Arkaeology Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Don't you just hate it when a person's religion is in contrast with what he/she wants? It just sucks that when you know and feel that the person's every single fiber tells him/her you want the guy/gal they're with but he/she always catch himself/herself when it's getting too physical??? That feeling just sucks...
Ranchero44 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Don't you just hate it when a person's religion is in contrast with what he/she wants? It just sucks that when you know and feel that the person's every single fiber tells him/her you want the guy/gal their with but he/she always catch himself/herself when it's getting too physical??? That feeling just sucks... I dated this guy once who was a born-again Christian. Here is a sample of us "getting physical": Me: Is something wrong? Him: Yes, something's stopping me. Me: What is it? Him: Jesus. I guess you can't argue with that. I respected his religious beliefs. Things didn't work out, but we stayed very friendly and kept in touch for years.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I personally believe that if your fundamental beliefs about life are not similar, then you will clash in many areas. I find it hard to date anyone religious because of their views on life. They have so many limits, restrictions and rules, and they are not something I live by. I find it hard to date anyone who believes in god altogether. To me, it's a ridiculous idea/theory and I completely reject it. Now imagine me and a religious guy in the same room. We couldn't even agree on how to eat a meal. It's not just about sex. Beliefs as deep-rooted as these go a long way. If it bothers you so much, then don't date these people. If sex is that important to you, you need to understand that religious people don't view it the same way. 2
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Don't you just hate it when a person's religion is in contrast with what he/she wants? It just sucks that when you know and feel that the person's every single fiber tells him/her you want the guy/gal they're with but he/she always catch himself/herself when it's getting too physical??? That feeling just sucks... Sorry all the slashes made that confusing to read haha I think what you are meaning is that a guy wants to have sex with you but won't for religious reasons? Well, I'm Christian so maybe I can explain. I mean no offense by this so please don't take it as me trying to act "holier than thou" According to the Christian faith we all have two natures: 1) Carnal: this is the fleshly desires, i.e. sin 2) Spiritual: this is the desire within us to have the characteristics of God These two forces are constantly at battle in our hearts. St. Paul talked about this a lot. However, the difference is that once we are saved "born again", the spiritual side of us becomes alive and we can overcome our carnal impulses. "was blind but now I see" as the song Amazing Grace puts it. So it's not like when you have Christ in your heart, you suddenly lose all carnal desires. It's just another side of you is awakened and you have a deeper conviction than just your fleshly desires. There is no real way to explain it unless you've experienced it It is actually not living rules and regulations by any means. It is a true, sincere innate desire to walk in the nature of God. I don't want to put a bunch of bible verses in here, but Paul describes it much better than I ever can: Galatians 5Freedom in Christ It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Author Arkaeology Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 I respect all religions and I don't judge people based on their beliefs because I wouldn't want to be judged as well. I think it's just wrong to deprive yourself of something that you really want and makes you happy just because your belief system tells you so. I definitely agree that it's a matter of compatibility but what can you do when everything is great except the physical part?
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I respect all religions and I don't judge people based on their beliefs because I wouldn't want to be judged as well. I think it's just wrong to deprive yourself of something that you really want and makes you happy just because your belief system tells you so. I definitely agree that it's a matter of compatibility but what can you do when everything is great except the physical part? I agree with you. If he is just doing it because his religion's belief system tells him to, and not out of his own personal conviction, it is wrong. It should be out of his own personal conviction which will happen if he has Christ in his heart. I can tell you that if he is a Christian, it won't work. Paul addressed this and if he is authentic about his faith, it will eventually fail. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" A yoke is a device that was put on two oxen to help plow a field. If you're unequally yoked Paul is basically saying that the team will be inefficient. I've tried to date people who do not share my faith. It leaves a hole in your heart. I'm sorry, but I don't think it will work in the long run.
Author Arkaeology Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 I respect your input about this but subject but please leave out any scripture text or anything similar. You know that person is in conflict with himself/herself when you get something like "I'm a little worried that I wouldn't be able to control myself when I'm with you." Oh well...
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I respect your input about this but subject but please leave out any scripture text or anything similar. You know that person is in conflict with himself/herself when you get something like "I'm a little worried that I wouldn't be able to control myself when I'm with you." Oh well... Okay, I'll try Basically even if you are a Christian you still have carnal desires. So yes, conflict will occur. But that's different than him just doing it because of an external reason, "the church says its wrong" as opposed to an internal reason "I am doing something that goes against my personal values". The first example being an imposed value, the second one being a deep personal conviction. Remove religion from the equation. Would you want someone to put you in a situation that caused you to put your values on the shelf?
Teknoe Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 simple solution: don't date practicing Christians. I'm impressed he stood firm to his convictions. You don't see that in many guys, not even Christian guys.
