Taking care of business

[Teknoe]

With all the "Should I date" and employment-related threads in dating recently, I figure the nature of this post to be appropriate posting here in this Dating forum.

 

For the past four years, after I graduated from college with a teaching credential, I have been complacently and contently teaching part-time. I handed out a resume here and there, but it was half-hearted at best. I also knew, they weren't going to call me back. Truth was, I was scared to death. The idea of teaching full time, having my own classroom... it became this huge mental block. I decided to take the 1st year after I graduated off.

 

1 year became 2.

 

2 years became 3.

 

And now I'm about to hit 4 years since I graduated.

 

I suffered greatly from a fear of failure. So I didn't apply myself to find a full time job, or when I did hand out my resume, I just did so knowing I wasn't likely to receive a call from that person.

 

And in the past 4 years I have been chasing various girls... hoping to land Mrs. Right. It all ended up badly with numerous crushes/friends, and I always knew, at the end of the day, there was something at my core that was missing. That was lacking.

 

It was my fear of failure with full time teaching (and really, at living out the true adult life I was called to live).

 

Well, I finally took the steps necessary to face my fears once and for all.

 

I'm proud to say just last week, I had my first subbing assignment. I also applied OFFICIALLY for my credential and was issued it. These are things I should have handled 4 years ago, but again, I allowed fear to stop me.

 

Ever since I have been facing my fears head-on, I cannot tell you what great peace and new found sense of joy I am now enjoying. I hope this post encourages someone. I think in many cases, we just chase finding the right partner thinking if only we could find him or her, then everything with US will be OK.

 

But the truth is, first, we must see to it that we take care of ourselves. If there are unresolved issues in your life (and you know what they are), I can tell you from personal experience, you better deal with it. If you don't, it won't magically go away.

 

Change always comes from the inside first. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

 

I sincerely hope this encourages somebody. Thank you for reading.

Edited February 25, 2012 by Teknoe

[Seneca]

Nice job!

 

Teachers are hero's. They can be a great influence for students. Good luck.

[Teknoe]

Nice job!

 

Teachers are hero's. They can be a great influence for students. Good luck.

 

 

Thanks!

 

What took me four years I should have done in four hours the day I graduated in 2008, lol. But life's funny like that. I think in the last four years I discovered a lot of things about me. I believe timing is everything in life, and I'm more thankful than regretful of what has happened in my life these past 4 years. I'm a firm believer in everything in life happens for a reason. And that there is good in every circumstance, always a lesson life wants us to learn, and move on stronger because of it. More complete, more whole, more ready to impart our wisdom onto others later going through a similar struggle we experienced years and years ago. One candle lighting another.

 

I also believe it's time for me to continue the good race, to push on, to persevere and finish what God had me start.

 

I just want to encourage others with my story. It's NEVER TOO late to start. It's NEVER TOO late to continue. And, it's NEVER TOO late to finish.

 

If you still got things to work out in your life, consider taking care of yourself first before chasing the next crush. Because part of the reason we haven't been experiencing success in the dating realm is because we're chasing something to distract ourselves from actual self-improvement. It's a hard pill to swallow, but quite liberating when you're just honest with yourself in the mirror.

 

If you need to see a therapist, go do it.

 

If you need to take care of some paperwork (like I did), go do it.

 

If you need to finish your education, go do it.

 

If you want to ask that girl out, go do it.

 

The theme is... GO! DO!

 

Not "stop." Not "stand still." Not "sit and complain on the internet." Not "let life pass you by"

 

GO... DO! Any movement is better than none at all. Better to fail than not to try at all. I know what it's like to be paralyzed by fear, trust me, I let fear paralyze me for nearly four years, so I know what I'm talking about. If anything, I am the posterboy. You are not alone. It, whatever "it" may look like in your life, is often not nearly as hard as we sometimes make it out to be.

 

I don't know about you but... it's time to start moving, and keep on moving, no matter how many setbacks are to come. I wish everyone here the best.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

This is an amazing post Teknoe. Thank you for sharing your story and giving some encouragment. There are certain some unfishined things in my life that I have been afraid to face. Your post really hits home with me. And it makes me realize that I need to make some changes.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Nice job!

