xpaperxcutx Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Despite my last post about the guy, I went on a second date with him( i'd made the date prior to my posting). First of all, my girlfriend prompted me to go. Her, being the person who has known my dating woes, including every douchebag I have dated, told me to give him a chance because ( according to her sixth sense) he's perfect for me. And while I have never listened to her before, even in regards to the many guys who have broken my heart, I really wanted to give him a chance. So I went out to dinner with him this past Monday, and the first thing that surprised me was that he shaved. This guy who has lived with his goatee for so long, decided to go for a clean look all because of something I said to him prior. To top it off, he was in his work suit, which made him look very,very charming. He took me to his friend's restaurant nearby and while we had dinner, sipped some drinks, we've mostly talked. Or I did anyways, but he was incredibly attentive. We exchanged stories about our families, especially our relationships with our mothers, so much so at the end of the night, we were staring googly eyes at each other. Then he did one thing that made me realize I can overlook his flaws and really want to date him- he wrapped his scarf around me when I mentioned I'd forgotten mine at home. That very gesture is what changed my mind about him. Maybe he's not perfect at his weight right now, but he has made so much effort to get me to like him. The first date alone, he'd driven 20 miles to see me, and drove that same amount to take me home. He bought me a rose, even though I don't particularly like flowers. Our whole second date, he wouldn't stop giving me his undivided attention, even when our next table sat two very beautiful girls, he had only eyes for me. So yeah, we kissed at the end of the night and it was like fireworks. I really want to see where things go with him. I admit I was really harsh and judgmental in my last post, but thank god for anonymous forums right? He's really great, not too mention sweet. Despite his busy schedule working two jobs, he has texted me in the morning to say hello and even called me late at night despite working 16 hours straight including commute ( between long island and the city). Maybe he's boyfriend material? 8
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Awesome! I hope it works for you You deserve someone great!
kaylan Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Ten bucks says she changes her mind next week. Lolz jk EDIT: PS - bravo gal 1
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Men should absorb what you have written to learn how to treat a woman and women should absorb what you have written to learn how to be treated by a man.
FrustratedStandards Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) You are the perfect example of why players can get away with it. So he gave you his scarf and now you're gaga for him? Puuhlease. Just because he knows how to be a gentleman doesn't mean he is necessarily boyfriend material. It's a nice thing to do, no doubt, but you can't base your entire decision on one single gesture. I also think you kissed him too soon, but that's just me. See how things go and then make your decision. You are being too impulsive right now. Just go with the flow and see where it takes you. I just don't think you should get your hopes up just because he got you a rose. Men are full of (unwanted) surprises. It might be wonderful, it might not. Take it easy. Edited February 24, 2012 by FrustratedStandards
norajane Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 If he's (consistently) willing to go out of his way for you, yeah, he's bf material.
TheFinalWord Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Despite my last post about the guy, I went on a second date with him( i'd made the date prior to my posting). First of all, my girlfriend prompted me to go. Her, being the person who has known my dating woes, including every douchebag I have dated, told me to give him a chance because ( according to her sixth sense) he's perfect for me. And while I have never listened to her before, even in regards to the many guys who have broken my heart, I really wanted to give him a chance. So I went out to dinner with him this past Monday, and the first thing that surprised me was that he shaved. This guy who has lived with his goatee for so long, decided to go for a clean look all because of something I said to him prior. To top it off, he was in his work suit, which made him look very,very charming. He took me to his friend's restaurant nearby and while we had dinner, sipped some drinks, we've mostly talked. Or I did anyways, but he was incredibly attentive. We exchanged stories about our families, especially our relationships with our mothers, so much so at the end of the night, we were staring googly eyes at each other. Then he did one thing that made me realize I can overlook his flaws and really want to date him- he wrapped his scarf around me when I mentioned I'd forgotten mine at home. That very gesture is what changed my mind about him. Maybe he's not perfect at his weight right now, but he has made so much effort to get me to like him. The first date alone, he'd driven 20 miles to see me, and drove that same amount to take me home. He bought me a rose, even though I don't particularly like flowers. Our whole second date, he wouldn't stop giving me his undivided attention, even when our next table sat two very beautiful girls, he had only eyes for me. So yeah, we kissed at the end of the night and it was like fireworks. I really want to see where things go with him. I admit I was really harsh and judgmental in my last post, but thank god for anonymous forums right? He's really great, not too mention sweet. Despite his busy schedule working two jobs, he has texted me in the morning to say hello and even called me late at night despite working 16 hours straight including commute ( between long island and the city). Maybe he's boyfriend material? Just wanted to add, that your post made my night. It's awesome to see someone growing on this forum. Yeah, he's a bit overweight (we're all going to get wrinkly and fat some day lol), but I think this goes with the "instant chemistry" threads on here the past few weeks. Just b/c someone isn't flawless doesn't mean we should discount them immediately. He could be a really good man! Most guys know their physical flaws. He probably thinks you are super beautiful and will treat you like gold. You guys also seem to have some things in common. Only time will tell, but I think it's cool you've expanded your horizons.
