sigurpol Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 By that I mean, being less anxious when you meet someone. Yet again, I gave online dating a chance. I didn't have any terrible experiences, but every time it seems that things go well, I become interested, then it fizzles out. It gets old for me. After some fun/good emails with this one girl, she gives me her number. We text a bit (all of it went extremely well. Way better than I had anticipated), then I suggest that we get drinks soon. Couple days go by, we meet for drinks. The entire night went really well. I walked her back to her car and said that we should do this again sometime, and she agreed. I asked about the weekend and she took a minute to think, when I just said she didn't have to decide on the spot, we'll figure something out. Hugged, kissed her on the cheek, and she told me to let her know when I got back home. I let her know when I got back, and she said she had a great time and was glad she finally got to meet me. And that we should do something again soon. I called her last night after I got back from an evening jog, but she didn't pick up. I was calling to figure out some new plans for us. I figured she would get back to me, so I didn't leave a voicemail. I haven't heard back since. As I sit here, I realize it hasn't even been a day, and I know shes at work. Yet, my mind will race sometimes, and I start to pick apart little things that I could have done. Ugh! I guess it's been a while since I've hit it off with someone. Anyway, I'm just telling myself to chill out.
Philosoraptor Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Spank the monkey before the date. According to the Clerks movie it will help center you. 1
Author sigurpol Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Spank the monkey before the date. According to the Clerks movie it will help center you. I'm in favor of this philosophy. sugarpol. Nothing you can do but suffer. It's the nature of the beast. Guys have suffered since the beginning of time. The only cure is another girl. It's a positive you went for a jog...I'm a runner too and it 'helps' to clear the head. Philosoraptor's advice is good too although most of us don't need a reason. Ah, yes. All of that rings pretty clear to me. I have plans of my own tonight with some friends, so that will keep me occupied enough. I still await!
USMCHokie Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Keep going on dates with other women. And next time, leave a short voicemail explicitly asking her to call you back. 1
Author sigurpol Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Have you been talking to other girls? Not exactly, but I see where you're going with this.
fishtaco Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Keep going on dates with other women. And next time, leave a short voicemail explicitly asking her to call you back. Yup. Calling and not leaving a voicemail is: 1) More prone to error. It's more likely that the phone won't display that you called (like say her phone was off for some reason). If you leave a voicemail, it could get lost too, but less likely by comparison. 2) For old-school thinking people, not leaving a voicemail is bad manners. 3) It could be viewed as you don't have the courage to leave a voicemail. Bad. This early in dating, I say you contact once, but make sure it's a solid contact, as in a voicemail, or for the txt-minded younger generation people, I guess that's okay, but I strongly prefer voicemail. Then let her respond. If you're nice you can give it a second try, but usually I don't. Then as soon as you finish that voicemail, don't wait for her; you start hitting up on other women. It's possible she'll vanish even if you had the best date ever. Just the nature of the beast. Plenty of "s/he is flaky" threads here on LS, because flaky people are everywhere. Oh and one important thing to remember about voicemail, keep it short and to the point, don't say anything more than a nice greeting, then some form of "I'd like to take you out again, please call me back". Don't mention any specific time, you can discuss that when she calls back. The reason is, you don't want to lock yourself down. What if you said Friday, and she doesn't call back? What do you do? Do you make plans with other people anyway Friday? Do you sit around and wait for her call? What if she calls you back and say yes let's do it Friday afternoon? See... makes it complicated. Never mention a time unless she's there to say yes/no.
Author sigurpol Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 Yup. Calling and not leaving a voicemail is: 1) More prone to error. It's more likely that the phone won't display that you called (like say her phone was off for some reason). If you leave a voicemail, it could get lost too, but less likely by comparison. 2) For old-school thinking people, not leaving a voicemail is bad manners. 3) It could be viewed as you don't have the courage to leave a voicemail. Bad. This early in dating, I say you contact once, but make sure it's a solid contact, as in a voicemail, or for the txt-minded younger generation people, I guess that's okay, but I strongly prefer voicemail. Then let her respond. If you're nice you can give it a second try, but usually I don't. Then as soon as you finish that voicemail, don't wait for her; you start hitting up on other women. It's possible she'll vanish even if you had the best date ever. Just the nature of the beast. Plenty of "s/he is flaky" threads here on LS, because flaky people are everywhere. Oh and one important thing to remember about voicemail, keep it short and to the point, don't say anything more than a nice greeting, then some form of "I'd like to take you out again, please call me back". Don't mention any specific time, you can discuss that when she calls back. The reason is, you don't want to lock yourself down. What if you said Friday, and she doesn't call back? What do you do? Do you make plans with other people anyway Friday? Do you sit around and wait for her call? What if she calls you back and say yes let's do it Friday afternoon? See... makes it complicated. Never mention a time unless she's there to say yes/no. Well said. Looking back on it, it would have been wise to have left something. Anything. I'll take another crack at it again sometime soon. Thank ya
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Xanax. Just kidding. Working out works well for me for reducing anxiety. In fact I find that with anything that I'm stressing over (work, school, finances, family, relationship), working out is one of the ONLY things that helps take my mind off of it. Also, it's only been one date! Don't sweat it! You said you're doing online dating, so keep talking to other people, go on a couple dates, and if she calls you back, then great! If not, no great loss.
