Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Your thoughts? I'm thinking no, because I say 'dudes' sometimes and it doesn't mean I disrespect men. But I dunno...maybe I should be bothered...? I'm talking to this guy from an online dating site (been emailing for about a week and a half) and I just talked to him on the phone for the first time tonight for about 20 minutes. He said 'chicks' several times when referring to women. The first time, he immediately said, "oh, that was...I didn't mean to say 'chicks'...I mean, women." Then I said, "Oh it's no big deal; I say 'dudes' sometimes..." But then in the rest of the conversation, he said it again a bunch of times. "Yeah, some chicks think that..." He seems like a nice person. Would you be bothered, though? He's late 20s, by the way.
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 By the way, men can chime in on this, too. Just thought I'd address the women.
reallyhotguy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 "Chick" rhymes with "prick", which is a pretty good mnemonic device. 1
veggirl Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Hm. Never thought about this. I say dude a lot! I guess it'd be pretty hypocritical to be offended by chicks. It certainly wouldn't turn me on or anything, lol, but I guess it wouldn't bother me terribly.
Imageiko Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 It's just lower quality diction. So the red flag would be maybe lower education if that's a red flag for you or not. I not think specifically referring to women as chicks means anything on its own.
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) It's just lower quality diction. So the red flag would be maybe lower education if that's a red flag for you or not. I not think specifically referring to women as chicks means anything on its own. I know, that's sort of what I'm thinking. I know I do say 'dudes' occasionally, but I'm thinking I say it when I'm clearly slumming with my closest friends and purposefully trying to be a bit funny, or even in my personal journal. I don't say it just in ordinary conversation. And that's not even because I'm purposefully trying not to say 'dudes'; I just naturally don't say 'dudes' when talking about men and guys in general. I say 'guys' and 'men'. The guy in question seems very nice, but when I think to my last two quality boyfriends, they didn't talk like that. The said 'women' -- or even 'girls' -- but not 'chicks'. Edited February 25, 2012 by Jane2011
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 p.s. Maybe I'm just looking for excuses to not like him. Hmmm....
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 It bugs, and IMO makes the person saying it seem not so smart.
Woggle Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Like everything else it depends on how attracted she is to the guy.
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Sometimes it's just a verbal habit. But it bugs me, too, and I've been thinking about it lately. I don't know... It seems a bit more "sexualized" perhaps than using "girls" or "women"? Actually, the direct translation in my mother language doesn't sound very good either.
phineas Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I say "chick" only because it amuses me to see their reaction when I say it.
carhill Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 'Chick' was very common in the 60's and 70's IME as a young man then. 'Gal' less so, but I recall friend's parents using it fairly often. 'Cruise the main and pick up chicks' was a common phrase we'd use on a night like tonight, Friday night. Such comments and conversations generally went on between young men out of the earshot of the ladies, so far as I can recall. The more crude of the young men would use the word 'broad'. Didn't seem to stop any of them from having girlfriends and later wives, so YMMV I guess.
Star Gazer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Chick doesn't offend me at all, but I do think less of a man who relies on the word to describe females. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I say "chick" only because it amuses me to see their reaction when I say it. Do they look at you like they think you're a dullard? 1
phineas Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Do they look at you like they think you're a dullard? Nah, I lack the slackened jaw & glazed look in my eyes so they know i'm doing it on purpose. It still gets a reaction out of them.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 is it a red flag if a guy keeps calling women 'chicks'? I dunno that the color should be 'red' on that one, for there are far greater concerns which could potentially give cause for much greater alarm about a potential partner. But at the same time most women would be doing themselves a giant favor by simply not getting romantically involved with any guy who does so as the rule rather than the exception. Of course there are hundreds of other traits about which one could make the same generalization and remain accurate. Nobody tends to recognize any of those in the heat of romantic temptation either.
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Chick doesn't offend me at all, but I do think less of a man who relies on the word to describe females. At this point, this is how I feel. I'm not offended; I just think less of him than I did before I heard him saying "chicks" so much. It was at least four times in a 20 minute phone conversation. FYI, this same individual is 6'1" and too tall for me. I'm 5' tall. The tallest I've dated, and am comfortable with, is 5'10" and 5'11" (in fact, those heights are awesome to me). I mentioned our height difference to him on the phone -- not to be awkward, but just to confirm that he's aware. I put it pleasantly/slightly jokingly. "You do know I'm only 5 feet tall, right? You're okay with that?" He said "Yeah, I maybe thought your profile said 5'1" or 5'2" but that's fine. I really don't like dating chicks my height. Their faces just don't look right somehow." He's strange...and that's a fairly rude thing to say about tall women.
