Girl shows signs of interest, but is slow in responding

[whitefire]

A few weeks ago I hooked up with a girl who I've known for a while. We always flirted with each other here and there and finally it happened. She told me she was waiting for me to make a move for a while and has had a crush on me for some time...pretty good to hear.

 

We've seen each other a few times since then, but we haven't done anything sexual since that night. After seeing a few girls who were pretty shallow, I'm starting to like this one since she's witty and attractive. Each date seems to have gone well - we talk for a long time, I make her laugh a lot, etc.

 

The bad part is she's not too responsive when I call or text her. Eventually, she'll usually send me text saying sorry and why she didn't respond, which is better than nothing, but it's making me question whether she actually wants to see me. I know for a fact she wants me to take initiative and ask her out, as I've been doing, but she sometimes makes it difficult.

 

Is she just playing with me? If not and she's just playing hard to get, as girls sometimes do, should I just keep gunning harder until we set something definite up. That's what I did the last few times, and it worked after a few failed attempts.

[vesper16]

Sounds pretty similar to my situation at the moment, I guess it depends if there's a reason for her being responsive - we had a great date last Friday night and I definitely felt the attraction vibes on both sides (I'm usually pretty terrible at telling when a girl is interested in me, so the fact that even I thought it was obvious surely has to be a good sign?) but she took forever to respond to my calls/texts afterwards (I tried calling her on the weekend after the date, and followed up with a text, then calling her a few days later), and only today she emailed me at work saying sorry for missing my call. I called her an hour or two after that and turned out she'd been working really late and didn't finish until midnight (she works at a big law firm in the city and she often works long hours). So it all depends really. Even before our last date she wasn't that responsive to calls/texts, though she's accepted all my date invitations (we've probably been out 5-6 times so far) and her interest level has if anything increased... where does this girl work?

[whitefire]

That sounds pretty similar to what's going on with me. We're both grad students, to answer your question. Whether she legitimately doesn't have time to return messages right away, I have no idea.

 

I've always made it a habit of giving people timely responses, because of which I have always gotten a little frustrated when people don't text me back - not just girls but friends too. I also know that it doesn't necessarily mean they don't want to see me, but sometimes you can't tell.

[timchambo]

I posted yesterday about this exact situation. In my case I think we are a little further along physically than you guys, but communication is about the same. After my post yesterday, she ended up reaching out to me. She was surprised I hadn't tried to contact her since I saw her last. I told her she just didn't seem that interested in talking, and I am not looking for FWB. Her response was "I am a girl!".. Basically admitting to playing games, and not being too easy to get a hold of.

 

I am sure this is the case for both of you if these girls are still going on dates with you guys. I have a hard time believing they cannot find the time to send a text or quick email saying "sorry. been busy". Maybe they are dating multiple people right now, hopefully they would be open about that though.

 

It seems like maybe these games are some sort of defense mechanism or something. A way to test our desire for them before they get too emotionally attached.

[whitefire]

I posted yesterday about this exact situation. In my case I think we are a little further along physically than you guys, but communication is about the same. After my post yesterday, she ended up reaching out to me. She was surprised I hadn't tried to contact her since I saw her last. I told her she just didn't seem that interested in talking, and I am not looking for FWB. Her response was "I am a girl!".. Basically admitting to playing games, and not being too easy to get a hold of.

 

I am sure this is the case for both of you if these girls are still going on dates with you guys. I have a hard time believing they cannot find the time to send a text or quick email saying "sorry. been busy". Maybe they are dating multiple people right now, hopefully they would be open about that though.

 

It seems like maybe these games are some sort of defense mechanism or something. A way to test our desire for them before they get too emotionally attached.

 

I have trouble believing someone can't send a quick text too, but I also can definitely see this girl saying the "I am a girl!" thing in response to being hard to get a hold of. It's a possibility she's seeing other guys, which I don't really mind right now, as I'm keeping my options open too (a few days ago a girl actually asked me out...though I'm more interested in the one that this thread is about).

 

If it was a test I wouldn't care. I want to go out with her, but I don't want to make myself into the fool by calling her all the time when she doesn't respond much.

[Eddie Edirol]

Shes not interested in you anymore. Maybe you didnt impress her sexually, or maybe she just wanted to try you out. Stop calling her, she is making it intentionally difficult to get you to back off, shes too chicken to tell you shes not interested. When a woman likes you, she makes it easy. You can keep trying if you want, but do it knowing she isnt interested so you dont count on it. If you have a bunch of women that you were fooling around with, go for the 2nd best one.