 

Teachers are hero's. They can be a great influence for students. Good luck.

Heroes in this case is spelled "heroes". Teachers are only a great influence if people learn from them.

[alphamale]

But the truth is, first, we must see to it that we take care of ourselves. If there are unresolved issues in your life (and you know what they are), I can tell you from personal experience, you better deal with it. If you don't, it won't magically go away.

 

Change always comes from the inside first. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

 

I sincerely hope this encourages somebody. Thank you for reading.

sorry to beat a dead horse but most older folks have already figured this out

[Disenchantedly Yours]

sorry to beat a dead horse but most older folks have already figured this out

 

I don't think this is an issue only prone to young folks. I think this is an issue that can follow people throughout their lives. whether it's career, love, family or other things.

[polcas]

Ever since I have been facing my fears head-on, I cannot tell you what great peace and new found sense of joy I am now enjoying. I hope this post encourages someone. I think in many cases, we just chase finding the right partner thinking if only we could find him or her, then everything with US will be OK.

 

But the truth is, first, we must see to it that we take care of ourselves. If there are unresolved issues in your life (and you know what they are), I can tell you from personal experience, you better deal with it. If you don't, it won't magically go away.

 

Change always comes from the inside first. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

 

This is great advice and a resounding truth all over. Some people take 10 or 20 or forever to realize this so you're doing great. CONGRATS and thanks for sharing this.

[Teknoe]

This is an amazing post Teknoe. Thank you for sharing your story and giving some encouragment. There are certain some unfishined things in my life that I have been afraid to face. Your post really hits home with me. And it makes me realize that I need to make some changes.

 

Awesome. I'm humbled and honored that my story not only gives you some encouragement, but that it made you examined those unresolved issues still exisiting in your life. Glad it hit home with you. I hope you'll get on it (making necessary changes) before you lose the momentum of wanting to change.

 

I find acting on momentum to be huge. Bad habits die hard. I told myself I'd only take one year off after I graduated. And "Oh, I can do the paperwork tomorrow. Or next week. I got plenty of time. What's the rush?"

 

Next thing I know, one day became one week. One week became one month. One year became two.

 

Humans are creatures of habit. 2011 I got some paperwork together one day, determined to finish it. But I got lazy, said I'll take a break and before I knew it, it was 2012 and I was in the same position I had been 2008-2012. I realized at that point this was something I simply could not delay any further if I want to advance to that next level in my life (I think I was delaying being a big kid/college postgrad as long as I could... somehow, staring into the face of 30 was a great motivation for me to finish what I started)

 

Bottom line... momentum is huge. Most people who stay in ruts allow themselves to. They say "I'll do so and so next month." Before they know it, one month becomes 48 and suddenly 4 years has passed by.

 

 

sorry to beat a dead horse but most older folks have already figured this out

 

Well, it wasn't any sort of AH HA epiphany for me, either. I think most folks know this deep, deep down. Knowing it, and living it out are, however, two completely different things. By my post I hope I stirred up some consciousness in other people, people just like me, who have long been delaying life with various bad habits.

 

 

I don't think this is an issue only prone to young folks. I think this is an issue that can follow people throughout their lives. whether it's career, love, family or other things.

 

Definitely not just young people. It absolutely does follow people throughout their lives. Change can be scary. Sometimes it's easier hurting yourself with what is familiar, because you at least know the hurt already. But this is not the way we were meant to live our lives! And it's time to take an active, conscious stand against it.

 

 

This is great advice and a resounding truth all over. Some people take 10 or 20 or forever to realize this so you're doing great. CONGRATS and thanks for sharing this.

 

You're very welcome and thank you for your kind words. It's just I surf Loveshack just about everyday, been here about 18 months and I've seen and know that I'm not the only one experiencing this kind of hurt/rut. People posting the same kind of issues over and over again... thinking about finding a significant other. As I look back on the past 4 years of my life, I can relate. A lot of girl chasing -- it was a means to distract myself from my lack of career drive/fear of failure. That was the real core issue, not whether I was good looking enough or not.