Professor X Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I've been there, and done that, and it didn't end well. The background we've came from is way to different. Best you can do is find someone else, cause a couple made out of a believer and a non believer rarely works. Don't even wanna talk with you about the future things that will only make it even more complicated...
xxoo Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 You know that person is in conflict with himself/herself when you get something like "I'm a little worried that I wouldn't be able to control myself when I'm with you." Oh well... Makes you wonder if they will end up marrying someone who they aren't attracted to, because a chaste courtship is too difficult when true desire is present.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Makes you wonder if they will end up marrying someone who they aren't attracted to, because a chaste courtship is too difficult when true desire is present. I've met some people who did the whole chaste courtship thing and ended up marrying pretty attractive people.
xxoo Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I've met some people who did the whole chaste courtship thing and ended up marrying pretty attractive people. Attractive and "sexually attracted to" are not necessarily the same thing.
GoodOnPaper Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 According to the Christian faith we all have two natures: 1) Carnal: this is the fleshly desires, i.e. sin 2) Spiritual: this is the desire within us to have the characteristics of God These two forces are constantly at battle in our hearts. St. Paul talked about this a lot. However, the difference is that once we are saved "born again", the spiritual side of us becomes alive and we can overcome our carnal impulses. This sounds more like Plato and much of ancient Greek philosophy in general -- flesh is bad, spirit is good. But how can that be when God created the flesh and our ability to have fleshly desires? The best way I've heard this issue explained is this: There is nothing inherently "bad" about fleshly desires -- it's when we use them in ways we're not designed to that's "sinful". The reason that the Jewish and Christian faiths stipulate having sex only within marriage is because sex is supposed to be used to draw two people closer together in a relationship where they are completely open to one another in all aspects of the relationship -- physically, emotionally, financially, and legally. I think deep down, nearly all of us want this sort of relationship but our culture dictates that in order to be "successful" at dating, we have to separate the physical and emotional. We prioritize the physical and cross our fingers, hoping that the emotional side develops over time. As a guy, if we try to give more weight to the emotional side, we scare off the woman, often ending up in the friendzone.
make me believe Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I definitely agree that it's a matter of compatibility but what can you do when everything is great except the physical part? The physical part is too important to ignore. I would never get involved with a religious person for this reason among others. I don't think a relationship between a non-religious person and someone who is so religious that they are waiting for marriage is going to work. Usually the religious person wants somebody they can share their faith with, and they will get upset if you don't have the same viewpoints as them. Plus I think somebody who continuously denies themself sexual pleasure because they think it's a sin outside of marriage is creating a pretty warped view of sexuality that I just couldn't deal with.
veggirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Atheist here. Can't relate to your issue, I'd never date someone religious and doubt they'd date me! Why would you and this other person? You're totally incompatible on something very polarizing.
Author Arkaeology Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 I want to be with this person because we're great together. Everything just clicks and smooth going. I'm not religious but like I said, I'm open. I'm willing to compromise on everything because that's what any dating situation is based upon but this is specially hard 'cause I'm very affectionate and passionate person and for the most part women love that but then something in their head just clicks and tells her to put on the brakes. I've never dated anyone this steadfast on their beliefs but then again we're just great together. I really think what we have is really special.
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I prefer someone with some sort of spiritual belief as long as they don't try to change my spiritual beliefs or tell me I'm wrong for believing in a certain way. It's an added dimension to their personality. For many, going to church is more of a social activity anyway.
Professor X Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I want to be with this person because we're great together. Everything just clicks and smooth going. I'm not religious but like I said, I'm open. I'm willing to compromise on everything because that's what any dating situation is based upon but this is specially hard 'cause I'm very affectionate and passionate person and for the most part women love that but then something in their head just clicks and tells her to put on the brakes. I've never dated anyone this steadfast on their beliefs but then again we're just great together. I really think what we have is really special. I hope you don't mix open minded with lacking backbone. Cause any half decent religious person would tell you that if you'll start believing God just to make a RS work with them, means you are believing for the wrong reasons, which is them. You need to believe in God cause you believe in him, not cause you want to live with this other person. 1
Author Arkaeology Posted February 24, 2012 Author Posted February 24, 2012 It's definitely open mindedness for me. She has never brought up her religious beliefs and neither is she trying to shove it up my throat. It only came up with the law of chastity that they practice because things were starting to get intense. I think I'll just enjoy it for now and see where it goes. I'm the type of person that will slowly put my toes in the water and see how the other person responds and accept any reaction that I get be it acceptance or a pull back. I'm also not very pushy and I would like to think that I'm very respectful of women. I believe in God but my happiness has nothing to do with it. I would like to think that they are two very separate things like government and religion. I hope you don't mix open minded with lacking backbone. Cause any half decent religious person would tell you that if you'll start believing God just to make a RS work with them, means you are believing for the wrong reasons, which is them. You need to believe in God cause you believe in him, not cause you want to live with this other person.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) I'm catholic and will only date a catholic. I do go to church every sunday and I pray. I want someone to share my religious beleifs especially if I have more kids. I would want them raised catholic. The one the thing I don't believe in is sex before marriage. I can't just date someone and not have sex before marriage. I am catholic but I'm not a strict catholic. Edited February 25, 2012 by Soxfaninfl
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