Girlfriend scared of getting attached

[whatever136]

Hey guys, new here.

 

I started dating my girlfriend about a month ago, but have been friends for a long time before that (years). Things have been going really well. She likes me a lot and I like her a lot. If truth be told, I think I'm falling for her.

 

However, I'm slightly confused at times as to how she really feels. There will be some nights when she's all over me and expresses how happy she is to be with me and that I treat her so well. Her roommates have even told me that she tells them all the time how nice I am and how I'm the best guy that she's ever dated.

 

But then on some occasions it seems like she almost tries to distance herself a little because maybe she's scared of getting too close to me. She has admitted she's afraid of getting attached to me and I asked her why, but she said she wasn't sure. I'm sure it has to do with her past and past relationships as she has had some rough endings, but at the same time I tend to overthink things and worry if maybe she isn't sure if she's really truly into me like I am her.

 

Another possibly significant detail is that she was really hesitant to enter an "official relationship" with me at first, but ever since we started dating she's told me many times how happy she is that we are official now and that she's glad she made that choice.

 

With that being said, is there anything I should do to make her more comfortable with getting close to me? Or is it something that will just take time? I guess I'm coming on here to ask for advice because I really like and care for this girl and even though we haven't been dating for that long, I'm starting to really believe I can see myself having a future with her.

 

Any words of advice are greatly appreciated!

[veggirl]

I don't have time for that kinda stuff, personally. If a guy i recently started dating said he was scared to get attached, I would walk away because to me that means he wants to keep his options open or he is still so hurt/wounded by something in his past that he is not ready for a relationship. I want someone who is emotionally healthy and ready for a real relationship. If you want the same, move on from her. You'll probably spend most of this relationship fighting the hot/cold feelings from her and chasing her.

[Eddie Edirol]

She has admitted she's afraid of getting attached to me and I asked her why, but she said she wasn't sure.

 

Im suspicious. If she says she wasnt sure, it means she knows, but doesnt want to admit it to you. I dont think the problem is that shes afraid of getting attached to you, I think that she doesnt want to get attached to you. Its possible that she could be holding back because of being burned, but usually, when it comes to emotions, you cant help but get attached to someone you really like.

 

I think she isnt over he last breakup, and doesnt really like you that much, regardless what she tells you. I think she is using you as a rebound, and knows that she should get attached to you because youre a good guy, but you must not be her type, and she is dating you to avoid being alone.

 

When the words dont match the actions, thats when you look at the situation closely. Its not romantic to be suspicious, but you have to avoid getting burned, especially when you feel like youre falling for her.

 

I could be wrong, plenty of people wont see it the way I do, but just in case I am, dont make yourself so available. Leave a lil mystery. Make her earn your heart, dont just hand it to her. That is a turn off, and could be contributing to her distance. Dont just tell her you like her, back off a lil bit. Dont see her as much. You might not be giving her enough time to miss you. Back off and take things easy, and see if she comes around. In the meantime, try not to fall for her until you know for sure that she is falling for you first. You dont need to get burned in case she has a different agenda.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You're on shaky ground right now, so I definitely wouldn't try to press this.

 

I also believe she isn't over the past, and probably still in love with the guy. Most women react two ways after they are left jaded from the past relationship;

 

A) super cautious and resistant to anything that feels too emotional and significant because there are conflicting emotions and just too many things going on. However they feel compelled by the emotions they have with you and a matter of time they would start to develop towards you more significantly

 

B) vulnerable and helpless, being an easy prey for a rebound or some guy to come swoop in and make them feel better and valued...which can lead to some sporadic dating and odd choices in people they normally wouldn't date

 

I suspect you to be dealing with B more than A. You haven't really triggered any powerful and overwhelming emotional response from her so she's still able to keep things feeling for the most part safe and under control...a luxury she has not had in the past, which makes her feel good but also like something is missing

 

You can bet your silly pants she knows why she cannot, she's just not willing to say...she definitely sounds like she does in this situation.

 

I'm not sure for your own good you should really get too wrapped up into this girl, I think she can really pull the rug out from underneath you and you're being way too of a nice, predictable guy that she already feels like she has it figured out. You need to be less accommodating and easy to read, less expressive of your positives feelings and more open about your negative feelings as well, don't just try and make some nice and peachy relationship so she can see how much better of a choice you are, that's just not how women work, you gotta give them something to think about...something to be desired, for some men this comes natural for others they have to spend time fabricating this a bit.

 

I know that's not right...It should be simple, but IF you want simple then you should start looking past her, because this girl already has baggage and she doesn't sound crazy about you...and you can't make someone crazy about you, I don't think in the end she'll choose to be with you...I think she'll sabotage it before It gets too deep.

 

I know you want to hear another answer though...so just give her time, and maybe she'll learn to value and trust you more, allowing herself to try and have a deeper emotional relationship.

[whatever136]

As I said, any words of advice are greatly appreciated and yea, while these answers haven't made me feel very well at all, this has definitely been a much needed reality check and I thank you all....I will definitely proceed with caution from here on out with this girl...