b18bme Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I really need some help right now? I am so lost in my relationship and I have no idea what to do. Let me explain how things are for me. Me and my girl were together for 1 1/2 years. The other day she says she needs a break. I was like huh? Are you serious? She says she needs the break to finish up graduating, and to spend time with her friends as she feels she has kinda left that part of her life out since we got together. I was devastated. I could not handle this because we were really close. Well you see she is now graduated and nothing changed. I admit I did not give her the space in the beginning, but she cant answer any of my questions. She now says she just doesn't want a boyfriend right now. But yesterday she then tells me that chances are very good we will get back together. And she talks about what she wants to do with me this summer. I have been for the last couple of days giving her the space she wants but it feels like this might be an easy way to just kinda let things fizzle out between us, just a easy way of letting go. This has really had a big impact on me. We went out last night to get some dinner and she apologized cuz although I was not showing I was hurt she said she could see so much pain in my eyes and she is so sorry for what she is doing. I told her not to be sorry cuz she needs to do for her and if I am not in those plans then then there is no need to be sorry. I told her that she is the one she needs to worry about and not me cuz i will somehow overcome all of this. I just don't know what to do cuz giving space is really hard when all I wanna do is talk with her, and see how her day went, and tell her good night before I go to sleep, and just spend my time with her. See it is so much easier on her cuz she has lots of friends to go out with and party with. I pretty much don't wanna hang out with the people I use to cuz I will just fall back into drugs, and partying. She was my help in getting away from those things. It just does not seem like all of this is really affecting her. So really all I do is just sit out home and think about everything. I have thought so many things over and have really gone through and looked out how I was and how I could change to make me a better person in the relationship. I just don't know if I should hold on and see what happens or if I should put closure on it and move on? Does giving space really work to help things? When I call we only have small talk, I just don't feel like I can really start to heal until there is closure on the relationship.
Brian83 Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I kind of just heard the same thing from my girlfriend ... or ex-girlfriend ... I don't know what to call her because I'm still giving her space. Things were going great and seemed like they were on the right track until the graduation time came about and she started spacing herself from me. She also hasn't really seemed afftected by all of this, but then again, she could just be putting on a front. I definitely know the feeling, in any case. I call her every couple of days, maybe, and the conversations are brief ... mostly because it seems like she wants to get off of the phone. I also realize a lot of things I could have done or things I could do to change for the better ... but you kind of just have to cross your fingers and hope that she comes back to you. Maybe she'll realize after this time apart that she misses you more than she planned on missing you... or something like that. Hey, I know this is hard, but you are not alone in this. I know you probably just want the whole thing to just ... drop ... so you can be together with her again. It's tough. Stay strong though. Talk to people about it. Maybe plan non-suggestive outings with her ... like taking a walk around a park or something ... an outing where you two can just talk. I suggest trying to stray from talking about the time apart, though. Just ask her how she has been and tell her what you have been up to, and such. Keep things on a lighter note. See, in my situation, we have hung out every couple of days and like ... I saw each of those days as an opportunity to get back together with her ... I should have just given her space. Now I have to work on being able to go out with her again on a casual outing, even, because she doesn't want me to think that her spending time with me during this whole situation is a sign that she wants to get back together with me. Makes more sense now than it did when I was in the initial stages of blind panic. This isn't supposed to be easy ... but time will tell ... and time will heal. I really hope it all works out for you. - Brian
Author b18bme Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 Thanks for the info, everything is just so much easier then said. I have my ups and downs but the worst is righ before bed and right when I wake up. She wants her space but we still seem one way or another to talk atleast once a day. I am thinking of just absolutely not talking to her for a couple of days. We have in the entire 1 1/2 years never gone more then 1 day withoug atleast sending eachother text messages or something. I just want to show her how having space really is. I really don't think she realized that wanting space entitles: not talking and possibly me moving on. If I dont talk to her for a couple of days I think she will try and contact me extra hard. What do you think?
Brian83 Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 Breaking off contact with her for a lil' while might end up helping you both out in the long run ... but I don't know the situation in its entirety ... and I think I should toss in the idea of her maybe going the other direction. Like, if you cut off contact and like ... a week later ... still no call ... or two weeks later and still no call, you know? You have to be prepared for something like that, and the only way you can do that is to continue going about your daily business. If she calls, then great. In my situation, at least so far, it seems like each time I contact her ... she seems so impartial to the whole thing ... like the time apart isn't affecting her at all ... and it hurts ... but I have to go on. I can't just sit around and wait for her to come around. Just be prepared. It's tough thinking that your only defense/offense is to just ... wait. But who knows what is to come. Good luck man. - Brian
Author b18bme Posted June 6, 2004 Author Posted June 6, 2004 Thanks for helping, Why are women so mean to us guys? I dont think she really knows what she is doing to me. Well I am sorry for your situation with your girl but hey atleast we are not alone in all of this. We can come here and talk to people that care to listen. Everybody else is getting sick of me talking about it. I guess time can only tell. It does seem when we talk like she really does not wanna be on the phone and she is always saying she has to go. The text messages are getting less and less frequent and when they do come they get shorter and shorter. Goodluck to you
nitram100 Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 Put your time into something like weightlifting, to get your frustration out of ya, seriously. Just dont contact her for a week or so, its hard trust me i know. But once she realises that you can go on without her, she will most probably get back with you. Worked for me.
