Outoftouch Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 My boyfriend lies.. not just about small things, but everything. At the beginning of the year I gave him a clean slate. We had some issues last year, and I had thought we had worked through them. Unfortunately soon after I tried to let it all go, he lied about something he bought. He said his mom sent it to him, and that the email I saw was something he bought me. (The same day he lied, he hopped back on and bought me something to cover his lie) I knew what it was, because I checked the website he got it from. With this lie he had to lie to me, and my family. This I was going to let go. Then came a second time, when he lied straight to my face about using the credit card to feel up his tank. I found the receipt when I was doing laundry. 2nd time, but I decided to give him yet another chance. This past time was a doozy. It started by him calling UPS when I was drying my hair. I happen to want to ask him something and walked in on him asking when he could pick it up. At first he said, it was none of my business. Then after feeling bad he said his mom sent him something, and I had my suspicions. A couple hours later he said he would never lie to me again, or cause suspicion. We got home from grocery shopping and he went to pay the electric bill. He was gone at least 15 minutes, and the place is less than half a mile away. He said it was busy and that he "ran into a friend" I found out later, that when his friend called he talked to him about the same things. He went to the UPS store. He changed his email, and locked his phone so I couldn't check. Valentines came and he said that he had purchased me an ipod an that is what the UPS was delivering, but he sent it back. Today he left his email up, and I saw the confirmation there was nothing but his own crap. I'm tired of his lies, and all I want it the truth. I hate confrontation, but I really don't know what to do. I went through his emails, and invaded his privacy. I wouldn't have had to if I didn't feel so crappy. I need some advice on what to do. I love him with all my heart, but I hate being lied to.
wcutu Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You need to walk away from this relationship. I married a man like this. He still lies 20 years later. It is devastating! I, too, gave him chances because I thought he was capable of change. People who need to lie, NEED to lie. You can't fix that broken part of him. It is not your fault no matter what he may say. Try to build a relationship with someone who has healthier coping skills. He is showing you this is who he is. Believe him.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Look...you might as well at this point face the fact that he's just going to lie to you the entire relationship, why do you think you can change him? If he was an alcoholic for 10 years do you think your mere presence would prevent him from drinking? You're very unrealistic and there's a lot of wishful thinking in your whole plan to make him stop...he's going to stop lying when he wants to, not when you tell him to or try and make him or try and tell him how much it bothers you and you don't like it. Obviously you don't like it but you're still sticking around, I'm sure you've been dragged long enough now where he probably doesn't even take you seriously..and for him why change then? you're always there anyway, and you love him so you're not going anywhere without a long drawn out break up process where you finally face the reality and leave the guy...but that can be months, years, or decades from now...who knows. The one thing you can count on though, is that he will continue to lie...regardless of how many promises to make and regardless of whether he even wants to or not...he probably lies without even acknowledging it, it's just a normal pattern for him. So you need to realize the issue is bigger than you, you can't just come in and change a man, just because you said so. There's nothing you can do other than to just deal with it and accept it. However he's probably doing other things behind your back, and his lies aren't even any good, more comical than realistic..I'm not sure how you don't laugh at him when he opens his mouth with his excuses or laugh at yourself for believing them. I don't understand why women want to compile all these arguments and substantial evidence to prove an obvious case. You don't need to uncover the mystery and play detective when everyone can see that he is just a plain liar and will continue to be...the only person who's really surprised and expecting something different is you. You can't change people, and because you're afraid of confrontation that means you're probably afraid to speak up and put your foot down...so men will use you and walk all over you until you get a backbone and really let someone know it's not ok...at least then people would consider changing or try harder, out of the fear of losing you...but you're just a docile little dove that's whining and crying about but won't do anything about it in the end...and he understands this all too well which is why he disrespects you with some of the poorest and stupidest excuses anyone could come up with...Judge Judy would tear him a new *******, she wouldn't fall for that crap for a half a second that you put up with daily. Dump this guy, or be a doormat.
Imajerk17 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I admit to being confused here. So, what exactly was he trying to cover up? Buying something for himself with his own money?
Krios Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I wouldn't have had to if I didn't feel so crappy. I need some advice on what to do. I love him with all my heart, but I hate being lied to. He sounds like a pathological liar. In my opinion it's not necessarily wrong of you to go through his phone due to the fact that his lying is really an issue and a recurring problem. He's oozing red flags by doing that and he's giving you suspicions that something could be wrong. Perhaps he needs treatment. Other than that it would perhaps be best for you to break up, for your own sake. However, that probably wouldn't stop him from lying to his next girlfriend.
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