Horseradish Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Alrighty, here goes... I'm falling for my New Year's hookup -- he's already in way over his head, or thinks he is. I'm having reservations about our budding relationship, but I also am pretty darned good about talking myself out of getting attached to guys. I definitely like this guy a lot and get along well with him -- we have a lot of common interests -- but the speed of our relationship is unnerving. Here's my reservations: 1. We've both admitted to sleeping with other people since we've been together. We were both upset about the other party's actions, but we talked it out. I don't harbor any ill-feeling toward him and I don't believe he does either but I do feel our actions could be construed as a warning sign. (On the flip side, we both have a lot of experience and have a tendency to separate sex from emotional connection.) I do appreciate his honesty with me and feel I can be totally open with him about my failings as well. 2. In his words, he's "good at catching women, but bad at keeping them around". He's had four girlfriends over the past ten years or so. One of his previous relationships involved a proposal after 3 months and he's been dropping hints about long-term commitment, which I think is ludicrous at this stage in the game. I've already told him that I'm not interested in marriage for quite a while and he seemed hurt about that. I think he tends to jump the gun and commit too soon. I'm exactly the opposite. 3. He's grieving the loss of his grandmother and is fresh out of grad school and looking for work. Two very big life changes... I suspect that being there for him right now might be giving us a false sense of emotional closeness and that once his life crises end, we'll be left with nothing. I'm struggling to finish school while juggling a full-time job. So... What do you all think is going on here?
smokey bear Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think its very wise of you to notice red flags, follow your gut, its almost never wrong
Author Horseradish Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Here's the thing... Definitely some red flags. On the other hand, we're good at talking things out and we've been able to resolve conflict thus far. If we slow the pace of the relationship enough to satisfy my commitment issues, I'm confident we can work through whatever else comes up, but I'm just not sure yet if he's worth putting forth the effort. I can do better (someone employed, more mature, and less emotionally neurotic) but I also connect with him in a way I haven't before now. Idk. Having trouble determining if what I feel for him is genuine or this is just my hormones and baggage talking.
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