Guy A....So !

[HeartOnSleeve]

Since literally last Friday, he has been acting different. Not as communicative, didn't see him once this week and didn't hear from him at all yesterday. It's like night and day from the last month. I would love to ask him why the sudden change, but I'm too nervous. After seeing someone for a month don't you think you owe it to the person to at least shoot them a text or call and say hey...I'm just not interested, good luck. I mean that's what I do because I think it's so rude to leave someone hanging.

 

Thoughts? Should I contact him??? and just say "hey, hope everything ok?". I feel like the minute I put my guard down with someone they stomp all over it.

[Negative Nancy]

dont worry, it happens to all of us...i agree it's rude, but i wouldnt chase him. unless he's in jail or in a coma, there's absolutely no excuse or reason as to why he would stop contacting you all of a sudden...other than he is not interested anymore. he would probably come up with a ton of lame reasons that you really don't wanna hear...so your best bet is to cut him out and move on.

[Eddie Edirol]

Have you always said straight up to men that you lost interest in, that you lost interest in them? It doesnt work, they always try to prove themselves, and then they usually glom onto you more then if you just try to fade away.

 

Your best bet is to leave him alone, dont call him, leave the ball in his court, you dont need closure.

[Imajerk17]

I always hate to read these types of stories, because in it the person suddenly pulling away is sabotaging what could be a great relationship.

 

I've done something like this before myself. He pursued you because he was attracted to you. Now he is pulling back because even though you're the same person he was attracted to before, now he is freaking out about the prospect of actually being in a relationship.

 

I think it actually shows more self-respect on your part to send him that text. Something isn't right and you are due an answer.

[Ranchero44]

I always hate to read these types of stories, because in it the person suddenly pulling away is sabotaging what could be a great relationship.

 

I've done something like this before myself. He pursued you because he was attracted to you. Now he is pulling back because even though you're the same person he was attracted to before, now he is freaking out about the prospect of actually being in a relationship.

 

I think it actually shows more self-respect on your part to send him that text. Something isn't right and you are due an answer.

 

Trust me, this happens to everyone at some point along the dating road. Yes! I think after a month of dating the guy owes you a simple text or email stating that he is no longer interested. I think it is completely fair to expect that. This has happened to me a couple of times, and I don't know what is running through someone's head when they decide to just up and disappear, leaving the other person hanging.

 

Take Imajerk's advice and send him that text. Don't sit around totally disempowered and playing a guessing game. Just text him and ask what happened. Look at it this way: The guy clearly is not interested. You are not going to lose anything you haven't already lost by texting him. But you will feel less helpless. Just do it for you--for your own peace of mind.

 

And don't ever, ever treat anyone else like that in the future. Now you know how it feels. There will be guys you are not interested in. Treat them with dignity and respect. The best thing we can take away from crap like this is a firm resolution to be better people ourselves.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Who was the last to initiate contact? If it was him, I think you could send a "What's up?" type of text. Some guys get sick of doing all the initiating. I wouldn't send something like "Is everything ok?" as it sounds a bit needy.

 

If you have been initiating most of the contact or initiated last, I'd leave the ball in his court. He'll get in touch with you if he really wants to.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Thanks Imajerk and Rachero....yeah I always inform men when I am no longer interested. It's not fair to make someone feel crappy and helpless. This is not the first time this has happened to me so I know i'm not the only one, but I think I am fed up with men (and women) that do this because it's just so unnecessary. We are all adults and are capable of handling rejection...but the silent type is the worst!

 

I'm in favor of sending something to him, but again...I'm just not sure my exact wording just yet. I'm thinking out loud here, but along the lines of...4 totally different styles...haha.

 

1."Hope you are having a great Friday! Still interested in getting together again?"

 

2."Hey, did I do something that upset you/bothered you?, Hope not. Happy Friday".