 

I don't doubt that I subconsciously carried baggage that only comes from unaddressed deep seated wounds while interacting with others, both verbally and nonverbally. I was far from whole, still quite unhealthy, while trying to chase girls down in the unrealistic hopes that the right one would somehow make me healthy and whole.

 

It's time for us to take a stand. I know that's what I will do. I refuse to complain and blame things on other people. I refuse to stay stuck in the same place. My friend used to tell me the saddest thing you can do is be in the same exact crappy situation year after year after year. Only each person can change their habits, their way of thinking, and thus, their way of living. No one else can do it for you BUT you.

[somedude81]

Good story Teknoe.

 

And I applaud you for not mentioning me this time.

 

(Only a hint of sarcasm)

[Teknoe]

Good story Teknoe.

 

And I applaud you for not mentioning me this time.

 

(Only a hint of sarcasm)

 

Heh, thanks. BTW, since you are here, do you remember when you told us you would take a couple days/weeks "off" after the D episode crashed and burned? Did you get out of your slump by genuinely trying new things or are you still in a slump not having tried much differently?

 

I only ask this because I know the mentality all too well. A few days can easily become a few weeks, which then turns into a few months. Before you know it, it'll be a couple years and you'll be 33. I just hope you will find the healing that you need and be healthier in mind, body and spirit. Good luck to you.

[somedude81]

Heh, thanks. BTW, since you are here, do you remember when you told us you would take a couple days/weeks "off" after the D episode crashed and burned? Did you get out of your slump by genuinely trying new things or are you still in a slump not having tried much differently?

 

I only ask this because I know the mentality all too well. A few days can easily become a few weeks, which then turns into a few months. Before you know it, it'll be a couple years and you'll be 33. I just hope you will find the healing that you need and be healthier in mind, body and spirit. Good luck to you.

I tried to make things work with a couple of girls since then, and when they fell through I crashed, hard.

 

Such is life.

 

But I don't want to derail your thread anymore.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you Teknoe. I'm hope things work out.

 

For me, I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I need/want a job and my own place but I have no idea how exactly to do that. I have no "credentials" unlike you, except a bachelor's degree and an interest in economics. None of the applications I sent out have come back positive and I think I've just given up out of hopelessness and frustration.

 

I'd love to say you've inspired me, but I really don't know what I should be inspired to do.

[Teknoe]

I tried to make things work with a couple of girls since then, and when they fell through I crashed, hard.

 

Such is life.

 

But I don't want to derail your thread anymore.

 

Do I know the feeling too well as well (of trying with girls and crashing). Don't beat yourself up over it too much. Like you said, such is life. We get knocked down. But it's about how many times we can bounce right back and get back up on our feet.

 

My final suggestion for you in this thread is this. When I was rejected by a string of girls... like 20 in a row... the last one being December 2011... guess what SD81 I had that lightbulb moment. Maybe I'm chasing the wrong thing right now. That's when I realized I needed to chase something else first... and that is, of course, my career.

 

I don't know what your career situation is right now, or what other non-female areas of your life may need improvement (I think for you we all know it's your way of thinking that you should get help with), but MAYBE chasing girls right now for you isn't the hottest idea, either.

 

I know being "short" isn't your issue. I know looks isn't, either (I've seen your picture and while you aren't Brad Pitt -- hey who is right -- you're definitely not ugly). As others have said before, it's your overly negative thinking. I think until you address that head-on, it will always follow you along and bring you down.

 

Just something to seriously think about doing...

 

 

I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you Teknoe. I'm hope things work out.

 

For me, I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I need/want a job and my own place but I have no idea how exactly to do that. I have no "credentials" unlike you, except a bachelor's degree and an interest in economics. None of the applications I sent out have come back positive and I think I've just given up out of hopelessness and frustration.

 

I'd love to say you've inspired me, but I really don't know what I should be inspired to do.

 

Thanks, man. You're right, I have a career I'm looking at, am credentialed for, and I'm finally making some headwaves.