AZNNTYCE Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 i totally understand how u guyz feel. my gf just told me that she needs some time go study for her exams... me really bummed out atm.
Author b18bme Posted June 7, 2004 Author Posted June 7, 2004 Well it happened last night we started talking and she finally got to the point that she does not want a serious relationship at this point in time anymore. She said it kinda just hit her one day. It took all of this time of just waiting for her to tell me that. I feel and so lost. She said she just does not want anyone right now. She told me to let go of her. So that is what I have to do. I really feel like my heart is broken. Me and her did everything together. She was always the one who talked about being together forever and it used to scare me then I finally excepted that. Now she doesn't want to anymore. The roles seriously flipped in a matter of weeks. Now I am the one feeling like crap. She says she wants fate to determine what happens. She says if we are meant to be then we will get back together. I would seriously give anything to have my girl back, so I guess the only thing I can give is what she wants, and thats not me. Something inside tells me she will probably never come back. How do I cope with all of this? I am gonna start hitting the gym real hard but what else can I do????????????
AZNNTYCE Posted June 7, 2004 Posted June 7, 2004 hey man, im really sorry to hear about it. i know how u feel. ive been through something exactly like your situation. just igve it some time and just take it as it comes.
Brian83 Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Hey dude, I'm sorry to hear that. I heard something very similiar in my situation. Look, it must seem like such a mad world right now, but you'll bounce back. If you get tired of going to the gym and stuff ... try looking into some volunteer options in your community. I'll tell ya, I tried a volunteer thing with the fish and game where you go around and teach kids how to fish and stuff, and like ... it's a real spirit cleanser. It's a way to keep yourself occupied and help someone out at the same time. I'm only about a week into this whole ... break up thing ... and like ... I kind of already feel better about it. It still hurts ... it may hold a place in my heart for the rest of my life ... but I'll continue on and grow from all of this. It's supposed to hurt. If I may suggest a good movie to watch amidst all of this ... Swingers. If you haven't seen it, I suggest watching it. I watched it the other day off of a suggestion by a friend and it made a lot of sense. It's about a dude trying to get back into the swing of everyday life after breaking up with a girl he had been with for six years. There's always sunshine after the rain. I don't think I can really say anything to make you feel better. Maybe you could write down your feelings ... like in a journal or something. Talking or writing about it ... whether or not anyone is listening or reading ... could help out. Take it easy bro. You'll feel better in time. - Brian
Author b18bme Posted June 8, 2004 Author Posted June 8, 2004 Well everyone thanks for the help but I still need more. I talked with the ex last night to see if I am still invited to her graduation party and she said yes. She said it was from 6 to 8. I asked if I could come over early cuz i get off at 3 and she lives 1/2 hour away and my work is near her house. She said no because I am going to a camping party on thursday and I wont be back untill just in time to get ready for my party. Geez she is already moving along so much better then me. She goes to a different party or barbeque every night. Then a camping party sleeping over in the mountains with a bunch of drunken men when she is drunk. That is a slap in the face. I told her to keep her Morals during her freedom stage, so if and when whe get back together I will still feel like I love her and that she is a good clean person still. She got a little upset about that and said Just because I am not with you does not mean I am gonna go sleep with all sorts of guys. I replied with Dayna that is not what I am saying, just keep clean you owe it to yourself stay safe and smart. I am not going to call her or text her untill friday. It has almost been a day since we talked last and it is hard because I wanna call her. It is Tuesday and her party is on Friday. We have never gone more then 2 days without talking in a year and a half. Me and my mom made a pact, when I want to call or talk to Dayna I have to call my Mom first to talk things over with her. I think that should help. Guys please keep helping, Please!
AZNNTYCE Posted June 8, 2004 Posted June 8, 2004 hrmm.... maybe she's acting like this cause she knows that you will always be there... i think you should try and not contact her at all, i know its hard but you need to be strong. in the end, the situation might reverse and she might see that your having fun without her and things might turn over. the party is going to be a tough one. you should go with a friend all two and have fun with them, instead of trying to be with her all night.
nitram100 Posted June 10, 2004 Posted June 10, 2004 b18bme, I know exactly how you are feeling, you just have to be strong and fight the temptation and not contact her, exact same thing happened to me, the thing that hurt me most was the feeling of her being able to go on normally without speaking to me etc, so when ever i found my self getting upset, i instantly forced my self to turn it into anger and think to my self, "i dont deserve this.. i deserve to be treated better, f**k her, she needs me" and start pumpin some weights, think stuff like that and it will be easy not to call her. With my girl it lasted about a week, and what can i say, it worked, we're fine now, she came runnin back. If worst comes to worst and she really doesnt call, i know its hard, but dont waste time on someone who doesnt want to be with you. There are other women out there that will apreciate you for who you are and love you more than this girl ever did man! Take it ezi bro
Recommended Posts