers it a waste of time and Man #3 would probably tell me on Date 1 that I had darn well better pay my own way because he's had enough of women getting free dinners. Really, not appealing. I have chosen to, instead of do that, progress naturally into relationships that come from knowing each other and forming a bond. Should I not find anyone, I would rather be single than play the 'dating game'. If you despise it as much as I do, I would suggest you take the same route. 1
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Do you reaaaallly want a girl who is completely uninterested in you to be pressured into marrying you so that you can provide for her for the rest of her life and the two of you can pop out baby after baby to fulfill the parents' wishes? Do you think you'd really enjoy the 'dutiful' sex she provides for you and knowing that she doesn't actually love you? Does that sound like anything I wrote? You often jump to such extremes Elswyth... I was simply writing about the girl and her parents talking about me and suggesting that she should go on a few dates. If her parents like me, why would that not be a good idea?
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 (edited) How does the phrase 'IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it' not sound extreme to you? So you typed that, but did not actually MEAN it, and it's fine for you if women have a choice as long as their parents 'encourage' them? Well, what's stopping you from getting to know a girl's parents and getting them to 'encourage' her then? Oh, I see where the confusion stems from now. Sorry, I had intended to quote your original post, with the 'IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it' and 'I wish there were arranged marriages' sentences in them, instead. Those are the points that fill me with such amusement. Edited February 26, 2012 by Elswyth
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 How does the phrase 'IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it' not sound extreme to you? So you typed that, but did not actually MEAN it, Ah, so that was why you said "Do you reaaaallly want a girl who is completely uninterested in you to be pressured into marrying you so that you can provide for her for the rest of her life and the two of you can pop out baby after baby to fulfill the parents' wishes?" I didn't see the connection. No I still believe that dating sucks because women have a say in it. Just look at my relationship history; how could I possibly be happy with what I've had? Of course I think something is wrong with the current system and would love something different where I'm actually given a freaking chance. Too many girls base thing on looks alone which just screws me over. Would I care if my wife is not attracted to me? Hell no. As long as I don't disgust her then I'm happy. and it's fine for you if women have a choice as long as their parents 'encourage' them? Well, what's stopping you from getting to know a girl's parents and getting them to 'encourage' her then? That's not how dating culture works where I live. If it was an option I would have done so with D's parents, and I know they liked me. Plus they had a 22 year old daughter living at home who never dated, they probably would have been happy to see their daughter in a relationship and with a guy they approved of. Oh, I see where the confusion stems from now. Sorry, I had intended to quote your original post, with the 'IMO, dating sucks because women have a say in it' and 'I wish there were arranged marriages' sentences in them, instead. Those are the points that fill me with such amusement. Maybe not so much as arranged, but matchmakers, where two people are set up based on how compatible they appear to be, then they go on one or two dates to see if things would work. None of this ask out 1,000 girls and hope that one says yes BS.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Ah, so that was why you said "Do you reaaaallly want a girl who is completely uninterested in you to be pressured into marrying you so that you can provide for her for the rest of her life and the two of you can pop out baby after baby to fulfill the parents' wishes?" I didn't see the connection. No I still believe that dating sucks because women have a say in it. Just look at my relationship history; how could I possibly be happy with what I've had? Of course I think something is wrong with the current system and would love something different where I'm actually given a freaking chance. Soooo.. let me get this straight. You believe that there is no possibility of a girl being attracted to you of her own free will; your solution to that is to remove the element of choice for her. Does that mean that you feel the only way you can get a girl... is through 'force'? I'm not sure you've actually looked into the 'arranged marriage' culture before. In that culture, the stereotypical qualities prized in relationships (riches and earning power for men, appearance and fertility for women) are not overlooked - they are amplified. In most cases, the parents are not going through all that trouble just to make their sons happy because they have a woman to hold in their arms. The woman's parents do it because a woman needs a man to provide for her and feed her. The man's parents do it because they need a daughter-in-law to give their son babies to carry on the family genealogy (it only passes through sons in most of those cultures). In that case, as I said, parents seek the richest man with the highest status and earning power possible, for their girl. As a 30-year-old man who is not employed, your chance would be virtually nil, unless the girl is handicapped or deformed or very ugly and the parents need someone to 'take her off their hands'. Too many girls base thing on looks alone which just screws me over. Would I care if my wife is not attracted to me? Hell no. As long as I don't disgust her then I'm happy. That's not how dating culture works where I live. If it was an option I would have done so with D's parents, and I know they liked me. Plus they had a 22 year old daughter living at home who never dated, they probably would have been happy to see their daughter in a relationship and with a guy they approved of. Maybe not so much as arranged, but matchmakers, where two people are set up based on how compatible they appear to be, then they go on one or two dates to see if things would work. None of this ask out 1,000 girls and hope that one says yes BS. Well, parental influence, as well as commercial matchmakers, are still quite prominent in modern Asian culture. So once you've graduated, you could consider heading for Japan or something. But really, if you're hoping that society will be less superficial in a place where parents and matchmakers actively play a part in it, you'll find yourself sorely wrong.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 It's amazing how degrading you are. Remind me not to bother anymore.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 If you find it degrading for me to repeat your own words to you, SD, perhaps you may want to think about why YOU said them in the first place. :/
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 "As a 30-year-old man who is not employed, your chance would be virtually nil, unless the girl is handicapped or deformed or very ugly and the parents need someone to 'take her off their hands'." Thanks for the vote of confidence. And no, I'm not unemployed.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Uh, I was only trying to explain to you why the 'arranged marriage' system that you idolize is WORSE. Would it be degrading if I said that I hate being a woman here and want to move to Saudi Arabia, and everyone tried to explain to me how they treat women in SA?
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Do you not see that everything you've said in this thread is basically shutting me down and telling how each thing is wrong? How about actually trying to see things from my point of view for once?
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 What are you expecting me to tell you, SD? That arranged marriage is great, you'll live happily ever after with a girl that has been forced to marry you because her parents made her? That you're absolutely right and the reason for all your dating woes is because 'women have a choice in whom they partner', and we should remove that choice?
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 You obviously don't understand what I'm going through. I'll just say this, I think something is very wrong with modern dating and I'm wondering what alternatives there are.
Els Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Now, that sounds a lot better than your opening post, don't you agree? I am worried about your state of mind, frankly, because your alternatives often seem to include extremes that a healthy mind would not think about. Removing the element of choice so that a woman HAS to be with you, for instance. Why would someone even consider that? I do feel for you and hope that one day you will find what you seek, but you should not be surprised at my, or anyone's, reaction to that post.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I am worried about your state of mind, frankly, because your alternatives often seem to include extremes that a healthy mind would not think about. Removing the element of choice so that a woman HAS to be with you, for instance. Why would someone even consider that? Because in a situation where women have complete autonomous choice, I'm 30 years old and never had been in a relationship.... Elswyth, how things are now is basically the worst possible scenario for me to be in. And no, please spare yourself the effort of writing things that could be worse for me than they are now.
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