 

3."Hey Stranger ;)"

 

4. "Curious if you are still interested? No worries if not"

 

Kissandmakeup....He used to initiate all the contact at first and was great, so once I was comfortable I started to step mine up so that he wasn't doing it all...I hate games! I never made him wait for an answer or anything, really until this week when I felt him pulling away. I'm pretty fair and easy going when it comes to dating and relationships. I don't smother men or try and hang out 24/7.

[Ranchero44]

 

4. "Curious if you are still interested? No worries if not"

 

 

I like this one. It is almost exactly like a text a sent once, and I got a straight answer. I'm always in favor of texts that will basically encourage a straight answer. This one basically asks him to level with you.

 

He would probably respond to the others in a vague way, and that will make you even crazier wondering what is going on.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Thanks Imajerk and Rachero....yeah I always inform men when I am no longer interested. It's not fair to make someone feel crappy and helpless. This is not the first time this has happened to me so I know i'm not the only one, but I think I am fed up with men (and women) that do this because it's just so unnecessary. We are all adults and are capable of handling rejection...but the silent type is the worst!

 

I'm in favor of sending something to him, but again...I'm just not sure my exact wording just yet. I'm thinking out loud here, but along the lines of...4 totally different styles...haha.

 

1."Hope you are having a great Friday! Still interested in getting together again?"

 

2."Hey, did I do something that upset you/bothered you?, Hope not. Happy Friday".

 

3."Hey Stranger ;)"

 

4. "Curious if you are still interested? No worries if not"

 

Kissandmakeup....He used to initiate all the contact at first and was great, so once I was comfortable I started to step mine up so that he wasn't doing it all...I hate games! I never made him wait for an answer or anything, really until this week when I felt him pulling away. I'm pretty fair and easy going when it comes to dating and relationships. I don't smother men or try and hang out 24/7.

 

Yeah it sucks when this happens. I admit in my younger and more naive dating years I did the "fade" to a few guys, but at 24 I can't imagine doing that to someone now. It's just immature and rude to leave someone hanging after a month of dating. I could see if it had been two dates...but it's been over a month.

 

I think all the ideas you proposed are good ones. #2 is good and so is #4. Keep us posted.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Well first of all he just literally texted me and said "so how's your Friday going?"

 

Isn't it awkward to be so distant and then that's all you have to say!

 

#2 & #4 are my favs and I think will have to be used.

 

Thanks everyone...keeps me from going insane...lol. I'm 28 and I remember my mom telling me my whole life "treat others the way you want to be treated". Even after one date, if I wasn't feeling a guy I would send a quick message or a quick call. I did this when I was 18!

[lilyblue]

One of my really good friends did this to me a month and a half after we started dating. He had been a super-contacter for the first month (and for 6 months before we started dating), but then something suddenly changed. I sent him the "hey, everything ok?" text, never got a response. (Turns out he had gone back to his ex-wife - and he still has never told me to this day)

 

I'm not sure which of your 4 options I'd pick. I think #4 is disingenuous. It's not "no worries" or else you wouldn't be worrying about it I wouldn't do #3 because it is very likely it's just him being a coward, don't put the blame on yourself. I wish people wouldn't behave so immaturely and just have the conversation, even if it's hard! (Talking about him, not you)

[HeartOnSleeve]

Ugghhh LillyBlue...if my friend did that to me I would be so upset! Why can't people just be honest with their feelings.

 

I don't think he went back to his ex or this other girl he dated. His ex cheated on him with his friend and he said he wasn't that into the other girl he dated for 3 months so he ended it. He does have a little chip on his shoulder about it.

 

Maybe I should just say "hey stranger, how is your friday?" Or is that kind of rude and snooty?

[HeartOnSleeve]

Jesus F Christmas...why don't you take his text at face value and tell him how your Friday's going?