 

Your situation is tougher than mine, but definitely not hopeless. If you still have an interest in economics, keep sending in applications. You can't just give up after being denied by a couple-several companies. Keep trying.

 

If you don't want to do economics on the other hand, figure out what interests you, and figure out necessary steps to walk toward achieving that new interest.

 

I find networking helps a lot. It's not always what you know but WHO you know. Schools just are not hiring substitute teachers right now in my area. I recently reconnected with an old friend over lunch last November. I first met the lady in 1994 (when I was only 11! It's a long story and it involves meeting her randomly on Halloween night, lol. Though I believe, nothing ever happens "randomly"). Anyway so last November we met up for lunch and I found out she's been teaching 23 years in the same district. She put in a good word for me to her superiors.

 

The next week (early Dec. 2011) I came in and they hired me as a sub because of her recommendation. As soon as I walked in the substitute coordinator said "Becky's spoke so highly of you!" I was speechless, and felt like the red carpet was rolled out for me. I felt like royalty.

 

And just last week, thanks to my being proactive and reconnecting with Becky, a woman I met HALLOWEEN 1994 of all places... I had my first ever subbing assignment, some new found encouragement and some new found hope. It was literally as though I could see God's plan starting to unfold in my once-stationary life. And it's because I took PROACTIVE steps that good things happened to me.

 

So I can't stress how big networking is. Get in touch, reach out, send emails, go out to lunch, etc. CONNECT! And see things start to move and happen and orchestrate in your career. Positive movement brings about more confidence and momentum.

 

More confidence and momentum will land you that big full-time gig!

 

I wish you well, 49.

[Teknoe]

quick update: today I shadowed (observed) my old friend (that I met Halloween 1994!). She teaches kindergarten. Then I shadowed in the afternoon the 4/5 combo teacher.

 

Next Monday I'm subbing in my friend's school for 5th grade!

 

Good things happen to those who are faithful and take action.

 

It was through my desire to start teaching, and my boldness to reconnect with this old friend (thank God she lives in the same house after all these years!) that I am where I am right now.

 

I could have complained. I could have sat there and done absolutely nothing. That's what I did the last 3+ years.

 

Not anymore.

 

I'm on the move.

 

On the go.

 

From standing still to inching forward, bit by bit.

 

It doesn't matter how slow you go, slow is better than being stationary. (Don't you remember the Tortoise and the Hare? Plodding wins the race...)

 

Here's the bottom line, my LoveShack friends...

 

Harland Sanders... what's in your hand? A recipe. 11 herbs and spices. Go fry some chicken. And become a multi-billionaire.

 

Mary Kate Ash... what's in your hand? An idea to transform the cosmetic and beauty industry.

 

Bill Gates, Steve Jobs... what's in your hand? An idea to have a personal computer in every home and to make the internet friendly.

 

Jackie Robinson... what's in your hand? A baseball bat and the first African American to break into the Major Leagues.

 

The world has been changed by people who:

 

A. Discovered their gifts

B. Developed their gifts

C. Distributed their gifts

 

Now not all of us will be famous or super rich, and that's OK, but if you're not happy where you are right now in your life, have you done ABC yet? If not, I'd encourage you to make that your focus.

 

It's really quite simple. People who take action and take risks and who believe in themselves get ahead and live out the kind of lives many of us often daydream about.

 

But I got news for you. It can be YOUR reality if you work hard and smart.

 

Discover

Develop

Distribute

 

That's what I'm trying to do with teaching. My name may not go down in history like Barack Obama, but if I can change one child's world for the better, I'd be more than satisfied.

 

Go LoveShack, and DO. BE. BECOME. DESTINY. TAKE IT. LIVE IT. AMEN.

[Teknoe]

Hey everyone. I wrote this thread nearly one year ago, and wanted to update it with some big news on what's been happening lately. I hope this encourages someone who is on the edge of giving up to keep pressing, and to keep their dreams alive.

 

 

With all the "Should I date" and employment-related threads in dating recently, I figure the nature of this post to be appropriate posting here in this Dating forum.

