nowwhatnow Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 ive been single for almost 2 years now and i have not met anyone that ive felt a spark for - or who ive liked but has reciprocated. i go out, go to parties, talk to guys but somehow its not working. how do i find my guy? what m i doing wrong?
Old Flame Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 What interests you. What do you like or what is something you'd like to learn how to do? Suppose you like to read books. Join a book club. Perhaps a guy there may interest you, you'll already have something to connect on:books. Find people with common interst. That way, if you do spark each other, you will always have a reason to be with each other. Even if you end it, youll still bump into each other and probably remain friemnds.
somedude81 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Maybe you could lower your requirements for what you consider a spark.
goldengirl11 Posted March 6, 2012 Posted March 6, 2012 ive been single for almost 2 years now and i have not met anyone that ive felt a spark for - or who ive liked but has reciprocated. i go out, go to parties, talk to guys but somehow its not working. how do i find my guy? what m i doing wrong? Just wanted to say it sounded like it was coming from me!!
Author nowwhatnow Posted March 7, 2012 Author Posted March 7, 2012 Just wanted to say it sounded like it was coming from me!! any tips?!??
goldengirl11 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) any tips?!?? Likewise! I'm in my early thirties and not that I'm desperate to meet anyone but feel that time is running out to meet someone of a similar age (not too much older) to have a relationship with. Most guys my age on-line would appear to be looking for women a bit younger, and the men I meet at my local salsa class without a partner are in their late 30's at least! I also unfortunately came out of work recently, although am actively jobhunting again. Just started a computer class in morning (no evening option at my local college) where all are women, mostly mums it seems. Not to mention hardly have any female friends to go out with who are single/without baby! Am starting to feel like a lost cause. On the other hand though am grateful that now have my own flat and no babies to put potential partners off I suppose!! Edited March 8, 2012 by goldengirl11 1
jyoun Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I have pretty bad social anxiety, so for me I can't be "on the look out" it has to come more naturally. I seem to only form bonds with those I work with or in a non-social type of event. I think the pressure of trying to find someone can cause one to not be relaxed enough to see straight. We all want to find someone we truly value and it's hard to make judgments on that using first impressions. My advice is to do some volunteer work you are passionate about, start going to a church you agree with (don't forget ones like unitarian universalism, which welcomes those of all religions and non-religions), or, like goldengirl11 said, a class. Also, sometimes making friends with other people you aren't interested in romantically (but like as a friend) can lead to you meeting true love. Lastly, and I don't have experience to know if this is true it's more of a guy feeling, older single guys aren't as brave asking women out, sometimes you have to be the one to take control. I know it probably sucks, but don't assume because a guy doesn't ask you out that he doesn't want to. Some of these older ones like to be friends first because they don't want to risk short and unsuccessful relationships. They could be more anxious then you realize, and the "spark" may not happen until you spend a little time with them one-on-one as friends.
goldengirl11 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I have pretty bad social anxiety, so for me I can't be "on the look out" it has to come more naturally. I seem to only form bonds with those I work with or in a non-social type of event. I think the pressure of trying to find someone can cause one to not be relaxed enough to see straight. We all want to find someone we truly value and it's hard to make judgments on that using first impressions. My advice is to do some volunteer work you are passionate about, start going to a church you agree with (don't forget ones like unitarian universalism, which welcomes those of all religions and non-religions), or, like goldengirl11 said, a class. Also, sometimes making friends with other people you aren't interested in romantically (but like as a friend) can lead to you meeting true love. Lastly, and I don't have experience to know if this is true it's more of a guy feeling, older single guys aren't as brave asking women out, sometimes you have to be the one to take control. I know it probably sucks, but don't assume because a guy doesn't ask you out that he doesn't want to. Some of these older ones like to be friends first because they don't want to risk short and unsuccessful relationships. They could be more anxious then you realize, and the "spark" may not happen until you spend a little time with them one-on-one as friends. You made some interesting comments there jyoun, thanks. Especially the bit at the end regarding the older ones and that the spark may not occur immediately with someone you meet. I am also considering doing volunteering work too, even if one or two days a week say. I wish you the best of luck.
Theresa9297 Posted March 26, 2012 Posted March 26, 2012 I'm a 55. Do you think it is impossible to meet up with anyone? This was supposed to be our golden years, but they have pretty well turned to lead for me. I was married to a doctor and pretty well off. Now I'm just above poverty level. Life feels pretty hopeless. Theresa For divorce advice call: 888-727-9257
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