reallyhotguy Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well, first of all, that's "part of the fun", you feel me bro? But honestly, if it's too much? Two swigs of bourbon. If this is right before a date, I follow that up with a lot of teeth brushing. But be careful with that; for a while I thought I had a cavity, because cold water really hurt in one area, but it turns out I had a lesion, because the hygienist told me I was "brushing with too much vigor". You only get one set of gums and they regress easily from pressure especially after years of wear, so really, brush slowly and carefully. Also while you're at it, you're probably not brushing for the full 2 minutes recommended by the ADA. 30 seconds of brushing feels like an eternity but that's only 25% of what you need to do every day!
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Well, first of all, that's "part of the fun", you feel me bro? But honestly, if it's too much? Two swigs of bourbon. If this is right before a date, I follow that up with a lot of teeth brushing. But be careful with that; for a while I thought I had a cavity, because cold water really hurt in one area, but it turns out I had a lesion, because the hygienist told me I was "brushing with too much vigor". You only get one set of gums and they regress easily from pressure especially after years of wear, so really, brush slowly and carefully. Also while you're at it, you're probably not brushing for the full 2 minutes recommended by the ADA. 30 seconds of brushing feels like an eternity but that's only 25% of what you need to do every day! Actually this really helped me because I have a couple of aches in my teeth, and I totally think I'm brushing too hard!!! Thanks bro. On topic, I meditate a lot. Meditation works wonders. On a related subject, I find it very cute/charming when a guy is a little nervous over me. I think it's sweet. In other words, the LAST thing you want to do is get anxious over the fact that you are anxious. Don't sweat it. This dating crap makes everybody nervous.
Author sigurpol Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Re the voicemail, answering machine, etc. I'm also leary of depending on sytems, mechanical devices, etc. to work properly. Depending on the circumstance, I'll sometimes say that I'm sorry i missed you and that 'I' will call you back later (next morning, or whatever). Most of the time, if the other person is interested, they will call you back. The second time I call, if there no answer, then I will ask for a return call. If a girl likes you she WILL be waiting for your call. This has been swimming around in my head; hearing back from her. Again, I'll probably get a hold of her again at some point. Xanax. Just kidding. Working out works well for me for reducing anxiety. In fact I find that with anything that I'm stressing over (work, school, finances, family, relationship), working out is one of the ONLY things that helps take my mind off of it. Also, it's only been one date! Don't sweat it! You said you're doing online dating, so keep talking to other people, go on a couple dates, and if she calls you back, then great! If not, no great loss. Agreed. JUST ONE DATE! Haha.
Author sigurpol Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 Okay, I have to bump this nonsense. Aside from me explaining my situation in this thread, I have also talked to others about this. I was sort of over the whole thing until a new debate sparked that put blame in my corner. I have been told by a handful of people now: You didn't hear back from her because you didn't leave a voicemail. That was the dealbreaker. If you can't take 10 seconds of time to leave a voicemail, why should that person call you back? If THAT is the reality of what dating is, or if that is detrimental in a relationship. Then.. I'm doing into hiding.
veggirl Posted February 28, 2012 Posted February 28, 2012 Okay, I have to bump this nonsense. Aside from me explaining my situation in this thread, I have also talked to others about this. I was sort of over the whole thing until a new debate sparked that put blame in my corner. I have been told by a handful of people now: You didn't hear back from her because you didn't leave a voicemail. That was the dealbreaker. If you can't take 10 seconds of time to leave a voicemail, why should that person call you back? If THAT is the reality of what dating is, or if that is detrimental in a relationship. Then.. I'm doing into hiding. No. LOTS of people don't leave voicemails on cell phones, cause it shows they called. And lots of people don't listen to their voicemails anyway. Trust, if there was mutual interest, that would NEVER be a dealbreaker.
Author sigurpol Posted February 28, 2012 Author Posted February 28, 2012 No. LOTS of people don't leave voicemails on cell phones, cause it shows they called. And lots of people don't listen to their voicemails anyway. Trust, if there was mutual interest, that would NEVER be a dealbreaker. God. Thank you.
Recommended Posts