HurtinginVA Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 Ive posted before about my current situation but Ill recap. Going through divorce. Met a guy, on match.com. That was 3 weeks ago. Been an intense 3 weeks. Seen each other everyday with the exception of maybe one or two days. He pushed for it. He has spent lots of $$ on me(for example: Season Pass to local amusement park 150.00, took me to the mall one night and said 'youve got 200 to spend, spend it however you want', i had just gotten a land line telephone; he gave me two cordless phones, wanted to cook out on the grill, got me a grill, told him my favorite author was Stephen King, got me a new book, hardback, bought me lingerie I could go on and on) So yes, things went very fast. He is in the midst of a divorce as well.He had introduced me to all of his friends, his dad, his brother etc. Constantly during the 3 weeks made comments like "youre going to get sick of me, i hope im not smothering you, it would hurt me if you wanted to stop seeing me" yadda yadda. Well 2 days ago, he starts with "Im confused. Things have gone so fast. I want to stop having sex/being affectionate like that. I just need someone to care about me and be there like a friend. I dont want to be in a committed relationship, Im just getting out of one. Im sorry. I love being with you, when Im with you I forget about all of the BS going on in my life and you make me so happy but when Im not with you, I have to deal with the reality of my life and its just too much right now." Yesterday I went to his house to give him back his keys(to his house and truck), and to get mine back. I told him that I liked him too much to just be his friend, and to not call me anymore, unless he changed his mind. He said he didnt want that, he said that he still wanted to call me, still wanted to take our kids out to places like we've been doing. He said he was sorry over and over, that he was just so confused and didnt know what he wanted. That me and him were different and he was thinking long term (He was raised religiously, I wasnt, I smoke, he quit a year ago). He said that he didnt want either of us to get hurt down the road because of our differences and what if he found someone more compatible? He said that he wishes I could understand him and his reasons. He asked for a hug and acted like he didnt want to let go. I told him I would miss him, and all sad like he says please dont say that. Im going to miss you too, ive been thinking about you constantly. I am so torn up. I talked to my dad about it all and he said I was too harsh in telling this guy to not ever call me again. Im just trying to decipher this all. If I make him so happy, why does he want to end it? Did I just get played? Is he looking for someone else? Is there anything I can do to get us back together? I miss him terribly, I honestly think I was falling for this guy, and he told me that he was falling head over heels and that it scared him. I just dont know what to do. We connected on SO many levels. And there is/was something there. The night before he said all of this I kissed him and he said "Did you feel that?" I said what? He kissed me again and said "That. The passion. I love the feeling I get when I kiss you". Is he just freaking out because of his divorce and strong feelings for me or is he just trying to not hurt me? God, I need to know what to do. Edited to add: My dad is going through something similiar to this right now. He has really been helping me and offering some good advice. He tells me that if I think this guy has the potential to be the one, I shouldnt let him go. He was telling me his perspective on how this guy was feeling and the things he was saying almost mirrored this guys responses. He's offered to call this guy and talk with him. Maybe offer him some insight to our situation. I have told him no, but maybe I should let him? Im thinking it couldnt make things any worse? Should I give him this guy's phone number?
moimeme Posted June 6, 2004 Posted June 6, 2004 I think it was unwise to get so involved so quickly. He came to his senses and realized you two were going 'way too fast. As others have suggested, the temptation when one has lost a realationship, is to dive right into another one. This is a dangerous path because you still need to process feelings from the lost relationship. You should be delighted that you found a fellow who has enough smarts to figure out that you two were being foolish - AND not try to dump you entirely. I have the impression that you're trying to drown your sorrows in the emotional equivalent of drunkenness - being drunk on infatuation. Don't have your dad call him. If you have changed your mind, call him yourself and tell him so.
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