kaylan Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) You are the perfect example of why players can get away with it. So he gave you his scarf and now you're gaga for him? Puuhlease. Just because he knows how to be a gentleman doesn't mean he is necessarily boyfriend material. It's a nice thing to do, no doubt, but you can't base your entire decision on one single gesture. I also think you kissed him too soon, but that's just me. See how things go and then make your decision. You are being too impulsive right now. Just go with the flow and see where it takes you. I just don't think you should get your hopes up just because he got you a rose. Men are full of (unwanted) surprises. It might be wonderful, it might not. Take it easy. Welllllll...from the previous thread I didnt get the player vibe from the dude at all. He seemed like a regular guy. And I dont think the kiss was too soon at all. Then again, Ive been known to make out with girls after only knowing them for 5 or 10 minutes of dancing. I think OP is doing fine, and do agree she should go with the flow. But just to make sure she can actually be attracted to the guy physically, and not just to the nice treatment. Because Ive experience a relationship where one person wasnt all that attracted to the other person, but enjoyed the nice treatment that was received. Actually just this summer I allllmost ended up dating this girl whos liked me for a while because shes really nice and was sweet to me. But I knew I wasnt as attracted to her as I needed to be and itd be wrong in the long run so I didnt do anything. So just take things slow and make sure you truly dig the fella in all aspects. Edited February 24, 2012 by kaylan
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm not sure If I remember your post (I have a gold fish memory) but this is the guy you slept with in a bed but didn't do anything with right? because you were tired? If so, that's definitely not the player vibe because you would have been naked or at least things would have gotten steamy. Also he seems like a regular guy, I'm not buying the whole scarf thing although that was gentlemen like of him (I think every man should one regardless of player or not) but It was a nice gesture and you know best from being on the date with this guy what kind of chemistry you have. What I do like about him from this post, Is that he seems willing to put in the effort and he's a hard worker, he shaved his goatee and he made you pass gas or something when he kissed you. You should probably get to know him better though before you consider him boyfriend material, there's no reason to hurry If he's the right guy. Get to know him, you'll either find out you're more compatible or less.
SJC2008 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Going against instinct can be very hard but you did. In one of my entepreneurship classes I learned that a first impression is made in about 8 seconds and that they are/can be very inaccurate. Kudos to you for reaching beyond your comfort zone!
cerridwen Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 (edited) Watch out, papercut. I posted earlier today about how I fell for the man who would become my husband after he insisted I wear his jacket when it was freezing outside. Sure the marriage ended in a fiery divorce but it was fun while it lasted! Edited February 24, 2012 by cerridwen
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm actually kind of surprised that in this story the woman is actually giving the ordinary guy (and he's a little fat too no less) a chance. Thank God some women don't care about that instant chemistry crap. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I'm actually kind of surprised that in this story the woman is actually giving the ordinary guy (and he's a little fat too no less) a chance. Thank God some women don't care about that instant chemistry crap. It happens sometimes. Even a blind nut finds a squirrel every once in a while. Hope everything works out for the OP.
