rach24680 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I found out my boyfriend was visiting datings sites because i went on his emails cs he was being sneeky and that confirmed he has profiles on the sites too saying hes single. I confronted him about it and he denied it, so i told him id seen his emails from these dating sites and seen the ones that have been looked at. He still denied it and started saying, believe what u want because u dont trust me anyway. The thing is hes cheated on me before and i find it really difficult to trust him, although up until now i really did trust him. I dont know whether to belive him about this or not, it seems really far fetched to have the same named person from the same d.o.b as him??? or he said someone could have made them in his name, but i find that hard to believe too. I walked off being unable to say anymore to him (this was one day ago) so now there are still unresolved issues and i dont know if i should contact him to see whats goin on, because we havent technically broke up, i love him to bits and if this is something over nothing then i would like to move past this, but as hes not admitting it then i dont know what to do? all my friends are his friends too and a few of them are his family, so il loose them. All i want is to settle down with him (weve been together for 4 years) thanks for any advice!!
Philosoraptor Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You're not blind but you are doing whatever you can to run from the truth. Has he cheated again? You can't be sure. Is he looking again? Yes, and you know this. His "believe what you want" is just him trying to mess with your head and shift the blame to you.
smudge21 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Sorry to read this, but you have to get away from being the victim here and worrying about mutual friends and family members etc. From what you've said, it does sound like he has been hiding things from you, so clearly his attitude towards mutual friends isn't all that important. I think the fact he's cheated before and now when confronted he re-directs the blame and tries to make you feel bad is too much of a guilty sign in my book, however, that doesn't mean I'm right. You need to find out the truth and you can only do that by talking to him and getting him to prove what he tells you. Right now, there may be some feelings of anger from him as you invaded his privacy, but equally as he has cheated before, you did have doubts, so it's very 50/50. There should be no reason why he can't talk to you and explain what is going on, but if he refuses to do so or once again turns things around, then consider that he may well be hiding things and unwilling to be honest. You have to be strong enough to say that unless he is honest, you're leaving. If he loves you and wants the relationship to last then he'll do whatever he can to make that happen.
freckles72 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Rach I really sympathise horrible times when you just don't know the facts and are unsure about what to do. I would look at the facts you do have. To me and only you can decide this, it looks like he has been on dating sites...? Now this says he is on a completely different page to you regarding your relationship. Fact is he doesnt need to admit it the evidence is there in the emails.? I would ask to meet with him and have a real honest conversation. I mean real honest. Although you say you do trust him you were checking his emails so clearly you dont. Ask him calmly if he wants the same as you. Why he felt he needed to go online and if he felt your mistrust was halming the relationship and how you can overcome it. If he doesnt want to talk or continues to be closed you have two choices. Give him some space to decide what it is he wants or walk away and hopefully he'll soon realise its you he wants. Regardless I think you need for him to be clear about your issues but then give him space, men hate being pressured and will always lie to avoid being put on the spot. Hugs this will work out one way or the other but you'll get through it whichever way it does xxxxx 1
sweetheart5381 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. Dating sites are full off folks looking on the side. It's tough, been there - I actually lured my bf at the time, 6 yrs ago (now ex of course) to come and meet me for an encounter and he showed up thinking I was out of town... that was the proof that I really didn't need in hindsight. Go with your gut, it's right on the money.
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