 

For the past four years, after I graduated from college with a teaching credential, I have been complacently and contently teaching part-time. I handed out a resume here and there, but it was half-hearted at best. I also knew, they weren't going to call me back. Truth was, I was scared to death. The idea of teaching full time, having my own classroom... it became this huge mental block. I decided to take the 1st year after I graduated off.

 

1 year became 2.

 

2 years became 3.

 

And now I'm about to hit 4 years since I graduated.

 

I suffered greatly from a fear of failure. So I didn't apply myself to find a full time job, or when I did hand out my resume, I just did so knowing I wasn't likely to receive a call from that person.

 

And in the past 4 years I have been chasing various girls... hoping to land Mrs. Right. It all ended up badly with numerous crushes/friends, and I always knew, at the end of the day, there was something at my core that was missing. That was lacking.

 

It was my fear of failure with full time teaching (and really, at living out the true adult life I was called to live).

 

Well, I finally took the steps necessary to face my fears once and for all.

 

I'm proud to say just last week, I had my first subbing assignment. I also applied OFFICIALLY for my credential and was issued it. These are things I should have handled 4 years ago, but again, I allowed fear to stop me.

 

Ever since I have been facing my fears head-on, I cannot tell you what great peace and new found sense of joy I am now enjoying. I hope this post encourages someone. I think in many cases, we just chase finding the right partner thinking if only we could find him or her, then everything with US will be OK.

 

But the truth is, first, we must see to it that we take care of ourselves. If there are unresolved issues in your life (and you know what they are), I can tell you from personal experience, you better deal with it. If you don't, it won't magically go away.

 

Change always comes from the inside first. It's not easy. But it's so worth it.

 

I sincerely hope this encourages somebody. Thank you for reading.

 

 

So, after delaying the subbing leg of my teaching career for over four years, I finally got my paperwork handled and had my first sub job on Valentines 2012.

 

Four months later I was hired full time as a primary school teacher.

 

I've been teaching 1st grade full time now since August. It has been a tremendous blessing, and it was only after I *REALLY TRULY* applied myself did I make my own way and made my own big break. For the first time in four years, I really sat down and combed through my cover letter, resume, etc. and really tightened it up... as though I was finally serious about taking that next step in my life.

 

Now, life hasn't been perfect since I started teaching full time. I've been more stressed than when I was living my old care-free life. You know, the one where you stay up until 3 AM, playing games and watching movies on Netflix, before waking up the next day around 11:30 AM, rinse and repeat. But, I've had a lot of joy too with my new full time job, and it's truly an honor to make an impact in these little kids' lives.

 

I still can't believe how blessed I am to get a full time job in a tough market after four years of screwing around, for the most part. Just goes to show you, once you really put in the effort, anything can happen.

 

I hope this thread caught someone at the right time. Press on and keep the dream alive

[eduardo23]

Hey everyone. I wrote this thread nearly one year ago, and wanted to update it with some big news on what's been happening lately. I hope this encourages someone who is on the edge of giving up to keep pressing, and to keep their dreams alive.

 

 

 

 

 

So, after delaying the subbing leg of my teaching career for over four years, I finally got my paperwork handled and had my first sub job on Valentines 2012.

 

Four months later I was hired full time as a primary school teacher.

 

I've been teaching 1st grade full time now since August. It has been a tremendous blessing, and it was only after I *REALLY TRULY* applied myself did I make my own way and made my own big break. For the first time in four years, I really sat down and combed through my cover letter, resume, etc. and really tightened it up... as though I was finally serious about taking that next step in my life.

 

Now, life hasn't been perfect since I started teaching full time. I've been more stressed than when I was living my old care-free life. You know, the one where you stay up until 3 AM, playing games and watching movies on Netflix, before waking up the next day around 11:30 AM, rinse and repeat. But, I've had a lot of joy too with my new full time job, and it's truly an honor to make an impact in these little kids' lives.

 

I still can't believe how blessed I am to get a full time job in a tough market after four years of screwing around, for the most part. Just goes to show you, once you really put in the effort, anything can happen.