 

Sorry to frustrate AdamAnt...it's just hard for me to fake it and say how great my fridays going etc. when I'm a little peeved with his actions or should I say lack there of. I WILL respond and I will tell him out my friday is going.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Hmmm...smells like "It's Friday night and I don't have a date." I would just respond to his question and ask him the same, but if he asks you out for tonight or tomorrow night I would say something like "Oh, I hadn't heard from you the past couple days so I made plans for the weekend already. Maybe we can hang out next week some time." You don't want to seem like you were waiting around for him to contact you and make plans with you.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Hmmm...smells like "It's Friday night and I don't have a date." I would just respond to his question and ask him the same, but if he asks you out for tonight or tomorrow night I would say something like "Oh, I hadn't heard from you the past couple days so I made plans for the weekend already. Maybe we can hang out next week some time." You don't want to seem like you were waiting around for him to contact you and make plans with you.

 

Totally! Why does he have to make it so painfully obvious too.

 

Well I do have a crazy weekend ahead so...his loss for not planning ahead if that's what he's thinking

[lilyblue]

Ugghhh LillyBlue...if my friend did that to me I would be so upset! Why can't people just be honest with their feelings.

 

I don't think he went back to his ex or this other girl he dated. His ex cheated on him with his friend and he said he wasn't that into the other girl he dated for 3 months so he ended it. He does have a little chip on his shoulder about it.

 

Maybe I should just say "hey stranger, how is your friday?" Or is that kind of rude and snooty?

 

Oh I was/am so upset! I was just going to say it's been about 5 months since I last heard from him when I realized it's been exactly 5 months in fact. And we had been really good friends for years.

 

I'm not saying this is the case in your situation at all, but I too thought there was NO way he would go back to his ex-wife. It didn't even cross my mind as being an attractive option for him. They had tried to get back together once while separated and that hadn't lasted and by the time we started dating that had been officially divorced for 6 months (separated for about a year and a half). He had told me how much happier he was, etc etc.

 

Anyway, yes, why can't people just be honest!?

 

While I think what he's doing to you is totally rude and trying to hide something, I think the "hey stranger" might come off as a little snooty. Of course, it would be nice if he would just be straightforward to a straightforward question and you wouldn't even have to think twice about what to say to him. I really wish you the best of luck - all the guessing totally sucks, it was almost as bad for me as when he actually disappeared, causing me so much anxiety about what was going on and what he was thinking.

[TheFinalWord]

Yes, I think he can at least provide closure after a solid month.

 

Especially if there was no clear incident but it just came out of the blue.

 

I agree with KissandMakeup for a response.

 

If he gives some lame excuse I think it's okay to call him on it.

 

Him: "Oh I've just been busy"

 

You: "Well we talked regularly and it seems like something changed with you. I thought maybe you lost interest in me"

 

BUT i would really advise not doing this over text. The phone is always better. If he doesn't answer, wait a day or two, then send a text.

 

Over the phone he can't make up phony excuses so easily. Also you won't have misinterpretation. Best of luck to you. I'm sorry he's done this.

 

[kiss_andmakeup]

Yes, I think he can at least provide closure after a solid month.

 

Especially if there was no clear incident but it just came out of the blue.

 

I agree with KissandMakeup for a response.

 

If he gives some lame excuse I think it's okay to call him on it.

 

Him: "Oh I've just been busy"

 

You: "Well we talked regularly and it seems like something changed with you. I thought maybe you lost interest in me"

 

BUT i would really advise not doing this over text. The phone is always better. If he doesn't answer, wait a day or two, then send a text.

 

Over the phone he can't make up phony excuses so easily. Also you won't have misinterpretation. Best of luck to you. I'm sorry he's done this.

 

 

I tend to agree. Do you guys talk on the phone at all?

[HeartOnSleeve]

Yes we do every so often. Both our jobs are not phone friendly and honestly I tend to be the anti phone person...bad I know.

 

True true...maybe i'll just respond how my day is and then see if we can chat to "catch up" later.

[TheFinalWord]

Yes we do every so often. Both our jobs are not phone friendly and honestly I tend to be the anti phone person...bad I know.

 

True true...maybe i'll just respond how my day is and then see if we can chat to "catch up" later.

