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Wanting to gain closure as to when my ex met her bf.....worth breaking nc?

proteinshake25

By proteinshake25
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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It was my choice to breakup with my ex. We decided we'd try "casual dating" but we never went out. A month after the breakup she met a new guy. I tried to contact her to see here. A month after that she said never to contact her again,she's happy with her new bf. I'm still healing. It's been a year now. In my mind I'm tryna answer alota questions, as to when my absolute last chance to regain her was during that first month. I'm shocked a girl could move on so amazingly quickly. I also just wanna hear her say. Why her and her new bf are so much more compatible. I went nc for 4 mos. But broke it 2 mos ago. To tell her to not talk to my brother. Along with a little tidbits of how great I thought she was. My question is.. is it worth me to contact her again to get my questions answered. I could see her completely ignoring me, and it hurting quite a bit.

BoredAgain Established Member

BoredAgain

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It's a cliche, but it's true: closure comes from within. Even if she decides to answer all your questions, which seems pretty unlikely, how will that help you move on?

 

You want to ask her why she's more compatible with the new guy. What answer are you expecting that will actually make you feel better? Chances are anything she says will just lead to more agony. You need to let it go and move forward with your life.

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Ya thats true. Well the main question is also if she we would've eventually broke up. Being that she met her bf through her friends which I had yet to meet.

leoc1973 Established Member

leoc1973

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I read a few of your old posts. Let me get this straight you broke up with your ex so you can go and have a fling and now that she me some guy that she likes and wont take you back you are hurting? Leave her alone she probably deserves to be happy. I think this girl is long gone she has been with the new guy and has established a serious relationship with him.

 

Try to be single for a while. I think you will be in a lot better place if you can just be alone for a bit. Think of this as a learning experience not to dump someone that you love again. Not everyone plays that break up and get back together game. Some girls actually take you seriously. You told her that she wasn't good enough to be in your life last year so try to move on cause it seems like this one is long gone.

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proteinshake25 Established Member

proteinshake25

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Well thats the gist of it...yes leo. Which is why I want to ask her if she would've dumped me anyways. As she met her new bf through friends I had yet to meet. We agreed to casual date. But never did after she met her new bf. I've learned my mistakes. I really dont need someone to come into every single one o my posts with this. "It's your fault suck it up" mentality. I understand it's my fault and I'm trying to suck it up. For God sakes I really dont need this bashing. I know what I did was wrong and am now trying to cope with it and move on.

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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Well thats the gist of it...yes leo. Which is why I want to ask her if she would've dumped me anyways. As she met her new bf through friends I had yet to meet. We agreed to casual date. But never did after she met her new bf. I've learned my mistakes. I really dont need someone to come into every single one o my posts with this. "It's your fault suck it up" mentality. I understand it's my fault and I'm trying to suck it up. For God sakes I really dont need this bashing. I know what I did was wrong and am now trying to cope with it and move on.

 

and we get that. but if you're trying to move on by going back and asking her these questions then you are merely picking at the wound and not allowing yourself to do just that.

 

leave it alone. re-visiting all the "could-have's; would-have's; should-have's" isn't going to change the facts of the situation as they stand now. which i am sure you already know. so why continue to torture yourself?

 

Look at is this way: the longer you continue to give into that urge to contact your ex for any reason - - whether it's to tell her how great she is or ask her about the bf - - the more power you give her over you.

 

if you're tired of being reminded of your mistakes this is the most counter-productive thing you can do. because it's not us you're setting yourself to be bashed by - - it's her. and believe me she will continue to wield that power to do so as long as you let her by continuing to break NC.

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broken-and-lost Established Member

broken-and-lost

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I have to say your post is something i almost did over the weekend i wrote this letter because i too 1.5 years later want anwsers from my ex, she said some really horrible things and left me holding the bag she dumped me to find happiness with someone else and ignored a few attempts at contact from me that **** hurt so much.

 

I have the letter sitting on my coffee table but like me do yourself a favour do not under any circumstances contact her you will only find more pain and more unanswered questions you will hurt yourself by breaking NC

 

My advice and it's advice i plan on taking myself is write it down on paper do the chat in your head with her and the possible dream like response from her how your the love of her life and she has been running away through fear and your letter has opened up her heart she wants you and misses you so much lets go get married and GO TAKE A COLD SHOWER ride the wave man and DO NOT CONTACT HER

 

that's what i plan on doing despite not feeling like i'm healing after all this time and needing closure from her........

Edited by broken-and-lost
Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

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if you're tired of being reminded of your mistakes this is the most counter-productive thing you can do. because it's not us you're setting yourself to be bashed by - - it's her. and believe me she will continue to wield that power to do so as long as you let her by continuing to break NC.

 

That above is exactly why I will never break NC for as long as I live..

 

Mate if she banged that guy a day after you breakup it is not your concern. If she moves on quick or slow its not your concern. Leave it go. No good can come from this 'obsession'. I have a lot of questions I would like to ask my ex, but the answers do not matter and even if I get them they won't help. All that matters is that she doesn't want me in her life.

 

The longer you focus on a girl who doesn't want you and has moved on from you, the longer you are depriving yourself of a girl that will want you. I can't wait until I find a woman who wants me for me. Who will let me breathe, who will appreciate how kind and big a heart I have. I can only get a girl like that, if I accept that myself and my ex were just not compatible. No need to over analyze the crap out of that. Just accept it for what it is. No need to over analyze her flaws. Again gets me nowhere.

 

Focus on YOU...She is happy. Good for her. Now focus on getting yourself happy..You don't need validation/answers from her to do that...

brokendreamz Established Member

brokendreamz

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My mantra:

 

'It doesn't matter - let it be'

 

Think about it hard... It really doesn't matter, just let it be and slowly you will begin to move on.

 

Good luck

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I have to say your post is something i almost did over the weekend i wrote this letter because i too 1.5 years later want anwsers from my ex, she said some really horrible things and left me holding the bag she dumped me to find happiness with someone else and ignored a few attempts at contact from me that **** hurt so much.

 

The difference between you and OP is that your gf broke up with you. OP broke up with her and she was perfectly within her rights to move on to someone new. I personally don't think one month is out of the question to develop feelings for someone new. If she is an attractive girl she is going to get hit on by men so the chance of getting involved with a new man is high.

 

I think OP would do well to just let sleeping dogs lie and perhaps when involved in the next relationship not to break up until you are sure you don't want that person anymore.

broken-and-lost Established Member

broken-and-lost

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The difference between you and OP is that your gf broke up with you. OP broke up with her and she was perfectly within her rights to move on to someone new. I personally don't think one month is out of the question to develop feelings for someone new. If she is an attractive girl she is going to get hit on by men so the chance of getting involved with a new man is high.

 

I think OP would do well to just let sleeping dogs lie and perhaps when involved in the next relationship not to break up until you are sure you don't want that person anymore.

 

Either way whether you are dumped or do the dumping their is no such thing as closure in someway you or them where missing part of the puzzle it's fine if one of you thinks they can still put it together but without the other person it doesn't matter it stays unfinished.

 

like you say let it lie no good will come of it and you'll never get the answers or the piece of the puzzle you are missing, I never will and neither will he

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