zengirl Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 Are you physically attracted to him? He sounds like a great guy, but if you're not physically attracted to him still (that was the issue before), then he's not BF material for you and it's just mean to lead him on further. The "weight right now" comments are always dangerous. I would assume that his weight would not EVER change for the better if I were in your shoes. (If it does, great, but if that's what you're holding onto hope for, that's just going to end badly.) If you ARE physically attracted to him, then that's great. He does sound like a great guy. 3
Mrlonelyone Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 I hope this works out for you. Just keep one thing in mind. As you get on dates 3 4 5... you have to be as willing to travel to where he is as the other way around. Even a man that's a little on the chubby side could start to think.... "there has to be a woman closer than 20 miles who will meet me at least half way". Just a thought.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 ^^^ I think it's fair and right for you to take on part of the travel burden, but NOT because he will be thinking you are easily replaceable. That's a crappy place to be coming from in a budding relationship. Just do it because it's the right thing to do. Congratulations on finding someone you like and who likes you a lot, too. Please accept him as he is TODAY, though. This is who he is. He might lose weight, or might not. I don't think he's any kind of a player!
FitChick Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 If he shaved his beard to please you he might lose the weight. Why not suggest physical activities to burn calories, even if it's dancing lessons together which would be fun. You could help him with better eating choices if he asks or set an example when you dine out. It seems that men are more willing to lose weight for their girlfriends than women are to please their boyfriends.
somedude81 Posted February 24, 2012 Posted February 24, 2012 If he shaved his beard to please you he might lose the weight. Why not suggest physical activities to burn calories, even if it's dancing lessons together which would be fun. You could help him with better eating choices if he asks or set an example when you dine out. It seems that men are more willing to lose weight for their girlfriends than women are to please their boyfriends. LOL, if a man even suggests that he wants his GF to lose weight on this board he quickly becomes public enemy number one. The nerve of him, thinking that she's not absolutely perfect the way she is, death to the infidel!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 It's great when overweight or out of shape people make improvements on those things; they will be healthier, look and fee better. But it's a mistake to date a chubby person with the anticipation that they're going to lose weight soon. It's important to accept your partner as they are, and if how they are is not acceptable, then they're not for you. Everything changes as time goes on, and not always for the better where our bodies are concerned. The way someone looks on your first date might be the best it's gonna get. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 I hope this works out for you. Just keep one thing in mind. As you get on dates 3 4 5... you have to be as willing to travel to where he is as the other way around. Even a man that's a little on the chubby side could start to think.... "there has to be a woman closer than 20 miles who will meet me at least half way". Just a thought. Lol unfortunately that is an issue. He lives almost an hour away from me, be it his place in the city or on LI. I don't drive so I can't really see him when I want. And I did meet him half way. I'd taken the subway to meet him in the city just for dinner.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 Jus to clarify some things, he's not a player , unless you count the fact he plays baseball professiinally. Subsequently, I like to believe his weight issue is gong to go away. He has told me he needs to lose weight and he tries to fit in as much workout time as he possibly can. Unfortunately he works two demanding jobs back to back, so much so he's crashed by the time he gets home. But he has to lose weight still, not because of me but because he's playing ball this summer for a team out in santa fe. I've said I'm overlooking his weight for now because he has great qualities I want in a guy. He's respectful, sweet, sincere and honest. I am attracted to his character. Whether we're going to end being serious still waits to be seen. I'm cautious enough to know a relationship does not justhappen. He's going away in the summerr and I'm going to be busy working. If somehow we can work out all these personal obstacles and can still be together, then yes, I can see a relationship with him.
eleanorhurting Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 you remind me of me a little. I get all excited and build all these expectations in my head that end up blowing up in my face. This sounds good though so take it easy and good luck! You deserve it!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I'm confused about his jobs. He is a pro ball player but also has two OTHER demanding jobs back to back? How can one manage that?
kaylan Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think its that hes still trying to make it pro. If he was already pro hed be on the road already. Spring training is just about to start up for the baseball season as well.
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