 

Well, as a man if we had been dating a month and I wasn't able to talk to you and had to break our usual communication pattern, I would call to tell you what's up so you wouldn't be alarmed. Not text, I would call. haha but I think a man should call if he's interested. Not just leave it to e-mails and texts. But if that's your guys' usual pattern I guess it's okay

 

But, let's be honest, I don't care how busy someone is, they can find time to send a text in the day. Heck you can do it when you're in the bathroom if all else fails He could have just sent a text, "Hi how are you? Just wanted to let you know I'm swamped at work, but can't wait to see you this weekend :)"

 

I think it's pretty cold to just cut you off and then send a text as if nothings changed.

[Imajerk17]

FWIW I never disappeared on anyone ever.

 

HoS a text saying "Hey I havent heard from you all week! Where you been? :)" is good. Gets your point across while the smiley softens the message so to speak.

[HeartOnSleeve]

I totally agree FinalWord....It's d*mn COLD!

 

He responded pretty quickly but again, it's like nothing out of the ordinary happened. And to be honest...I've been busier than he has this week which really irked me.

[JazzyFox]

Ah well you can't always take it personally.

 

Sometimes guys (and girls) just need to take a break to figure out how they are feeling about the situation. Meanwhile, do something else.

 

And when (or if) he contacts you again, then make up your mind if that's what you really want.

 

Best that he figures out his interest in you early on ... or else he will be pulling your nose hairs for quite a long time.

 

Give him some space. If he is interested, you'll find out soon enough.

 

PS. You should also be figuring out if he is the right guy for you, regardless of whether or not he is interested. Too often, us ladies make our interest dependent on theirs. You might just come to realize that "you're just not that into him"

[here4her]

I just went through something similar, change in behavior, 2 days no contact. I sent random text messages both days and no response. Finally I just had enough and said I am done. 10 min later I'm getting text saying how busy shes been working doubles, and sleeps as soon as she gets home. She called me 3-4 times that night, texted me all the next night, called 2 times that night while on breaks. and now again shes gone MIA again, I haven't heard from her in 2 days, and never hear from her during weekends so I'm pretty sure it will be a 4-5 days no contact. It don't take more then a min to send someone a text message just saying "Hi" or "Thinking of you". People live on there phones, texting, calling, updating all there social media, ect.... For some reason he didn't find it a priority to spend that minute on you. Id back up a little. Your spending much more time on him by posting, and replying on this thread then he is on you.

[TheSingleGuy]

This has been my M.O. for a number of years now. I date a girl, everything is going excellent, and then I jut go into radio silence, not responding to text messages or e-mails.

 

Why do I do this???

 

I am so jaded towards women. I probably need a therapist. But I can't tell you how many women I've pursued who blew me off and NEVER is there ever one bit of explanation. Am I too____? Is it something I said???? Did I text instead of call? Did I call instead of text? Is it because I didn't leave a voice mail? What the f***? She was interested when we met and I got her number.

 

First date flakes are this to a T. I set something up with her, we're going out on Tuesday after work for drinks. Tuesday afternoon I call to confirm, I get voice mail, she doesn't respond or even text back. Just radio silence.

 

I never get any feedback at all. And my ego won't allow me to ask them why they aren't into me, because I always think there may be a chance with this one if I don't act to "needy". I feel that if I ask for feedback, suddenly, I'm the needy, desperate loser.

 

I don't trust women. Period. So I serial date. It's not easy for me to get a new girlfriend because I am shy. But after 6 months, it's time to get moving. So I just go into radio silence, same as they do to me when the power is on the other side. But after 6 months, she's in love. Hell, I'm in love too. But I know it's time to move on. Love doesn't last forever. It's only temporary. Moving on is a very logical choice.

 

The last girl I did that to was almost a year ago and she is still texting me. It's a nice ego boost, honestly.

 

And I was telling my friend about this other night. He just got dumped by his girlfriend and he's really in the dumps, and mentioned that he'd like to know who his ex-gf was sleeping with now. The strange thing, is, when you are the one to pull the plug on the relationship, you just don't care. It's weird. These last two girlfriends, who I know I loved with every fiber of my body, by forcing myself to walk away and not look back, thinking about them sleeping with another guy...it just doesn't bother me very much.