 

I hope this thread caught someone at the right time. Press on and keep the dream alive

 

I'm glad you started acting and working on your dreams. I definitely need to do some of that as well .

 

Since you are a teacher influencing kids, I suggest you read a book called 'Mindset' by Carol Dweck. The books about fixed mindset vs growth mindset. Natural IQ versus learned ability. In your case, students will be able to unleash their potential if given an environment where they are praised for learning and growing and challenging themselves; versus being praised for being 'smart', and 'talented'. I hope you can influence some kids lives so they can unleash their potential and rather be fearful of failure, desire to be challenged and stretched.

[ja123]

This is a terrific thread! It's just what I needed to read this morning.

 

Thank you!

[Teknoe]

^ You're welcome, Ja123!

 

 

I'm glad you started acting and working on your dreams. I definitely need to do some of that as well .

 

Since you are a teacher influencing kids, I suggest you read a book called 'Mindset' by Carol Dweck. The books about fixed mindset vs growth mindset. Natural IQ versus learned ability. In your case, students will be able to unleash their potential if given an environment where they are praised for learning and growing and challenging themselves; versus being praised for being 'smart', and 'talented'. I hope you can influence some kids lives so they can unleash their potential and rather be fearful of failure, desire to be challenged and stretched.

 

Thanks for the rec. I'll def. pick up a copy. Ha, I already thought of certain students while reading your post who fit on both ends of the spectrum.

 

It's hard for me to believe it has been one year since my first ever sub job, and harder for me to believe that I've been teaching full time now since August. Goes to show you, tasks that "LOOM LARGE" are doable if you START DOING, KEEP DOING, AND DO IN SMALL STEPS.

 

If I continued getting hung up over self pity and oh, where's my GF, oh, it's been 4+ years now I will never amount to anything, then I would be stuck right now where I was 13 months ago... doing NOTHING.

 

Instead, I didn't throw a self pity party, I just kept moving along. I'm pretty proud of where I am now, and I thank God for His encouragement along the way with various friends and loved ones who were there to whisper an encouraging word at just the right moment.

 

Stand still, and you'll never ever get anywhere. Whatever you situation is today, I implore you to take just ONE SMALL step in the right direction. After some time, you will realize you would have covered a great distance... which began with only one small step and shoving it back in fear's face.

[Teknoe]

may ask how old you are?

and for the first time i vote for a topic. and giveth yours 5 stars.

 

thank your for posting this.

cause you are not the only one. and needed it.

and its so true, the more you run the more you keep running.

till you face it.

 

the only thing is im not facing that fear jet.

its not easy, but deep down i know its worth it.

 

may God give me strength.God bless you.:D:cool::cool::cool::):):):):)

 

 

Thank you, and God bless you, too. I am 29 and a half... so when I graduated at 24.9 years old, I felt like I was still plenty young and could take my sweet time. I figured I'd take 1 year off and retackle it in 2009. Of course, I didn't, and by the time I was 28, with 30 looming over the horizon, I knew time was slipping through the hourglass, and I didn't have much time left to just screw around. With my faith and friends, I somehow got through it and became a testimony/success story.

 

Whatever you facing, I wish all the best

[outsidethebox]

I'm surprised you haven't hooked up with a woman from church as religious as you are. I always had this impression there's a bunch of women running around church - some single anyway. Anyway that's your path, there's a ton of single religious women.

[Teknoe]

I'm surprised you haven't hooked up with a woman from church as religious as you are. I always had this impression there's a bunch of women running around church - some single anyway. Anyway that's your path, there's a ton of single religious women.

 

1. I've tried, only to get rejected/be given the "I just see you as a brother-in-Christ" talk.

 

2. I have been away from the church scene for about 6 months now... however, I still consider myself as a Christian. I guess I am going through a questioning period and stepping back for a bit

 

3. The single ladies at my last church just didn't click with me romantically. I saw all of them as just "sisters in Christ"

 

4. I dunno if I'd call myself "religious." I dislike that term and much prefer spiritual