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 I just have a feeling he says a lot of offensive stuff. It might not be coming from a malicious place, but if he said all that in 20 minutes, I bet he'll say some even crazier sh*t during a date.
silvermercy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 At this point, this is how I feel. I'm not offended; I just think less of him than I did before I heard him saying "chicks" so much. It was at least four times in a 20 minute phone conversation. FYI, this same individual is 6'1" and too tall for me. I'm 5' tall. The tallest I've dated, and am comfortable with, is 5'10" and 5'11" (in fact, those heights are awesome to me). I mentioned our height difference to him on the phone -- not to be awkward, but just to confirm that he's aware. I put it pleasantly/slightly jokingly. "You do know I'm only 5 feet tall, right? You're okay with that?" He said "Yeah, I maybe thought your profile said 5'1" or 5'2" but that's fine. I really don't like dating chicks my height. Their faces just don't look right somehow." He's strange...and that's a fairly rude thing to say about tall women. After such a comment, I think using the word "chicks" is the least of your concerns. Regardless, I think your gut feeling is trying to tell you something...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 It wouldn't bother me unless that was all he ever used. But once-in-awhile throwing a "chick" in there is completely harmless. Although I will say sometimes it bothers men when guys will call women "girls" all the time and men "men". If you are going to call full grown women "girls", then call men "boys". But if you acknowledge men are "men" past a certain age, then do the same for women and just call them "women". I hope that makes sense.
Engadget Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I get why some see it as an issue, but who cares?
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) I'd see it more of a lack of social skills than a negative word. An adult should be aware when to use appropriate language. If I'm getting to know a woman I'm on my best behavior...this doesn't mean I can't be fun and relaxed but does mean that I'm more aware of the impact of my appearance, hygeine, language, etc. I want a mate with the awareness and ability to slide in and out of social roles...we all do this every day in our lives. Bottom line..the word 'chick' in itself is not the issue. It's the inability to understand that the word might not be appropriate in a given circumstance (thus the doubt put in the mind of the OP). I totally agree. I think the word, in and of itself and when overused, is a problem, too. But what concerns me more is that he doesn't know better than to not use it that many times in a 20-minute time span to a person he's just talking to for the first time. Same with his "their faces just don't look right" comment about tall women. (see one of my previous posts). Edited February 25, 2012 by Jane2011
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 I'd see it more of a lack of social skills than a negative word. An adult should be aware when to use appropriate language. If I'm getting to know a woman I'm on my best behavior...this doesn't mean I can't be fun and relaxed but does mean that I'm more aware of the impact of my appearance, hygeine, language, etc. I want a mate with the awareness and ability to slide in and out of social roles...we all do this every day in our lives. Bottom line..the word 'chick' in itself is not the issue. It's the inability to understand that the word might not be appropriate in a given circumstance (thus the doubt put in the mind of the OP). Another example is yesterday evening when I was talking to him, a few things came up which reminded me of incidents/scenarios/etc. related to my ex boyfriend. I wanted to convey the concept/experience, but I didn't want to make references to my 'ex' when talking to a new guy. So I referred to my ex as a friend, and in one case even turned my ex-boyfriend into a "she" as if it were a female friend. I employed language adaptations (ultimately harmless) for the sake of social appropriateness. With regard to his "their faces don't look right" comment, if he wanted to convey that he wasn't attracted to women his height, he should have said, "No, I don't mind that you're petite. I actually don't usually date women my height anyway. For whatever reason, I often just don't find them attractive, not sure why..." Saying "their faces just don't look right" -- WTF?
Author Jane2011 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Wow, this is crazy. I am a female and see nothing offensive about the word "chicks" or even "heinas" (it's slang). At least he didn't use "hoe", which believe it or not, some guys do. Chick is not offensive. I say "dude" all the time". I also say "yo" too and I'm in my thirties... It's just slang. It's not a big deal. Him saying he doesn't like the faces of tall girls isn't offensive either; don't see why that is so terrible. If he thinks their faces are ugly; well, that's just what he thinks. Wow; people get offended for the most minute, insignificant things. The only people who would be offended by "chicks" would be either really conservative or intellectual and pretentious (always having to use proper grammar etc). I guess I'm picky and critical. In fact, yeah, I know I am. But right or wrong, I think less of the guy now. Also, it's only natural that different people are going to have different standards. Mine are different from yours.
reallyhotguy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Wow, this is crazy. I am a female and see nothing offensive about the word "chicks" or even "heinas" (it's slang). At least he didn't use "hoe", which believe it or not, some guys do. Chick is not offensive. I say "dude" all the time". I also say "yo" too and I'm in my thirties... It's just slang. It's not a big deal. Him saying he doesn't like the faces of tall girls isn't offensive either; don't see why that is so terrible. If he thinks their faces are ugly; well, that's just what he thinks. Wow; people get offended for the most minute, insignificant things. The only people who would be offended by "chicks" would be either really conservative or intellectual and pretentious (always having to use proper grammar etc). Who said anything about taking offense? Really, I dare you, identify the post in this thread that says "I take offense to being called a chick." I'd say it's far more pretentious to declare outrage at insignificant **** on the internet that's not even true. The question is: "is this a red flag" -- as in, is this characteristic a sign of someone I should be dating? And of course, that's a relative question, which only one person can answer (the OP). So the best anyone can do is offer their opinion. Where I'm from, "dude" is common slang, but referring to a girl as a "chick" comes across really out of touch -- which makes comparing "dude" with "chick", just because they happen to both be gendered, total nonsense. So yes, I would consider it a red flag, because I've never met anyone who regularly says "chicks" who is also an awesome, interesting, hot guy. Your experience may differ. Edited February 25, 2012 by reallyhotguy
Recommended Posts