FearfulFuture Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I am so ready to do this no contact thing, it sounds like the only way to deal with issues at the moment but i would like to know what the rules are before i end up getting it wrong and feeling super low all over again. My two main issues are; 1) My ex is moving out of 'our' apartment and into a place in the exact same town. That means close proximity and the awful chances of bumping into her during weekends when we are out with friends, me to keep busy and no doubt her looking for guys (just my skeptical mind). How do i keep up no contact in this scenario apart from the obvious go out elsewhere which is tough as there isn't much else around for many miles? The thought of seeing her picking up other men would surely kill me! 2) As we have been living together there is a lot to sort out (paperwork, money etc) Although she is moving out soon we have to finalize things over the coming weeks. Obviously i have to communicate on this issue but after that if she texts or calls regarding anything important, would NC be seen as me ignoring someone? Just a little guidance on how to maintain NC on that would be so much help! Many thanks.
LogicallyIllogical Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well, it sounds as if you were the dumpee or just aren't over her yet. If that's the case, you need to sever contact with her. If she broke up with you, she has to win you back if she wants something with you in the future. If not, the NC will help you heal. Either way, NC is the way to go. No contact means exactly that. Don't call her. Don't text. Don't e-mail. Don't write letters. Don't talk to her if you see her. If you guys live in a small town and there's a chance of running into her, try to avoid the places you think she would frequent and go to a place you would be less likely to see her. If you do bump into her, try to act as if she doesn't exist, no matter how much it hurts. If she approaches you, stay strong and don't portay yourself as hurt or weak. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing that. Keep it short, sweet and give off the impression that you're living your life and doing just fine without her.
mike588 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I agree! My ex. dumped me 7 months ago and 1 week after the breakup I went strict N.C. ....It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but well worth it. So many..many times I came soooo close to breaking N.C. but resisted and was able to move on quicker. I gave up ever hearing from her..moved on..rarely thought of her anymore then out of the blue last month she contacts me by email saying she is so sorry for hurting me...that I was so good to her blah blah blah. My advise if you want her back or not....Go strict N.C. no matter how hard it is...move on..look out for yourself...In NO WAY call..text..email her period!! One day when you least expect there is a good chance you'll hear from her.
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Of course NC will be seen as ignoring someone. It is supposed to. If she texts you, calls you, or leaves a voice mail, ignore it. That's what NC is. NC doesn't just mean for you to stop contact. It means to ignore and not respond to contact from her. What do you mean by her texting you about something important? Once you clear up and finalize things, why would she need to contact you? If she contacts you about something like forgetting something at your place, don't respond but have a friend drop off the item to her. If you are worried that NC is going to look like you are ignoring her, than don't bother with NC and continue to suffer. NC will get you to heal. Don't look for excuses to break it.
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I agree! My ex. dumped me 7 months ago and 1 week after the breakup I went strict N.C. ....It was one of the hardest things I've ever done but well worth it. So many..many times I came soooo close to breaking N.C. but resisted and was able to move on quicker. I gave up ever hearing from her..moved on..rarely thought of her anymore then out of the blue last month she contacts me by email saying she is so sorry for hurting me...that I was so good to her blah blah blah. Mike, so how did that make you feel. You must have got at least a little ego boost. Did her contacting you set you back even a little bit? Did you reply back?
Mr Scorpio Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Just a little guidance on how to maintain NC on that would be so much help! Many thanks. There are no hard and fast rules to NC. It sounds as though you may have to wait until your paperwork/finances are worked out before you can implement it. If you want to avoid seeing her trying to pickup other guys, don't go to a bar/club where she will be. The fact that there may not be much else around doesn't make a difference. If you think there is a chance of running into her then don't go. Invite friends over, watch moves, play videogames, read books, hit up a gym, or drive far enough away from your HQ that you can feel safe about not running into her.
Frank13 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 If you are worried that NC is going to look like you are ignoring her, than don't bother with NC and continue to suffer. NC will get you to heal. Don't look for excuses to break it. Oh, and one more thing. Don't tell her you are going NC. Just do it. That will show you are strong and are going on with your life without her. If worse comes to worse and you must tell her you are going NC, just say you are doing it to get on with your life. Don't say it hurts too much or is painful to stay in contact with her. That just shows you as being clingy, needy and gives her the validation she needs to move on knowing you are pining for her.
mike588 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Mike, so how did that make you feel. You must have got at least a little ego boost. Did her contacting you set you back even a little bit? Did you reply back? Yes I got an ego boost but at the same time it brought back and stirred up all those emotions again...the good times we shared and the awful pain I went thru and yes it set me back alittle...just alittle. I finally replyed back and am curious what she will do/say next. I so badly wanted to hear from her...hoped and prayed for it for several months after she dumped me but I'd moved on and put it/her behind me. I now wish she wouldn't of....be careful what you wish for...you may just get it!
Frank13 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 Thanks Mike. I have been NC 7 weeks and I haven't heard from her, which is exactly how I want it. She made a couple half assed attempts at contact at the beginning and nothing since, which tells me how little I meant to her, so I don't expect to be hearing from her. I just wanted to know what to expect if she contacts me 6 months down the road. I think for me it is best to stay NC forever.
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