Follower Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 So i thought i was doing really well with moving on, managing to stick to NC stricktly, doing the good old rebound and making some progress in my life in general then i recieved some unwelcome information about by breakup with my ex from what is currently an ex friend. My supposed best mate from childhood informed me that my ex fiance had text him 1 week prior to her breaking up and moving out with the following "Im really not happy living down here anymore, im thinking of leaving XYZ".. With this information i could of at least been prepaired for a break up but my mate withheld it from me untill a month past the date. Needless to say im furious with him but worst of all its brought back that horrific false hope and all i want to do right now is contact her to tell her that he didnt pass on the message.
smudge21 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 No good for you would come from contacting her now - seriously, what do you expect her to say after you tell her that as what difference does it make now? You're just using this as some sort of excuse to make contact as it's made you think about her more suddenly. Don't do it. As for this mate of yours, he's not worth your time or energy anymore. Ignore any further messages or info from him as for all you know it could be total BS and just someway to wind you up and get a reaction. Don't play those games.
Frank13 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I agree with smudge on this. What difference would contacting her now make? One time I was furious at something I found out my ex said about me to a mutual friend and I so much wanted to break contact to tell her off. I fought the urge and in a couple days the feeling passed.
Million.to.1 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You can't really blame your friend for not telling you. She told him that in confidence and how would he have bought it to your attention to have made the outcome any different? I think it was rude of your ex to txt YOUR friend saying something so personal and putting him in that position! How disrespectful! Another reason you are better off without her.
Emilia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Needless to say im furious with him but worst of all its brought back that horrific false hope and all i want to do right now is contact her to tell her that he didnt pass on the message. It just shows what a piece of work your former fiance really is! She TEXTED someone else about her thinking about leaving you before telling you about it! Don't you think that's the most outrageous thing to do? Why would it be your friends job to 'pass on the message'? Were you playing pass the parcel??
Mr Scorpio Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I agree with the others who have suggested that in no way should you contact your ex with this information. IMO, it would serve no purpose other than to make you look desperate/clingy/etc. However, I'm not really sure what her sending the text says about your ex, simply because I don't know how uncommon such behavior is. Sexism aside, I would expect a woman -- and a lot of men -- to communicate those kinds of feelings to someone prior to making such a huge decision. Now, should your friend have told you? IMO, probably. This would depend on how long he had known both you and your ex; the longer he knew her as well, the more justified he would be in staying out of the issue. Finally, even if he had told you, what would you have done differently? How would you have "prepared" for a breakup? Where things like possessions, a lease, etc were involved I could see your point. On the romantic side though, your ex's mind was probably made up well in advance to her sending the text.
Emilia Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 However, I'm not really sure what her sending the text says about your ex, simply because I don't know how uncommon such behavior is. Sexism aside, I would expect a woman -- and a lot of men -- to communicate those kinds of feelings to someone prior to making such a huge decision. Seriously? A text to some friend who is the partner's long term friend? Maybe a discussion with your mother or sister or your closest best friend but a text?
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