SC Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I finally managed to speak with my ex and asked her for another chance. But unfortunately she said no. 'It's not you, it's me' situation, but I still feel like I influenced her. Anyway that was last week, but I still cant get her out of my head. I really want to be friends with her and it was working until I asked her out again, so it can still work. Butin my mind I'm confused. I loved Rachel, she is basically perfect to me. She is such a high standard in terms of popularity, academics, sex, attractiveness, and sweetness. I really want to meet someone who is very similar to Rachel in these terms as she has everything in a woman that I would want to marry. However, I know that these people are not easy to find. I won't be satisfied with someone who isn't to the same standard. I feel that I just wouldn't love them like her. But I'm the type of person that needs to have a girlfriend, and to feel loved. I feel lonely without someone, and it really makes me sad. Most people just say 'it's not worth it at the end of the day', but to me it is. I know how it felt with Rachel, and I want to feel it again with someone else. At the same time I'm kinda feeling sexually frustrated. OK, it's only been two months since, but that seems so long ago. But I don't want to rebound or just take someone home, or be taken home. To me, sex must have a mental feeling as well as physical. It means a lot if someone can trust me enough to allow me in, and if I was to sleep with someone who doesn't share the same feelings I would lose them as well, and I don't want that to happen. I really miss Rachel. I'd absolutely love to have her back, she meant so much to me. The relationship now though has to stay in the past. I just know that I need someone with similar qualities to Rachel, and soon. Yes, I do want sex in a relationship, even out of a relationship. But I'm not the type to sleep around, yet I feel frustrated. I'm so confused. If you have been or are in a similar situation please share it with me, and if you've overcome it please tell me how, or write a book.
meanttolive4ever Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 i got the same excuse "its not you its me" im still confused about it. i need to move on but i cant.
Author SC Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever i got the same excuse "its not you its me" im still confused about it. i need to move on but i cant. I got a reason. It was that she changed throughout the relationship. She realised that she couldn't support anyone else while she is trying to get to university, and start an entirely new life away. She has become 'cynical' over relationships. I don't care what she says on that, I still influenced that change, I needed her too much. I was going through a really **** time, ok i didnt help myself much but I didn't know how to deal with it and the thought of me following her to university scared her. That's why she's dumped me. If the crap hadnt had happened to me we'd more than likely still be together. I'm not following her specifically, it's more for self actualisation as the uni I'm at isn't in comparison to this other one and I want to go so I know I've made the most of my life. I kinda want to follow in her footsteps, not her specifically if that makes any sense. But she's left me, she was nice with me when she said no and that she was very sorry. I miss her so much I can't really think of much else at the moment. When I go out normally I would be interested in other girls, but I just can't think like that anymore and it's awful because I feel so lonely yet I can't imagine being with anyone else at the moment. I want to pull or be with someone as soon as possible, because I feel it will help me get over Rachel. But I know if I rush it I will make the wrong choice and it will just be a rebound. This sounds mean but if I did pull someone else I'd love it if Rachel watched (kissing I mean) so she may feel the loss a bit more. That's awful but it may make her think, either that or she'll just be uncomfortable with me. I'm in a catch 22 situation I need to be loved as soon as possible but it has to be the right person, and that can't be rushed. My friends are going home from uni and she's oing her A levels now so it makes things worse. I can't go home for personal reasons, kinda actually the basis of everything that's happened. I'm lost and confused. If I don't find someone soon I know Rachel will haunt me in my mind, and its an awful feeling.
LoveHerMadly Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever i got the same excuse "its not you its me" im still confused about it. i need to move on but i cant. There seems to be alot of this going around... I think it is something in the water
Recommended Posts